When the Sun Shines Through the Gray Clouds of Ministry

by Pastor James Lee

Growing up, my family could not afford expensive vacations that involved air travel, so it was the pattern that we would always, always get in my dad’s Ford and go camping every summer. My first adventure flying didn’t come until I left on a mission trip to Japan at age 23. I remember my team was amused in witnessing my journey from anxiety to amazement to wonder as we took off from LAX. One of them, thought it would be funny, to buy one of those toy planes with the airlines logo from a stewardess to commemorate my initiation. At the moment, I thought I had finally arrived, fulfilling a dream to fly since childhood. But as much as I enjoyed the aerial view and appreciated the huge and humbling breadth and power of God over His universe, I have always loved the trees of the forest and not just the forest. As a father myself, I now appreciate all the road trips my family took before there were seat belt laws and mobile entertainment. I enjoyed playing “Uno” in the back seat with my brother, singing 99 bottles of beer on the wall, naming items through the alphabet, and getting truckers to “pull” their horns.

Wherever our family sedan could take us and back within my father’s allotted vacation time, we circumnavigated the entire western United States. Our travel Bible was the KOA site guide and National Park system – Yosemite, Bryce Canyon, Grand Canyon, Yellowstone, Death Valley, Big Sur, the Grand Tetons, wherever we could pitch a tent and break out the old Coleman stove, or find the cheapest motel in a big city, with perhaps a night sleeping in the car. My dad bought me a Kodak Extralite camera that used 110 film that you had to manually forward, and he’d let me shoot 5 rolls of 36 exposure film every trip (the discount saver pack). I’d ration my film along the way like it was water in a desert. And my brother and I would collect “free” rocks, and try our best to discern the best thing to get for our one item souvenir allowance. Most of the time I’d regret an early purchase or regret not making a purchase long gone at the last stop; it was always the great dilemma for me. What made it worse, as a foolish child I’d pout and lament the regrets of buying the silly astronaut food or not buying the cool wooden rubber band gun with an engraved eagle handle. So as we were driving through some amazing scenery, I’d be pouting like a brat from my inevitable buyer’s remorse. Then something so majestically beautiful would jolt me from my idolatrous state into humbled awe – dropping into the blue lakes of the Tuolumne high country after soaking our feet in the Merced River of Yosemite valley, driving across the Golden Gate Bridge for the first time, or driving through a pounding snow storm in Park City, Utah. I’d forget the souvenir shops, and get immersed in those seemingly larger-than-life experiences.

As a pastor and as a brother, I confess I still make the mistake of getting discouraged in the difficult details and trials of ministry, missing the incredibly wonderful and intimately merciful kindnesses the Lord bestows along the way. There are both small things that elicit the sweetness of fresh praise and the awesome displays of grace that take our breath away for their sheer magnitude. Sadly, far too often, I have missed many of both and everything in between. But to encourage us to see more than we see, let me share just a few of the many beautiful things I’ve witnessed in my life and ministry that can only be explained by His loving power. They remind me of His faithfulness, to keep on:

