Category Archives: Grace Life

God’s Wisdom for Parenting (Part 10)

by Pastor Patrick Cho

One of the places in Scripture to find a wealth of helpful principles for parenting is the Proverbs. Almost every book on parenting will reference these Scriptures repeatedly because of the wisdom they contain. Besides the plethora of verses that apply to parenting indirectly, several passages address parenting specifically.

A fool rejects his father’s discipline, but he who regards reproof is sensible. (Proverbs 15:5)

Returning to a familiar theme in Proverbs, the author once again warns against rejecting discipline and spurning reproof. The fool in Proverbs is always depicted as morally corrupt. His wickedness is demonstrated in his sinful acts as well as his evil speech. Consider the way a fool behaves: he delights in doing wickedness (10:23), displays anger (12:16), mocks at sin (14:9), is arrogant and careless (14:16), and quarrels with others (20:3). With his mouth, the fool has lying lips and spreads slander (10:18) and his lips bring strife (18:6). It is no wonder the Proverbs speak repeatedly of how the fool’s life will end in ruin.

The reason a fool behaves the way he does is because his heart is inclined to do evil. A man does as he thinks, and the fool acts consistently with the disposition of his heart. It stems from the revelation in Proverbs 1:7 that a fool despises understanding. He acts in a reprehensible way because he turns away from godly wisdom. Several times, the author of Proverbs communicates that parental discipline is a source of godly wisdom. One of the reasons a fool runs to ruin is because he does not listen to the counsel of his father and mother.

Sadly, this verse presents a sobering reality that your child may not ultimately do what is right even if you are diligently instructing him or her. While by God’s grace it is generally the pattern that faithful parenting will produce faithful children, there is no guarantee that a person’s children will be saved because of his parents’ efforts. A father may discipline his son and still see his son choose the way of the fool. It is imperative that as parents we pray diligently for God’s grace to save our children and to protect them from waywardness (cf. Prov. 1:32).

The last thought in this verse is that the one who “regards reproof is sensible.” I am always astounded when I meet with older men of the faith to talk about counseling cases or life circumstances that baffle me. Their ability to craftily work through the biblical principles that speak to the issue and demonstrate understanding and wisdom in knowing exactly what to do or how to think is impressive. This is the idea behind the word sensible. It can be translated “shrewd” or “prudent,” and is the exact opposite of the fool. One of the great goals of parenting is to invest in our children through our instruction and example so that they will grow in wisdom and develop the same shrewdness.

God’s Wisdom for Parenting (Part 9)

by Pastor Patrick Cho

One of the places in Scripture to find a wealth of helpful principles for parenting is the Proverbs. Almost every book on parenting will reference these Scriptures repeatedly because of the wisdom they contain. Besides the plethora of verses that apply to parenting indirectly, several passages address parenting specifically.

In the fear of the LORD there is strong confidence, And his children will have refuge. (Proverbs 14:26)

What are you afraid of? What keeps you up at night? What anxieties disturb the peace in your heart? When we experience this kind of fear, it exposes our lack of trust in the Lord. We think our problems are too big inevitably because we deem our God too small. We don’t trust His Word when it teaches that we can say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper. I will not be afraid. What will man do to me?” (Heb. 13:6). We treat Him as small who has promised, “I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you” (Heb. 13:5). We distrust that by prayer we have no reason for anxiety and we can have the peace of God guarding and protecting our hearts and minds (Phil. 4:6-7).

The psalmist writes that there is strong confidence in the fear of YHWH. It is ironic, I suppose, that the author states that “strong confidence” comes as a result of “fear.” But this is not a fear of dread like the fear of an untamed beast or horrible calamity. The fear of God is worshipful awe and reverence at His glory and greatness. This is about finding sure confidence in who God is regardless of what we face in life. Because we know Him, we understand that our God is bigger than any trial we may endure. The greater our fear of God, the surer our strong confidence. He is my God and He is my Lord, and if God is for me, who can be against me (cf. Rom. 8:31).

