by Ivan Cheng
Learning to be a parent is a constant growing process with God and with Nancy. Each day is an opportunity to practice the Four G’s of the peacemaker principle. When our children were infants, parenting was relatively easy with feeding, changing diapers, and putting them to sleep. As they grew older, the issues of behavior, discipline, and how to train our children in righteousness as the Bible commands became more central to parenting. I never imagined that parenting would require so much intentional planning and foresight.
The first G of “glorifying God” sounds simple, yet it takes conscious effort to put into practice. It is easy to just want to parent by reflex, but it ultimately leads to worldly standards. Putting God first means evaluating my attitudes, words, and actions in light of what pleases Him and modeling biblical values to our children.
The second G of “getting the log out of your own eye” has been the most humbling as a parent. Every day I’m confronted by how my own sins may be the cause of the problem in a conflict with our children. My quick temper, my selfish agenda, my unrealistic expectations are really the underlying issues at hand. Praise God for His mercy that each day is a brand new day for God to start afresh to mold me to His likeness!
The third G of “gently restore” is one that I constantly need to monitor. It is easy to crush the spirit of my children with my harsh words and anger even though they have erred and need discipline. I’m learning that the process is to rebuild the relationship and not just about correcting behavior. They need so much more encouragement and affirmation from me.
The forth G to “go and be reconciled” is so easily left out. I can dish out rebuke and discipline, but reconciliation seems such an afterthought. Sometimes I think that I have it all wrong. I spent the majority of the time focusing on correction and only minimal time on rebuilding. Instead, it should be the other way around, focusing on God’s redeeming grace and reaffirming my unconditional love for my children. The main effort should be on moving past the error and restoring the broken relationship through forgiveness and reconciliation.
God has been gracious to allow me to grow as a parent. I’m grateful that God has put Nancy by my side to work together as parents. Each day we are able to come together to evaluate our goals and mistakes as parents, pray, and depend on the Holy Spirit for His wisdom and to transform us to be Christ-like. We are constantly reminded that our goal is not to raise successful children, but ones who have a loving relationship with Christ and experience His grace. Ultimately, we need to trust that God’s plan for our children is far better than anything we can conceive for them.