by Pastor Patrick Cho, Brian Chan, & Beverly Chan
Our study in Grace Life through Wayne Mack’s book, Preparing for Marriage God’s Way, continued with a look at chapter 2 entitled “Going Deeper.” For each session, both husband and wife are asked to do the homework independent of their spouse. They are then to get together to talk through their answers as a couple. (Since the book is intended to be a premarital counseling help, obviously, some of the questions need to be reinterpreted to fit a post-wedding relationship.) All the couples get together, then, at Grace Life to walk through the lesson together. This week’s response to the discussion is provided by Brian and Beverly Chan.
Grace Life recently finished discussing chapter two of Preparing for Marriage God’s Way, by Wayne Mack. When you combine food, childcare, and an open discussion about marriage, it almost always makes for a good time. It’s definitely different going through the book from this side of the fence i.e. married, not dating, and this week’s discussion took us back to our old days of dating and engagement.
The session started off with the simple challenge of openly praising something your spouse did the previous week. It’s designed to foster encouragement before engaging in some deeper and possibly tumultuous discussion regarding marriage. Not only was it helpful to think about something positive your spouse did but it was also encouraging to hear what other people were doing for their partners.
One of the best things about our time on Thursday nights is the open discussion format. While Pastor Patrick goes over the chapter, he asks various questions that anyone in the room can publicly respond to. This keeps the discussion constructive and engaging. Oftentimes young parents do not get many opportunities to discuss deeper issues with other parents simply because there isn’t much time during the week due to the demands of raising a family. The Thursday night discussions provide a time for couples to have a conversation they would not normally have during the week. As a result, you get to hear various points of view on a topic that could potentially differ from your own. The best part of it is thinking through these responses biblically and sometimes, that can lead to some uncomfortable or even unpopular conclusions.
We spent a great deal of time discussing what attracted us to our spouses back when we were dating and eventually evolved into what exactly was “biblical attraction”. This is obviously a very sensitive topic and a point of struggle for many well-meaning single adults. The popular definition of attraction in our culture consists largely in part of the physical aspect while often ignoring the spiritual component. If our allegiance is to Christ and our heart’s desire is to be more like Him, then what we look for in a spouse should mirror what Christ would (and did) seek after: a person’s heart. What was edifying was determining what was biblical, then hearing from different men and women regarding the struggles a single man or woman might go through should they take this point of view. We all know that it’s one thing to subscribe to a particular theological conviction but quite another to follow through with its implications in real life. How does one handle physical attraction when dating/what about the Song of Solomon? What should a young lady do if she feels no “chemistry” to somebody courting her? Should a man continue to pursue a girl if he feels no physical attraction to her? What would we teach our own children regarding these things?
We both appreciated the time with Grace Life (especially the childcare) and continued the discussion in the car ride home. We look forward to our next meeting and strengthening our marriages with other fellow believers!