by Pastor John Kim

Dating is typically a farce of two people pretending to be someone that they really aren’t to get something that they want that they don’t have with the least amount of investment and the greatest amount of return in the shortest amount of time. Even for those who say that they are Christians, it tends to be the same deal. At the heart of this farce is the self-serving agenda that sees the other person as a means to my own ends and if it doesn’t work out, then out they go.

Relationships are not about you!! If you truly know the love of God, you will then understand that the love you have been given is a love TO be given. Too many people start and end with the expectation of “What do I get out of this?” and if the other person is found to be dissatisfying in any way or form, there is the quick out.

For the Christian that truly desires to glorify God, a dating relationship is an opportunity to display the love of God in the way that God intended, a display of His glory. Does the love of God characterize your life? Read 1 Corinthians 13. Read the whole chapter. Do you love the way God defines love to be? Notice that the point isn’t about you. Love is not about you. Love is about you serving someone else. YOU are called to be patient, YOU are called to be kind, and on the list goes. But subtly, or maybe not so subtly, we twist this whole idea and place the expectation on the other person to be patient with ME, on the other person to be kind to ME, and the object of all the actions is ME! It’s no wonder so many couples are ill-prepared for marriage, because after a lifelong pursuit of self, you can’t help but transfer that self-centeredness into a relationship and all you are revealing is how much you are in love with yourself.

I would like to challenge you, especially if you are already in a dating relationship, to really ask yourself if you are preparing to love like 1 Corinthians 13 calls you to. Or if you are honest, are you just looking for your own self-interests to be served? True love is a love that is pure between two people, that is grounded in the cross of Christ and hopeful in light of the resurrection of Christ. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. This is the kind of love that will not fail you, not during the dating stage, the engagement stage, and throughout the marriage stage. But if you fail to really grasp this kind of love, you are in for a miserable journey that you probably didn’t anticipate, but didn’t prepare for either.

Love is not about you!