by Roger Alcaraz

Six years ago, when God called me out of darkness, I had a very limited understanding of what being a Christian meant. By that time, I had heard some messages from the book of Romans, was getting discipled through the book of John, and had Christians around me as examples, so I knew that if I gave myself to following Christ, God would radically change my life. After counting the costs and confessing my sins, God gave me his Spirit and my life has never been the same.

What I neglected to consider were the hardships that would come with following Christ. It was later that I understood my calling. First Peter 2:21 says, “For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps.” I, like most people, would rather avoid suffering and I will probably never suffer to the extent of the Christians to whom Peter wrote. But I have had times of difficult trials and I see God’s care in never giving me a trial that I cannot bear. The point of this article is not to show how I have overcome trials. Hopefully, it will be clear that God was the one protecting and providing for me throughout.

This particular story begins in Fall of 2009, when I decided to go to seminary. After I graduated from UCSD, I had about eight months to look for a job. I needed something to keep me in San Diego. One of the main criteria for a job that I had was that they had to be okay with me going to seminary. I did not want to hide the fact that I would eventually be commuting to LA twice a week for school. I can only imagine getting hired and then telling my employee, “Oh, I forgot to tell you, I’m going back to school soon.” What kind of testimony is that? I wanted to trust that God would provide a job where I would not have to compromise and after interviewing at a dozen places, I landed a job at the last place I wanted to work – McDonald’s. But it was a good job and they fed me well.

By July, LBCSJ was planted and I became the new youth leader, going from preaching twice per year to twice per week, not to mention all the other responsibilities that I never realized were involved. When August came, I started seminary ready to learn and ready to take my relationship with Grace to the next level. By the third week of school, I bowed my knee before her and we promised our hands in marriage. Grace’s parents were opposed to us getting married so we had to go to LA a lot to see them to win their hearts.

So that is where I was. Within a few months, I was working, leading the youth, going to seminary in LA, newly engaged, and in conflict with my future family. But God provided for all my needs and sanctified me throughout. In God’s providence, though my discipler JR Cuevas had gone to San Jose for the church plant, he was forced to fly back to seminary each week to finish his last semester. He had previously dropped a semester because of his own engagement trials. When JR was going through the trials that caused him to drop his classes for a semester, I doubt he knew God would eventually use his extra time in seminary to minister to me. I was just off the starting blocks and I already wanted to quit, or at least slow down. But JR brought me strength each week to keep running. If it were not for JR’s example and encouragement to me, I doubt I would still be in seminary.

I had made it through the first semester, but JR had graduated so I wouldn’t see him the following semester. I didn’t know how God would provide but I knew he would, and he did. I enrolled in a prayer class and coincidently, this was the time I needed to pray the most. My legs were getting tired of standing and my head was sore from taking orders all day at McDonald’s. My sleeping schedule was off with working until 1:00am on some days and waking up at 4:00am on others. Things with Grace’s family were worse than ever, causing the first of three wedding postponements. Each week I would weep as I prepared for Friday’s youth message, but I would have to repent from my anger and sadness. My body, mind, and heart were ready to break and it was during this time that my prayer professor taught on the joys of suffering for Christ. He taught on Philippians 1:29 which says, “For it has been granted to you that for the sake of Christ you should not only believe in him but also suffer for his sake.” The word translated “granted” is chrizomai in the Greek. It is similar to the word for spiritual gift and can be translated, “grace-gifted.” Suffering never seems like a gift of grace, but God promises that it will work for the believer’s good and so we should rejoice and be unashamed of it.

During my frail state, I would remind myself of God’s compassion and how easy my life was compared to others. It was also during this time that I was studying church history and read about the faithful Christians of the past who literally considered their lives of no value and dying as gain. There was a song called “Heavy Laden” that would encourage me throughout this time by a group name Hazakim. The song was about a man who understood the cost of being a disciple of Christ but thought his cross was too heavy to bear. So he asked Jesus for a lighter one and Jesus presented him before a field of crosses. He realized that the crosses were ones bore by previous believers who had since exchanged their cross for a crown. The size of the cross corresponded to the difficulty of life and he thought, “Surely the burdens they carried in their journey weren’t half as bad as mine.” As he continued, he found a cross that was smaller than the rest and he quickly made his decision, “Jesus I wish to carry this one.” Then with a look of sadness Jesus said, “My child I am fully aware of all you’ve been through. Nonetheless you may take it with you.” And as the man got closer, he realized that it was one he came in with.

That is how I felt as I cried out to God. I knew my trials were small compared to others’, yet God was with me the whole way and never gave me more than I could bear. My prayers to God were childlike, honest and simple, asking for more faith and for help. Concerning my job, I prayed for a new job. Knowing I didn’t deserve one, I asked God for a job that would give me one of the following: either allow me to sit, or allow me to study, or pay more, or offer a consistent schedule, or give me daytime hours. Since then, God has granted five out of the five requests I had for a job.

Concerning school, I prayed for a way to drive less or a way to drive later in the day. Since then, my classes have allowed me to drive up once a week instead of twice a week and to leave at 6:30am instead of 4:30am.

Concerning my engagement, I prayed that Grace’s parents and I could be reconciled, that they would support our marriage, and that we could set a wedding date. Since then, God miraculously worked in the hearts of her family to not only be supportive but excited for our upcoming wedding on September 15 of this year!

And so God personally lifted all of the burdens I put before him, though I know it was only because of his grace. As I conclude this article I have to mention the most instrumental part of God sustaining me through all this – the youth staff. It may have seemed strange to some that there were four men on staff with only two male students. Total, we had a staff of seven watching over eight students. But the ratios were not just beneficial for the youth; they were most beneficial for me. Multiple times per week, I would see how other saints are persevering through their own trials while seeking God. I never felt alone through my trials, and I heavily leaned on my staff for encouragement and examples. Four hour staff meetings and staff accountabilities lasting until 1:00am were some of the most tiring yet best moments of the year. I cannot tell where I would be without them.

This is part one of two concerning the theme of Lumos for 2012, “Unashamed of Christ.” What does all this have to do with being unashamed of the gospel? Stay tuned for next month’s article.