Every believer ought to strive to attain this confidence, which comes only as a result of greater knowledge and deeper relationship with God. This truth serves as an anchor for the soul to keep the heart from being tossed back and forth by its own inclinations and emotions. You can ask yourself, “Do I trust that in God I have no reason for fear? Is He my strong confidence?”

The principle for parenting comes in the second half of this insightful couplet. It says that if a man fears the Lord, his children will have refuge. The strength of my faith as a father serves as a spiritual protection for my children. One specific grace that God sometimes bestows is for a person to be raised in a Christian home with God-fearing parents. Many people reflect on the strong faith of their parents that encouraged them throughout their childhood. Especially in times of trouble, if my faith is unsure, it will have an adverse effect on the faith of my children. But if I maintain strong confidence in God, I can serve as a steadying influence for my children encouraging them likewise to trust in God.

One day, my child’s faith is going to need to be their own. They will walk through their own valleys and experience their own trials. But especially while they are young, I have a responsibility to demonstrate strong confidence in God because in my confidence they will find refuge. This is a helpful principle for parenting that cultivating our own walk with Christ has benefits beyond ourselves. Through our faith in God, our children can be blessed.

God’s Wisdom for Parenting (Part 8)

by Pastor Patrick Cho

One of the places in Scripture to find a wealth of helpful principles for parenting is the Proverbs. Almost every book on parenting will reference these Scriptures repeatedly because of the wisdom they contain. Besides the plethora of verses that apply to parenting indirectly, several passages address parenting specifically.

He who withholds his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently. (Proverbs 13:24)

In this series, I have been walking through proverbs that specifically deal with the theme of parenting. The passage for today comes just two verses after the previous verse we looked at. As with some earlier proverbs, this verse walks through the importance of discipline, but here it is specifically dealing with applying the rod in parenting. It is not surprising that this is a controversial issue amongst parents outside the church. Many secular articles have been written warning against the dangers of spanking. But from a Christian perspective, God’s Word is clear that a parent’s responsibility is to guide their children away from sinful behavior by loving discipline and the implementation of the “rod.”

Some Christians have attempted to argue that the Bible does not promote spanking young children. They claim that, though well-intended, we have misunderstood Scripture’s intent. One argument they posit is that the Hebrew word for “child” (Heb. naar) in the Proverbs does not refer to young children but older youths. A quick look at several passages would demonstrate that this is false. While it is true that the word can refer to young men (Gen. 14:24), it is also used to label very young children (Gen. 21:12) and even infants (Exod. 2:6; 1 Sam. 1:22). This word can be applied to any child that is not a full-grown adult. The notion that the Bible does not promote spanking children is driven by a predetermined agenda without allowing Scripture to speak for itself.

This proverb states that the one who refrains from implementing the rod of discipline hates his son, but the one who loves him disciplines him diligently. This is contrary to the unfortunate thinking of many parents that spanking is unloving or harsh. Of course, a parent can punish their child in a very unloving and even abusive way, but biblical discipline never allows for this. Biblically, discipline is either applied in love or it is sin. Parents who spank their children in anger need to repent and seek forgiveness from God and their children. The motive for biblical correction is always love.

Many parents today reject spanking because of a faulty understanding of human nature, that children are basically innocent. As such, too many unfortunately allow their children to learn merely from their experiences and their own life choices. Too many parents allow their children to have their own way. But the Bible commands parents to teach a child the way to go. In fact, the Bible teaches that leaving a child to choose their own way will lead to their spiritual destruction. This is why the author states that withholding discipline is tantamount to hating your child.

It follows then that if a parent loves their child with true, godly love, they will seek to save their child from a course in life that leads to destruction by not allowing them to go their own way (Prov. 29:15; cf. Prov. 22:6 CSB). Parents are to do this “diligently” (Heb. mūsar). This is an interesting adverb in Hebrew that comes from the root word for “dawn.” It should be understood as “early.” In other words, diligently disciplining your child is to correct their behavior early without allowing it to persist.

