by Hansol An
Recent events and conversations I’ve had have made me think that it might be a good time to discuss dating again. I gave a message on dating last year so some of what follows may be familiar to some but I thought it was time for a refresher.
The way the world defines love and the way the Bible defines love are diametrically opposed to one another. The world would have you believe that love is the fulfillment of your desires for intimacy, both emotional and physical. On the emotional side are feelings of euphoria, happiness, satisfaction, ecstasy, and excitement. When someone in a movie or on TV says “I love you,” aren’t they really saying “I love the way you make me feel right now?” But these feeling are often temporary or at the very least, understood to be conditional and subject to change. That’s why people say they can fall in and out of love. On the physical side we know that the world is often referring to sexual pleasure or passion. The term “making love” is very revealing of the way the world views love, basically reducing it to mean the same thing as having sex. The word “LOVE” is used too loosely in today’s culture. That’s why people date. They want this kind of love, all or in part, but only until it doesn’t suit their desires any more. Then they look for love in the next person. This pursuit of love is what we commonly refer to as dating.
The way that the Bible defines love, or God’ definition of love is clearly different. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a says,
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.”
Does that sound like the world’s definition? Does it say anything about your feelings? Does it say anything about your sexual fulfillment? The difference is that the world’s definition of love is all about satisfying selfish desires. God’s definition is sacrificial and puts your feelings aside for the sake of others and God’s glory. Jesus was the ultimate example for us to follow.
The world tells us that love is fleeting. You can fall in love and out of love very quickly. So if you’re in a dating relationship and you’re no longer in love with them, then dump them and move on. Who cares how many times you’ve said “I love you?” Who cares how many times you’ve kissed that person? Who cares? God cares because his Word says that love never ends. What does that tell us about the couple who proclaims to love each other, then breaks up? Was that really love? They probably genuinely felt something but only so long as it was convenient to them. Did their love bear all things, believe all things, hope all things, endure all things? Did their love never end?
We need to change the way we view dating and its goal of finding “love.” This can be challenging because dating is non-biblical, meaning it’s not explicitly mentioned in the Bible. So what should we do? As a believer how do we determine the goal of dating? Is it marriage? Yes, it is the vehicle in which most Christians pursue marriage, but we have to remember that whether it’s dating or marriage or anything else, God’s glory is always our primary purpose! We as Christians should not date for our own emotional or physical fulfillment, but to pursue the goal of God’s glory and His intention for a man and a woman: marriage.
If marriage truly is the goal of dating one should be ready for, or reasonably close to being ready for, marriage. As mentioned before, dating is not specifically addressed in the Bible, so no one can tell another how ready they have to be to date. No one can tell another how long the dating period should be. But marriage is addressed in the Bible and if marriage is the goal and not dating itself, it stand to reason that dating should be minimized. It shouldn’t be prolonged longer than necessary to confirm that marriage should be pursued between a particular couple. The longer a couple dates the natural inclination will be to begin to act like a married couple in emotional attachment, in physical expressions and in other ways. The danger is that the couple will give too much of themselves to each other, when they might not end up getting married. Until a commitment in made, there are no guarantees.
So the question you need to answer is: Are you ready, and mature enough as a believer, to fulfill your role as a husband or wife? Are you ready to forsake all others? Ladies, are you ready to submit your life to a man? Guys, are you ready to love a woman as Christ loved the church? These questions should be examined and carefully considered along with other biblical responsibilities of marriage before dating is even considered. Dating is a choice and ultimately, so is love. There must be a conscious consideration of what is required before entering into a relationship with the goal of marriage in mind. We are called to be set apart from the world and dating is one area where we can practice our distinctiveness in Christ.