by Josh Liu

What is friendship? If you were asked, “What does the Bible say about friendship?” would you be able to answer? Do Christian friendships differ from non-Christian friendships? These questions are only a few of the many questions that demonstrate how significant the topic of friendship is. No man is an island; every person, to a degree, will be confronted with having to interact with or relate to another person. Friendship is particularly a significant issue among children and youth. Perhaps you have heard the old axioms, “One apple spoils the bunch,” or, “If all your friends jumped off a cliff, would you?” The first phrase reveals the concern of bad peer influence, while the question reveals a struggle for parent authority or personal responsibility (over and against peer relationships). Perhaps, while growing up, you wanted answers for the following questions:

• Can my best friend be a nonbeliever?
• Can my best friend be from the opposite gender?
• How do I make friends?
• Why did my friend leave me?
• What do you do if there’s a fall-out with one friend in a group?
• What do you do if friends begin liking each other?
• Do I have to be friends with everyone?

At this past Lumos youth winter retreat, we spent four days at Big Bear Lake Christian Conference Center (from January 1-4), and studied what God’s Word taught on friendship. It was a blessed time of fellowship, games, learning, playing in the snow, and discussion!

During the first session, Jon Yang from LBCLA preached on friendship with God from John 15:5-17.

As James 4:4 says, “You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.” Those who refuse to submit to God in faith and obedience are actually in submission to the world (cf. Eph. 2:1-10; Rom. 6:17-18). To not have a relationship with God is to have a relationship with the world. If you are not reconciled with God, you remain under His wrath for your unrighteousness. There is no intimate, peaceful relationship there. However, through Christ’s death on behalf of the repentant sinner and resurrection from the dead, He gives the gift of a reconciled relationship to God, to be His friend. Jon gave four fundamentals for a friendship with God: (1) It is only possible because Christ laid down His life (vv. 12-13); (2) It is characterized by a loving and trusting obedience (v. 14); (3) It is characterized by different relationship (v. 15); And (4) it is characterized by love for the redeemed (v. 17).

In the second session, Cesar Vigil-Ruiz preached on how the Tri-unity within the Godhead impacts friendship.

The Trinity is a nonnegotiable distinctive of Christianity, which requires our utmost attention. The unity and relationship within the Godhead is absolutely transcendent. Thus, this section does not conclude that the Trinity serves as a model of friendship. Rather, as we pursue to love God and love people, our knowledge and worship of God will overflow into our love and service of one another. Cesar gave three applications for the pursuit of a biblical friendship: (1) Learn from the wise, caring, and goodness of the God the Father’s exercise of authority (Eph. 1:3-12); (2) Learn from God the Son’s submission to His Father done in joyful love (John 8:23, 28-32); And (3) learn from the behind-the-scenes character of God the Spirit.

Later, we divided between the boys and girls and had separate breakout sessions.

In the third session, I preached on the distinctives of a biblical friendship.

What is the difference between a worldly friendship and a biblical friendship? Is the basis of your friendship with someone formed around common interests (e.g. sports, music, hobbies), circumstances (e.g. event, project, trial), or some other commonality (e.g. nationality, culture)? The same things drive even friendships of unbelievers. If your friendship with a person is not founded upon and driven by Christ, you may be guilty of a worldly friendship. Here were tentative general definitions I provided: A worldly friendship is a relationship that serves a personal need/desire or expectation; A biblical friendship is a relationship that gives opportunity to live as a witness of and for God’s glory. I gave three distinctives of a biblical friendship. First, the foundation of a biblical friendship is Christ. This is the most important distinctive, which has been mentioned above. Christ is the bond between persons. Through Him, there is true commonality (or unity, intimacy, fellowship, relationship): common experience (of conviction and salvation), common victory, common authority, common pursuit or direction, common goal, common conduct, common family, common desires, and common sacrifice and suffering. A second distinctive is that, because of who Christ is and what He has done, all believers are called to friend others–to love and serve enemies and neighbors (cf. Matt. 5:47), to be witness of Christ to them (cf. Acts 1:8; Matt. 25:31-40). Third, since Christ is the bond between persons and the example of pursuing all others, believers share real unity and lasting intimacy. Friends come and go, but the fellowship of believers goes beyond time and circumstances.

Lastly, for the fourth session, I preached on friendship between boys and girls.

Sin has twisted relationships. There is a lot of confusion and inappropriate “friending” between men and women. First, I provided a five reasons why men and women ought to be friends (living a witness of and for God’s glory toward one another): (1) God created men and women in His image; (2) Relationships between men and women are included in the body of Christ; (3) Men and women have the same biblical commands (e.g. one another commands); (4) Men and women experience temptations, trials, and suffering; And (5) men and women have the same need–Christ and His Word. Next, I provided six ways to pursue an appropriate friendship with the opposite gender: (1) View each other as a precious sibling; (2) Live with above reproach wisdom; (3) Understand and honor other relationships–parents and spouse; (4) Fulfill biblical men’s and women’s roles; (5) Confront personal sin and temptation; And (5) devote to “one anothering” wisely.

Through this update and summary, my hope is that you are encouraged by what is going on in the youth ministry, exhorted to love God and others more, and challenged to examine your life and heart.

Will you pursue friendships as opportunities to live as a witness of and for the glory of God?