God’s Wisdom for Parenting (Part 7)

by Pastor Patrick Cho

One of the places in Scripture to find a wealth of helpful principles for parenting is the Proverbs. Almost every book on parenting will reference these Scriptures repeatedly because of the wisdom they contain. Besides the plethora of verses that apply to parenting indirectly, several passages address parenting specifically.

A good man leaves an inheritance to his children’s children, and the wealth of the sinner is stored up for the righteous. (Proverbs 13:22)

This is an interesting Proverb only because it seems there are so many exceptions to this ideal. Remember that Proverbs are not communicating universal truths but general maxims. They are written to communicate godly wisdom to help us understand who God is and what He generally desires of His people. After I read this verse, various examples came to mind of godly men who didn’t have the means to provide inheritances for their children, let alone their grandchildren. What if a man doesn’t even have children? Contrariwise, it is not uncommon to see the wealth of sinners oftentimes benefiting their families for generations to come.

But the truth of this proverb is illustrated in Scripture in several places. For instance, the wealth of righteous Abraham benefited his family for several generations, and Israel was able to plunder the idolatrous Egyptians before departing for Canaan. There are two key contrasts in this couplet. The first is between the good man and the sinner. The other is between the products of their lives. In other words, the verse is communicating that in the end, sin does not pay; it isn’t worth it and its consequences extend beyond even your life. At the end of your life, what will your righteous living (or sinful living) show for itself? The idea is that your righteous living will benefit your children and your children’s children. Whereas, if you spent your life in unrepentant sin, you will leave your family bankrupt.

Even if this principle does not prove itself financially for your family, it almost universally pays off spiritually. While your godliness does not guarantee the godliness of your children, generally we see the Lord’s kindness in this, that a couple’s children adopt the faith of their parents. Maybe you will not be able to leave your children a grand inheritance of houses and the riches of this world, but that does not mean you cannot pass on a lasting legacy of godliness that will benefit your children in this life and the life to come.

God’s Wisdom for Parenting (Part 6)

by Pastor Patrick Cho

One of the places in Scripture to find a wealth of helpful principles for parenting is the Proverbs. Almost every book on parenting will reference these Scriptures repeatedly because of the wisdom they contain. Besides the plethora of verses that apply to parenting indirectly, several passages address parenting specifically.

Poverty and shame will come to him who neglects discipline, but he who regards reproof will be honored. (Proverbs 13:18)

Once again, the author of Proverbs returns to the theme of discipline. While this passage is not addressing parents or children specifically, its principle is surely applicable. Other proverbs focus on the folly of disregarding discipline. This verse emphasizes the consequences of turning away from it. It is important to note that the idea behind the word discipline is instruction. In this context, it is more than just corrective or punitive. As it relates to parenting, we must remember that the goal of Christian parenting is to implement discipline that is formative. We are not simply after behavioral change. We want to help our children to think with godly wisdom so that it affects their behavior.

To neglect discipline is essentially to have an unteachable heart. The word for neglect is translated from a verb that means “to let go or loose.” This is the same word used in Proverbs 1:25 where the author confronts his son for neglecting all his counsel. When godly wisdom is passed down from one generation to the next, children are warned not to let it slip through their fingers.

Instead, the one who is wise “regards reproof.” They not only hear it, but heed it and keep it. This is not just giving assent to it but also practicing what is taught because you recognize it as sound counsel. It is one thing for my child to do what I say. It is another for them to understand why it is for their good regardless of what their own heart’s desire. No one likes to be reproved or corrected, but a person recognizes it is lifegiving when they understand that it is what they need most in the moment.

It requires humility and teachability to welcome reproof and to heed it. The verse says that the one who regards it will be honored. “Honored” comes from a word that has the idea of heaviness, weightiness, or muchness. The noun form of this word is translated “glory.” There is significant substance to a person who is teachable and he is worth emulating. Parents need to help children understand the wisdom in this. The world promotes this idea that standing for yourself is what gives you substance. The Bible teaches that it actually comes from listening to wise counsel.

