by Pastor Patrick Cho & John Mark Wendler

For Grace Life this year, we are going through a helpful study to evaluate our marriages to see what areas are in need of some fine tuning (. . . or major overhaul!). In order to facilitate this discussion, we are walking through Wayne Mack’s book, Preparing for Marriage God’s Way. This is the book we normally use in our premarital counseling, but I have found it to be helpful as a tool to check up on marriages as well, post-wedding. For each session, both husband and wife are asked to do the homework independent of their spouse. They are then to get together to talk through their answers as a couple. (Since the book is intended to be a premarital counseling help, obviously, some of the questions need to be reinterpreted to fit a post-wedding relationship.) All the couples get together, then, at Grace Life to walk through the lesson together.

Each week, I am also asking one of our Grace Life members to write a brief response to the lesson. This week, John Mark Wendler offered his thoughts:

What was the title/topic of this week’s Grace Life discussion?

The first session of our study covered the basis for a successful marriage.

What were some of the highlights from the study or a general overview of what the study covered?

It is always helpful to hear from a group of people who have thoughtfully answered questions like, “What thoughts does the word marriage bring to you?” and “What are biblical reasons for marriage?” A highlight of tonight’s session was having to think critically about what my thinking on marriage is affected by, and if I am looking to God’s wisdom in Scripture for help in my own marriage.

What were some of the primary or significant Bible passages from the study?

• 1 Corinthians 8:9-13 was brought up in relation to public displays of affection.
• Ephesians 5:25 talking about the sacrificial love that Christ has for the church, so much so that he gave himself up, and how we in the same way are to love our wives.
• Genesis 1-2 speaking to the foundations for marriage.
• Philippians 2:3-4 talking about considering others as more important than yourself. Again instruction that holds a very high place in a successful marriage.

What lessons did you find particularly challenging from the study? Why?

Instruction was given to avoid giving advice to others exclusively or solely from my own experience with dating. This is always a helpful reminder to me, as personal experience is something easily shared, I understand that even anything I’ve done that might be considered wise, pales in comparison to the wisdom of God, found in the Bible. Psalm 25:5 says, “Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long.”

Were there any helpful responses from the group discussion that you did not originally consider? What were they? Why were they helpful?

It was helpful when one of the members took the 30,000 foot view of dating in the context of our discussion about giving advice to individuals who are dating or who want to date. This helped me, knowing that the guidance we are given in Scripture is applicable across cultures and time periods. By focusing on the, why, of what we do, particularly in the big areas of life, like choosing someone to spend the rest of your life with, it helps to focus on what that means for my own future, as I strive to serve my spouse for the glory of God. Knowing that the specifics can be arbitrary, the ultimate focus must be on pleasing our Lord and Savior.