by Pastor Patrick Cho

A couple weeks ago, the Grace Life ministry began a study through Ken Sande’s book, Peacemaking for Families. So far, the lessons have been greatly helpful in providing instruction and pointing to biblical principles of conflict resolution. Sadly, since we are sinners, our sin oftentimes manifests itself in our marriages and parenting. We hurt those we claim to love the most and we act selfishly, seeking only to get what we want.

The opening chapters of Sande’s book have been very helpful getting us to honestly confess that our conflicts stem from the sinful desires of our own hearts. We can’t solely blame others (“They make me so mad!”), and we can’t blame our circumstances (“All this noise is driving me crazy!”). As the Bible clearly indicates, in conflict we must first look inward to find the problem (James 4:1-2).

In any relationship, conflict is going to be reality. The teaching of Christ in Matthew 5:23-24 is particularly insightful. Jesus says that if someone has something against you, you are to go and resolve the conflict before offering the sacrifice at the altar. Even if you are doing everything you can to be at peace with others, you still can’t control how others are going to act towards you. The passage doesn’t say, “If you have a problem with someone…” It says, “If someone has a problem with you…”

This study through biblical conciliation in the context of the home is sure to be greatly practical and helpful. Hopefully, our families are already finding ways to implement the principles in their relationships. We all need to work hard at identifying our sinful desires and unbiblical demands in order to better love and serve one another. This isn’t to say that conflicts will be avoidable altogether. We may stumble along the way, but at least we can have the biblical principles in mind when we do in order to make peace quickly and completely.