by Pastor John Kim
As we have been addressing the issue of dating relationships yet again for the third time in LBC history, I would like to share a few thoughts that I hope will be both encouraging and challenging to those who would be single and wrestling with the various aspects of dating as well as those older married folks who could hopefully fulfill the mentoring and discipling roles that would provide the kind of support that those who are going through what is often a stressful, even torturous period of life that is filled with uncertainties and hardships that are forgotten once married.
There are three significant foundational points that I have addressed in the first two meetings that have taken place. I have shared other things as well but these are three that I would like to highlight.
1. The Glory of God in Dating
Romans 11:36
For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen.
The glory of God must be the chief end in the life of the believer and so it stands that the chief end of dating should be the glory of God as well. The fundamental problem that I think plagues many Christians in the issue of dating is that God’s glory is relegated to the sidelines and my own glory is put at the forefront. We are more concerned about ourselves, about having our desires fulfilled, our expectations met or exceeded, and the pursuit of my happiness is still considered an inalienable right that supersedes God’s glory. For the Christian that desires to fulfill 1 Corinthians 10:31, that in whatever we do, even in our eating and drinking, and yes, even in our dating, the glory of God must remain front and center in every aspect.
I think that the whole dynamic of dating exposes many Christian men and women in the superficiality of their commitment to seeing God glorified. While it is very understandable that a lot is at stake, potential marriage being the greatest possibility, it would seem to be clear that there should be nothing that escapes this mandate. But why is this most basic and fundamental tenet set aside?
Romans 11:36 helps provide some additional thoughts that I hope will be helpful for all to consider. When we recognize that all things are from God, that all things are only possible through God, and that all things are to ultimately point to God, it leaves nothing to ourselves in terms of receiving glory. We are to acknowledge that God is the source of all things, that God provides the enablement and empowerment for all things, and that He is the ultimate goal in all that we do. Every part of the process from beginning to end in our lives is accounted for in this verse.
Our problem is that we struggle with handing over the reins for the whole deal. We want a say in every aspect, even to the point where we would make demands of God that are more self-serving rather than God-glorifying. We forget that it is by grace that we receive anything and so all that is from God is a gift, even the gift of singleness. We forget that it is by the divine enablement of the Holy Spirit through the counsel of the Scriptures that we are given the tools to live out our lives to His glory. We forget that the chief end truly is God’s glory and we set ourselves up instead to be the chief end in receiving the attention that we so desperately desire. So it is no surprise that we fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23) and are caught in the throes of sinful attitudes, sinful thoughts, sinful motivations, and ultimately sinful behavior that really mimics the world through its conformity rather than showing a life transformed by the cross.
That leads the to second foundational point:
2. Gospel-Centered Dating
The cross of Christ should be at the heart and soul of how we live the Christian life. The cross not only justifies us but the cross also should sanctify us in that we live in light of the finished work of Christ and the righteousness that was secured and imputed to us. To live in light of Christ and Him crucified is not something that happens passively. It is a deliberate choice that then sets the reference point for how we are to engage in every arena of life, including dating.
Do your dating relationships celebrate the cross of Christ? It would be tough to say so if you are indulging in sexual immorality. Does knowing Christ and the fact that His grace has saved you from your condemned state before God make a difference then how you are to uphold separation from an unbelieving partner? Does the forgiveness that comes through the redemption found in our Savior provide the basis for how you handle conflicts regarding relationships? It is strange that for so many Christian, the cross of Christ seems to become nothing more than jewelry instead of the defining point for how we live from day to day.
I would like to challenge each individual, whether you are dating or not, whether the cross is truly central to your life on a daily basis. Or have you setup another idol that would affect your outlook toward life, namely even the concept of dating, or the absence of it? If you live in light of Christ’s death and resurrection and consider it of first importance as 1 Corinthians 15 describes, that it will provide a whole different outlook toward life and I believe it will definitely affect your outlook toward dating.
3. The Richly Indwelling Word of God
Colossians 3:16-17
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
God’s Word needs to be more than just a visiting neighbor in our daily lives. The Scriptures need to take residence and permeate our entire being so that we would be equipped to do all things, every word and deed in the name of our Savior. Then we truly can give thanks because we will then be doing exactly what Romans 12:1-2 calls us to do, to present our bodies as living sacrifices, holy and acceptable to God. We show that we are not conformed to worldly philosophies and human wisdom but instead having been transformed by the renewing ministry of the Word of God, we will be able to discern what the will of God is, that which is good, acceptable, and perfect. This is crucial for all aspects of life but all the more crucial for dealing with the issue of dating.
Too many people claim that the Bible has nothing to directly say about dating but that is to reveal utter foolishness and ignorance. The Bible has everything to say about dating because it deals with the heart issues to our conduct that takes place in the dating realm. That’s why to hear, read, study, memorize, and meditate on God’s Word is a non-negotiable practice if we are to not only glorify God in our lives, but even in how we are going to teach and admonish one another in the issue of dating.
There are so many instances when I have heard of the kind of counsel that people give in regards to dating and it really is nothing more than earthly wisdom. There is nothing about the glory of God being at stake. It reflects nothing of the gospel of Christ and in the end it reveals a lack of Biblical foundation and substance. This is tragic, that the people of God would forsake the Word of God in the time that it is needed most. The wild and crazy ride of the dating rollercoaster can only be tamed by the sure and sufficient Word of God that will provide the solid foundation as well as even the practical wisdom that is needed. So immerse yourself in the Word. Failure to do so will lead to failures that you will regret. But to meditate on the law of the Lord will lead you to be like that tree fimrly planted by streams of water (Psalm 1). You’ll never regret living according to God’s Word.
Well just a few thoughts for now. More to come on April 11 and 18 at 6pm at the church. We’ll be looking forward to looking at what men and women should be to become marriageable and we will also take a long hard look at the issue of purity. So come out, invite your friends, even your unbelieving friends, and let’s tackle this issue and trust that God will accomplish great things in your lives!