by Pastor Patrick Cho
Editor’s Note: Since Patrick is travelling, this week he wanted to point your attention to a Cripplegate article on self-pity. The article is linked at the end of his introduction below.
I know of many people who struggle with self pity and many don’t discern the sinful heart attitudes behind it. Ironically, self pity is a dangerous form of pride. At the heart of self pity is an unhealthy preoccupation with self (what one thinks of himself or what others think of him). One of the unfortunate byproducts of self pity is that it targets others to help feed the individual’s pride. An interaction might go something like this:
- Person 1 – “I hate myself.”
- Person 2 – “No, you’re wonderful and amazing.”
The fact is that if a person truly hated himself, he would not seek affirmation from others. He also would not care to feel better about himself or want better things for himself. He would actually want to hate himself and seek the worst for himself. Instead, those who struggle with self pity seek to improve their lives through other people’s compliments and they desire better for themselves. Many people who fall into this subtle form of pride become jealous of others because they feel like they deserve better or should have better things. They might reason: “Why don’t I have X? Why should they have X?” X could be physical beauty, attention, relationship, possessions, fulfillment, happiness, etc. The problem is not that a person with self pity loves himself too little, but that he loves himself too much. He is not satisfied or content with his life and believes he deserves better.
When you struggle with self pity, it is a sin that needs to be confessed to the Lord and repented of. Part of the putting off and putting on process of repentance includes getting the focus off of self and directing it towards the Lord and others. Instead of being so preoccupied with how awful your life is, it would be better to worship God and communicate how wonderful He is and to encourage others through your actions and speech.