by Pastor John Kim

An odd title for a message, but one that I have been thinking about quite a bit. The last time I did the DTR series, I talked about “Defining the relationship with church” and I introduced the importance of being in a healthy local church ministry where there would be strong leaders who could model godliness and provide a discipling dynamic reflecting Titus 2, where the older men and women would teach the younger men and women to grow in godly character and in their roles.

The sad fact is that because of the dearth of strong healthy local churches, there are many young men and women who are robbed of the opportunity to grow and learn. Many who are older think it is not worth their time to invest in the younger generation and it particularly shows in the lack of seriousness when it comes to how people view the children’s and youth ministries. They are considered nothing more than glorified babysitting centers for many and the window of opportunity to lay a strong biblical foundation is too often lost.

What is sad to me that there are so many collegians who have not really seen what a healthy church can do. Many of their church experiences have simply discouraged them from even joining a church when they get to college and it is no surprise to see many go church-shopping for the first few years. But there is one thing they do seem to be quick at seeking – a dating relationship. But the lack of accountability and discipleship leads quickly to many problems and it is no surprise when I see many dating couples in college end up having a lot of troubles.

While I am not suggesting that becoming a member of a local church guarantees you a successful dating experience, it definitely can make a difference. When you have older men and women fulfilling their role to lead and disciple the younger men and women, you have an environment of accountability and care that provides the kind of place where young men and women can grow and be prepared to face all the realities of life by growing in godliness through the edification and fellowship that takes place within the church. To have elders who shepherd the flock by providing the nurturing of the Word of God in the lives of its members and to protect the flock by not only teaching doctrine but by pointing out both false teachers and the wolves who come to steal away people with the lies of this world – this is so vital if there is to be a healthy environment for people to not only grow but to develop relationships with one another in a God-honoring way.

I would challenge anyone to show me how being a member in a strong and healthy local church can be a detrimental thing for the dating scene. If anything, I believe it would provide the right kind of focus and context for dating couples to know that they are going to be cared for, prayed for, and held accountable by those who would share in the same common goal – the glory of God in all things.

For those of you who have experienced the benefits of being a member of a healthy local church ministry in your dating and/or marriage relationship, I would appreciate hearing some thoughts from you. Even if you are not dating or married, I would like to hear your thoughts on this topic. It would be interesting to see what you might think.

Thanks!!