by Patrick and Christine Cho

2015 has been a memorable year for the Cho home. This is our daughter’s first year in public school, and with all the fears we had going in, we are pleased that it has gone (and is going) much better than we could have hoped. We also had a chance this past summer to visit the Czech Republic with the church’s missions team, and it was a wonderful time of ministry and fellowship with the brothers and sisters in Beroun. We were even able to spend about a week in Paris for a family trip. Although it was completely exhausting, it was also tremendously fun! The main reason for that trip, and the biggest reason this year stands out for us, is that October 22, 2015 marks our ten year wedding anniversary.

I’m sure especially with a young church, a decade of marriage may sound like a really long time to some. Understandably, it also may not seem as long to those who are a bit more seasoned. In either case, the time really has flown by and this milestone serves as a fitting time to reflect on lessons learned and blessings experienced. Christine and I recognize God’s kindness to carry us through ten years of marriage, and there are many things we have been able to learn from it all. Here are some of the things the Lord patiently taught us over the past ten years.

1. Marriage is truly a gift of God. One of the lessons we have learned is not to take the gift of marriage for granted. We still stand behind the words of Proverbs 18:22 which state, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.” Whatever the Apostle Paul might say about the value of singleness in 1 Corinthians 7, we also understand that marriage itself is a profound blessing. It has been a great journey walking together in faith. It has also been a blessing to simply undergo the process of learning one other. We know that there are many who desire marriage that for whatever reason in the purposes of God will not experience it, so we are extremely grateful for this gift of grace.
2. Marriage requires teamwork. This is a theme that we cover in any premarital counseling sessions with other engaged couples. Love is not easy. Yes, there are times when everything seems to be working really well in the relationship and we are pushing in the same direction with a profound like-mindedness, but there are also times when the relationship is more difficult. There are times it seems we are seldom on the same page and are not understanding each other. There have been times that we have hurt and failed one another. And there have been times when it has been necessary to share a hard word with our partner. It’s in these times that it has been tremendously helpful to remember that we are on the same team. Whatever hardships we might walk through, we are walking together. We are cheering for each other and desire each other’s success. I know I want the best for my wife and she wants the best for me. It reminds me of the thought from Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, that there is strength in numbers. Being on the same team means that there will be times that we need to lean on each other, especially when one is not as strong. There will be times that we need to protect and defend each other. There are times when we need to encourage and cheer for each other. Being on a team means that we don’t speak ill of each other to others. We don’t throw each other under the bus. Instead, we work things out in private until the relationship is good.
3. There is value in affection. Christine and I joke around that we are still in our honeymoon phase. We enjoy each other’s company because fun is a non-negotiable factor in our relationship. I sometimes tell other married men in the church that you cannot express love to your wife enough. You can’t say it enough and you can’t demonstrate it enough. Some may have heard the joke of the husband saying to his wife, “I told you I loved you when I married you, and if anything changes I’ll let you know.” But especially in a Christian marriage, love is the ultimate expression since it is the summation of the Law of God (Matt. 22:37-40), and there should be a consistent expression throughout the marriage relationship. As Dr. Ernie Baker recently shared at our recent married couples’ weekend conference, the Bible instructs us to love our neighbor (Matt. 22:39), and perhaps our closest neighbor is our spouse. Of course, there are many different ways to express love and affection (e.g., physical affection, intimacy and sex, verbal communication, acts of service, acts of sacrifice, gifts, etc.), and different occasions will warrant different expressions. The important thing is that it is being expressed and that the relationship is being affirmed.
4. There still is a lot to learn. There are many other lessons and blessings I could add to this list that Christine and I have gained over the past ten years, but if anything is concrete and clear, it is that we are not at the journey’s end. We still have so much to learn about marriage and each other. We have much to learn about what it means to love one another in the love of Christ. Our selfishness and pride oftentimes get in the way. We constantly find ourselves returning to the throne of grace begging for mercy and help. Even with all the lessons learned, we praise God for the arena of marriage where God continues to make and mold us into the man and woman He desires us to be.