God’s Wisdom for Parenting (Part 5)

by Pastor Patrick Cho

One of the places in Scripture to find a wealth of helpful principles for parenting is the Proverbs. Almost every book on parenting will reference these Scriptures repeatedly because of the wisdom they contain. Besides the plethora of verses that apply to parenting indirectly, several passages address parenting specifically.

A wise son accepts his father’s discipline, But a scoffer does not listen to rebuke. (Proverbs 13:1)

I am sure many people can relate to the experience I had growing up under my father’s discipline. I had a hard time listening to my dad’s instruction. I would sometimes even roll my eyes and sigh, blatantly non-verbally communicating my disinterest. Looking back I see that oftentimes when a friend or another adult mentor would give me the same advice as my dad, I would listen to it and even immediately start applying the counsel to my life. It is no wonder the Bible says so much about listening to your parents. According to Deuteronomy 21:18ff, an obstinate rebellious child was to be put to death for his sin! Proverbs 23:22 states, “Listen to your father who begot you, and do not despise your mother when she is old.”

Now that I am a parent myself, I have come to understand and appreciate how helpful my parents’ counsel was. It is eerie how I sometimes sound so much like my father. Sometimes I catch myself teaching my children the same maxims and lessons using the same words even with my dad’s broken English! There is invaluable wisdom that comes with age, and it is impossible for young children to naturally have the perspective of their parents. According to Proverbs 13:1, part of what it means to have godly wisdom is to listen to your father’s discipline.

No son likes this. No one likes being corrected. No one enjoys being told they are wrong. But the scoffer is the one who rolls his eyes, sighs, and shakes his head at his father’s words. The scoffer refuses to listen to correction, which eventually leads to his ruin. The scoffer, in his pride, assumes that he knows better than his father. There is definitely this tendency in young people to dismiss their parents’ instruction because they feel like their parents are out of touch with the world around them. It is difficult for young people to understand that “there is nothing new under the sun” (Ecc. 1:9). The issues the world faces may be packaged differently from generation to generation, but at the heart our parents dealt with the same struggles, temptations, and evils that we face today.

My father was not perfect by any means, but I look back and see how I would have been spared significant pain and not made some of the greatest mistakes in my life if I had listened better to my father’s discipline. While I cannot change the past, I can strive to lead my children and develop the kind of relationship with them that they value their parents’ instruction and seek after their counsel. But it will be essential to remember that my children will have the same sinful tendencies the Bible warns against that I had.

God’s Wisdom for Parenting (Part 4)

by Pastor Patrick Cho

One of the places in Scripture to find a wealth of helpful principles for parenting is the Proverbs. Almost every book on parenting will reference these Scriptures repeatedly because of the wisdom they contain. Besides the plethora of verses that apply to parenting indirectly, several passages address parenting specifically.

Assuredly, the evil man will not go unpunished, but the descendants of the righteous will be delivered. (Proverbs 11:21)

Grace Life has been walking through a series in the Book of Proverbs examining passages that relate directly to parenting. Today’s article looks at Proverbs 11:21 which states that the descendants of the righteous will be delivered. The context speaks of God’s judgment on the evil person, so that the deliverance of the righteous man is specifically from the judgment of God. We know from the greater context of Scripture that our only hope of righteousness is the imputed righteousness of Christ (cf. 2 Cor. 5:21). What makes this passage interesting is that it does not say that the righteous man will be delivered, but that the descendants of the righteous man will be delivered.

One of the demonstrations of God’s grace is generational faith. Of course, faithful, godly parenting does not guarantee the salvation of one’s children. A person is saved by God’s grace alone, and not by any personal effort or merit (cf. Eph. 2:8-9). But a pattern that we see in Scripture is that God desires one generation to tell of His greatness to subsequent generations that they would also have faith (cf. Deut. 4:9-10), and sometimes He even demonstrates His amazing grace to the future generation in spite of the previous generation’s faithlessness (cf. Ps. 78:4-8).

From experience in life, this is a pattern that we oftentimes see in the church. Those who are faithful to the truth of God and seek to live joyfully according to His commands are often blessed by God so that their children also follow their example of faith. I will never forget the testimony of one friend of remarkable faith. When I asked him how he came to live for the Lord with such rigor and strength, he said it was the example of his parents that motivated him to love Christ.

