by Ryan McAdams

The doctor stared at me, expectantly.

My wife was staring at me. My baby cried on her lap. The clock had passed midnight.

Through a translator, the doctor had asked me, “Shall we inject her?” And now, I had to decide.

Leading to this decision, we had to decide to leave the church at our meeting site and venture to the doctor’s office and then the hospital at ten at night. We had to decide to leave because we had decided to re-join the church earlier in the evening after deciding in the morning that my wife and sick baby should stay at the hotel to rest. In addition to all of that, we had decided to take this trip in the first place.

So, who should receive the blame for the circumstances in which we found ourselves? Do I blame the baby for her weakness? Do I blame my wife for her strong desire to re-join the church for that final meeting? Do I blame the team for pushing us physically? Do I blame Argentina for its unsanitary environment? Do I blame God?

No! If God has given me the role of head of my family and I intend to fulfill that role, then the responsibility and blame for these decisions lie on me.

I struggled throughout the trip with my desire to assign blame as a result of our difficulties. Bags too heavy? Why did my wife have to pack so much? (I could have told her that we needed to pack less [and then helped her!] beforehand.) Baby not sleeping well? Why didn’t the leaders schedule more breaks? (Solely by virtue of joining the team, we knew this would probably happen.) Even in my life here, I battle with the same train of thinking. Running late? Why did my co-worker have to start talking with me as I was leaving? (I could have politely excused myself [or impolitely, and then have other consequences with which to contend] or have prepared to leave earlier to account for things like this.) Feeling spiritual disconnect within the family? Why do other people have so many activities and demand so much of my time? (If I really value our spiritual lives, then I can step away from other activities that interfere with that time.) In every case, I have the option of blaming others or accepting responsibility for the present state.

But, why should I accept responsibility? To answer this, we can start with the first human, Adam. Eve ate from the tree, gave some to Adam, and then God asked Adam to explain himself. Adam attempts to absolve himself completely when he responds, The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate. (Genesis 3:12) He implies that Eve made him eat, but he even also adds a subtle jab at God with the sneaky reminder that God gave him this irresistible temptress. I need to resist the temptation to blame Adam for my tendency to blame others here, but let’s just say that I fail in good company. So, what does God do? Does God tell Adam, Oh, you’re right! Eve, I’m holding you responsible for this whole mess, and Adam, I’m sorry for giving her to you. No! God holds Adam responsible not just for eating the apple by himself, but for allowing Eve to eat as well!

Solomon saw this attitude enough to pen a proverb about it. Proverbs 19:3 says When a man’s folly brings his way to ruin, his heart rages against the Lord. This cuts straight to the point. If I believe God is sovereign (and I do), any blame I point outside of myself will inevitably rest on God. But, Solomon clearly places the blame on the man.

Even to come to Christ, one of the first steps involves taking responsibility for your own sin, and realizing that you do deserve condemnation for it. The beauty of the gospel is that Christ took the punishment the sinner rightfully deserved and that God doesn’t hold that sinner responsible any more! This incredible reversal leads to incredible gratitude precisely because that forgiven sinner understands the magnitude of his responsibility before Christ took it.

All throughout the Bible, God holds man responsible for his sin and the decisions that he makes. And yet, I see in my heart, and all around me in the world this attitude of self-victimization and evasion of responsibility. Throughout my time as the head of my own family, I’ve struggled (and grown, thanks to God) in this area, and our time in Argentina helped me reflect even more on this truth as I had to confront my own thoughts in various circumstances there.

Ladies, I hope you can mine some helpful truth from these thoughts, but I have targeted men in particular for two reasons. First, I have found that many of us seem to share this struggle.

But secondly, and probably more importantly, God has called men to lead, whether in the home or in the church, and people have all sorts of ideas about how leadership looks (or ideas about manliness). Some of these ideas come from the Bible; many do not. But, I can confidently say that the idea of handling responsibility does come from the Bible, and that many young men pursuing manliness overlook this aspect of leadership.

It is my hope that those men younger than me would learn this more quickly than me, and that we would all grow in our humility, which according to the apostle Paul, is the attitude that Christ exemplified.

I give God much thanks for the trip he allowed me, my family, and my church to take to Argentina this year, for the lessons in responsibility I learned, but also for the joy and fellowship we experienced with the church in Tucuman and within our own family as well.

To conclude the story, I authorized the doctor to inject my daughter. They also prescribed her some medicine to quell her vomiting, which worked for the remainder of the trip. The church and translators showed us much hospitality, even in the sixteen hours between the hospital visit and our plane flight to leave. We were able to return home safely, and have no regrets about choosing to take the trip.

Editor’s note: This is a continuation of a series of articles being provided by the 2013 Argentina short-term missions team announced here.