  1. The Incredible Beauty of Witnessing Regeneration – The salvation of sinners is a sight that never gets old, and is one that I long for more than almost any other thing. Once flatlined, now alive unto God! Once blind, now really seeing! Once an enemy, now God’s child! Once enslaved to sin, now enslaved to Christ! And the farther from God a person previously appeared to be, the more it made me marvel. And the more neglectful or poor a witness I was, the more simultaneously humbling and grateful. The first person I led to Christ as a student at UCLA came from the most nervous gospel presentation probably ever heard in church history, but God still saved him. Since then, I’m always asking our Father to let me see it again and again. “For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.’ And they began to celebrate.” (Luke 15:24)
  2. The Incredible Beauty of Pursuing Reconciliation – When I was young, my newly saved dad wasn’t paid for 6 months of professional architectural services from a man who purposely cheated him and refused to pay the court-ordered settlement. A year later, that man was dying from cancer, and my father led him to Christ at the hospital. We never got the money owed, and my dad gave more of “God’s money” to the surviving widow. And on the drive home, he saw my anger, and told me the Bible says we must forgive, “as God in Christ forgave.” (Ephesians 4:32) I drove indifferently through that beautiful truth. So, as a young adult I raged inside against a relative for breaking my dad’s arm because he didn’t have any more money to loan him for an investment that went bad. My dad kept sending gifts and cards to the relative appealing for reconciliation. I’d roll my eyes and reason my father was pathetic and weak. Later I went to my relative’s house as a teenager with my Louisville Slugger, only to find he had moved away. 20 years later, I saw them hugging in tears as though they were twins separated at birth. In that moment, I repented of my gross hypocrisy. Not only was the hoped-for result beautiful, but I saw the pursuit was beautiful even if the result never came.
  3. The Incredible Beauty of Genuine Repentance – A youth group member goes to state prison for attempted murder after years of hardened gangbanging while sacrificially caring for his mom when at home. Prior to that, I’d smell the pot on his clothes every week at church, and broke up several fights he was involved in. He was bigger than me, but he was respectful of me… because of his mom. I’d tell him about Jesus every week, but to him that was cruel and unusual punishment, each time his eyes would glaze over. And once in my lack of love and impatience, I was physically rough in breaking up another fight. I had had it. I never saw him again after that day. The next time I saw him was through the glass at LA county downtown. When he was released several years later, he was a brother in Christ and never the same. His old “friends” found him and beat him down. He never fought back, but was telling them to believe in Jesus. They left him alone after that. And now he’s making his mom, sister, and church family proud. His repentance (not penance) is one of the best things I’ve ever seen. I had to repent too, and thank the Lord for having mercy on me too.
  4. The Incredible Beauty of Modern Reformation – Most of the beautiful things I see on a regular basis is the power of God’s Word at work in the lives of church members as they grow in spiritual maturity. Fresh affections that come from satisfied spiritual hunger, and the reformation that occurs from replacing pockets of bad theology from ever increasingly being gripped by sound doctrine, are those subtle but happy moments for me in ministry. I get invigorated when I see shy members, ordinary believers like me, be bold in sharing their faith. I’ll take godliness over giftedness, character over charisma, and faithfulness over reputation any day and every day. Youthful arrogance being gradually stripped away and clothed with humility are nothing short of supernatural. Growing together makes it even more picturesque and drops us to our knees before our King. The way a brother or sister lights up in understanding and strengthened faith from a regular Bible study time, or when members pray in the parking lot, or the way we’re all humbled by trials to bring about greater Christlikeness (Romans 8:29) are signposts of God’s faithfulness and the promise of more to come.
  5. The Incredible Beauty of Gospel Relationship – The church, the Body, a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, sojourners and exiles, gospel ambassadors, God’s adopted children, joint heirs, from every tribe, nation, and tongue, every socio-economic background, united under one Lord, one faith, one baptism, called and set apart, sinful folk who would otherwise never think about coming together, under the constant barrage of Satan’s devious machinations, but preserved and victorious by God’s sovereign supremacy! There are threats within and without. There are scandals and failures and church splits, but far less than our depravity would gladly manufacture. It’s a glorious and awesome sight to see the true church of Jesus Christ march on in loving unity. I have witnessed much personal failure in my own life, but God never fails!

Obviously, there’s a lot more that could be said and added to the endless list of beautiful and powerful things our God does. I invite you to share those things with someone and mutually encourage each other in them. Whether they are as mundane as shepherding a disobedient toddler on a Tuesday morning or as grand as large scale revival in answer to prayer, may we see God’s greatness and goodness at display and then live accordingly as people of certain hope. And as we walk with our Savior-King, fight the good fight, run the race set before each of us, may we see the sunshine of God’s gracious work especially in the rigors of our life and ministry. I have often struggled with my lack of success in the realm of my pastoral ministry. I get depressed by long seasons that appear to bear little fruit compared to others despite the hard labor and repeated sacrifices. We live in a world that judges on the results, and how we get there seems to matter very little. It’s hard on me, my family especially, and the people who have fought in the trenches with me the longest. But I don’t always see, am able to see, or am even meant to see everything the Lord is actually doing. The first year of LBCOC often seemed like a continual fight to the death for joy. It was hard to see or hear much that was encouraging on top of criticisms and exhaustion and inadequacy, but hindsight is usually 20/20 especially for a half-empty proud dude like me. And I’ve seen God was actively at work in the last year in many more ways than I was able to previously see. Recently, in the face of many hard realities, I was humbled by the fact I get to do what I get to do, for any length of time I get to do it for His glory. When our joy is to be a servant of the King, we become happy for any assignment He gives. I don’t know what’s next, but I know our good and great God, is going to show us something more beautiful than we could ever have imagined, even if it never comes to look like what we imagined it to be. Let’s continue in that adventure by faith, trusting our Father’s wise bestowment.

Faithfulness in “little things” is a great thing. 1 Corinthians 15:58 exhorts, “Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.”