It is definitely heartbreaking to see anyone’s children stray from the faith. Again, faithful parenting unfortunately does not guarantee the salvation of your children. But oftentimes, God does demonstrate His sovereign grace to families by drawing their children to Him. This should serve as a great encouragement to live faithfully before Him. With that said, it is also a great reminder of God’s grace to bring our children to saving faith despite our own inconsistent, imperfect, and oftentimes sinful parenting. Praise God that He can use broken, damaged vessels for honor and to His glory.

Rest for Moms

by Pastor Patrick Cho

A few weeks ago, we were pleased to have Pastor Mark Chin from Lighthouse San Jose come to speak for our annual Grace Life Weekend Conference. Mark addressed the theme of “Time, Work, and Rest: Ours or God’s?” The messages were timely, convicting, and extremely helpful. One of the principles Mark walked through was the importance of maintaining a time of spiritual rest amidst our hectic lives. A question that came up several times was: How can moms do this effectively when their responsibility to their children is seemingly endless? Here are some practical helps to consider:

  1. Turn Off Your Phone. This obviously does not apply to all mothers, but many who complain about not having time for the Word of God spend significant time on social media. Understanding that this seems outrageous in today’s culture, consider uninstalling Facebook and Instagram (or at least severely regulating your usage). Enjoy life’s moments without the incessant need to capture every one of them. You might be surprised at how much time this frees up!
  2. Maximize Nap Time. If you have young children, chances are they take at least one nap during the day. It is easy to utilize this time to catch up on chores and emails or even to nap yourself! But if you are one who really struggles with finding refreshing time in Scripture, take this time to spend with the Lord and feed your soul. You can discipline your children to help you with chores, but they cannot spend time with God for you.
  3. Go to Bed Earlier. God has designed us to need rest. He is the only one who neither sleeps not slumbers (Ps. 121:3-4). Implement a stricter schedule that will allow you to go to bed and wake up earlier. If it is not practical to spend time with the Lord before the children wake up, at least you will have greater energy throughout the day.

Any husband who has taken care of the kids while mom was away understands how incredibly challenging it can be. Whenever Christine goes out even for a little while, and I have to watch the kids, I can hardly get anything else done! This should clue you in to the fact that your wife needs a break from time to time. Dads, what are some ways you can provide your wives time alone to spend with the Lord or even to recuperate from the daily challenges of motherhood?

  1. Give Your Wife an Evening Off. If this can’t be weekly, then plan for at least twice a month. This time could be used to enjoy some much-needed fellowship with other ladies in the church, or it might best be spent going to a coffee shop to read her Bible and pray. Since you know that your wife needs these times to rest in the Lord and that she seldom gets time when she is home with the kids, this is a great way to serve her and encourage her faith.
  2. Institute a Quiet Time. Most families understand that with young kids there is hardly a quiet moment in the house. One thing fathers can do is to implement a quiet time in the evening before bedtime. Try starting with a fifteen-minute period and over time extending this to half an hour. The way this works is that you, your wife, and your kids enjoy some quiet reading time together before the kids go to bed. If your child is too young to read, they can work on a puzzle or draw, but they have to do it quietly. This might seem impossible for your kids, but with perseverance and discipline it could develop to be a refreshing oasis in an otherwise spiritually barren day.
  3. Weekend Retreat. Consider providing your wife a weekend retreat away with friends. One great way to implement this is to send your wife to a biblical women’s conference. Usually, groups from church will attend these conferences together. Plan ahead to clear your schedule and watch the kids. This also gives you a chance to have some extended quality time with the kids. Take them to the park, the beach, or the zoo. Or better yet, encourage them to help you clean the house or do chores to serve Mommy.

God’s Wisdom for Parenting (Part 3)

by Pastor Patrick Cho

One of the places in Scripture to find a wealth of helpful principles for parenting is the Proverbs. Almost every book on parenting will reference these Scriptures repeatedly because of the wisdom they contain. Besides the plethora of verses that apply to parenting indirectly, several passages address parenting specifically.

The proverbs of Solomon. A wise son makes a father glad, but a foolish son is a grief to his mother. (Proverbs 10:1)

As the heading to the verse suggests, this passage marks the beginning of the long list of Solomon’s proverbs. Chapters 1-9 of Proverbs are generally introductory, focusing on the incalculable value of pursuing wisdom and warning against the tragic consequences of falling to the temptation of sexual sin. But starting at Proverbs 10:1, the author offers many short but substantial nuggets of wisdom gold.

The proverb, “A wise son makes a father glad, but a foolish son is a grief to his mother,” is not arbitrary, but flows out of the previous context warning against foolishness and encouraging wise living. The previous chapter included the theme verse for the entire Book of Proverbs. Proverbs 9:10 states, “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.” This theme verse helps us to understand that there is no true wisdom apart from God. To depart from God’s instruction to trust in one’s own understanding is folly.

It is significant to understand the meaning of the word “wise” in this context. The Hebrew word has the idea of someone being skilled in what they do (Heb. chakam). In this sense, wisdom is more than just what a person knows. It also involves how well they live in accordance with what is good and true. This is why Solomon tells his son that wisdom begins with fearing God. A right understanding of the Lord will make an impact on a person’s way of life. To fear God and thus live wisely is to love the Lord and walk in His ways, forsaking the foolishness of the world and of the flesh.

In contrast to the wise is the foolish (Heb. kesil). “Foolish” can also be understood as dull or insolent. Foolish ways are particularly enticing to those who are young and immature, and there is great peril with walking in foolishness since it can lead to destruction. But foolishness does not only have consequences for the person who is foolish. It also affects others around him, so passages like Proverbs 14:7 encourage people not to associate with fools lest their wisdom also become dulled.

Because of these biblical definitions of wisdom and foolishness, of course godly parents desire their children to pursue wisdom and forsake foolishness. No parent wants their child to walk the path to destruction and to be a spiritual detriment to the well-being of those around them. Every God-fearing parent wants their child to make choices consistent with God’s revealed Word. In this way, a child that pursues godly wisdom brings joy to his parents, but a child who departs from godly wisdom will only bring grief.

God’s Wisdom for Parenting (Part 2)

by Pastor Patrick Cho

One of the places in Scripture to find a wealth of helpful principles for parenting is the Proverbs. Almost every book on parenting will reference these Scriptures repeatedly because of the wisdom they contain. Besides the plethora of verses that apply to parenting indirectly, several passages address parenting specifically.

“My son, do not reject the discipline of the LORD or loathe His reproof, for whom the LORD loves He reproves, even as a father corrects his son in whom he delights.” (Proverbs 3:11-12)

Solomon knew the Lord’s discipline from experience. There was a keen awareness that God had purposed good for the one He reproves, and that His discipline is an act of love towards His children. While this passage is more about the Lord than it is about parenting, there is an important principle involved for parenting: Discipline, understood and exercised according to Scripture, is an act of love. When parents correct their children, the intention is always to be instructive and the motive is always to be love.

This is one of the many passages that speak against punishing children out of anger or without restraint. A loving father has a plan in his discipline, and he practices correction because of his delight in his son and not his hatred. When we as parents meet opportunities to help our children when they disobey, our first thought in the discipline needs to be, “Am I seeking to help my child in the Lord? Am I instructing my child toward greater godliness to love and fear God, or am I through my angry outbursts actually deterring faith in my child?”

One reason parents ought to discipline their children toward godliness is because this is what the Lord does for His children. Parents, then, can mimic the Lord and even represent Him through their loving and formative discipline. As their child grows up, hopefully they will come to appreciate their parents’ correction because they understand that they were being steered towards Jesus and away from the things that would take their hearts farther from Him. This is also the reason discipline must be accompanied and applied with prayer to orient a parent’s heart toward God and help curb sinful attitudes and emotions. Depend upon the Lord to use godly discipline to steer your child’s heart to Him.