by Josh Liu

Mentioned in an earlier post, the Lumos Youth Ministry staff has been working through Paul David Tripp’s Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide to Parenting Teens. It has been a beneficial resource in helping us examine our goals and philosophy of youth ministry. In Chapter 2, “Whose Idols Are in the Way?,” Tripp begins with the following thought:

If we are ever to be effective for Christ in the lives of our teenagers, it is important to be honest about our own idols–the places where we have tended to exchange worship and service of the Creator for worship and service of created things (Tripp, 29).

Tripp reminds readers that something is always ruling our hearts. While many sincere believers might immediately affirm Christ as Lord over their hearts, their thoughts, desires, actions, words, investments, and priorities often reveal who is truly God in their lives. Parents must be careful in allowing their own expectations of or goals for their children from becoming idols, from blinding themselves to God-given opportunities to point their children to their Creator.

Tripp highlights five common idols that parents might be blinded to:

1. The Idol of Comfort. This is the demand of or feeling entitled to your peace and comfort. The parent expects to come home to quiet, well-behaved children after a long day of work. When this is an entrenched idol of the parent’s heart, Tripp observes that parents will begin to see their children as the enemy and that “they will begin to fight with him rather than for him” (Tripp, 32). Comfort is not in and of itself evil or wrong to be desired, but when it becomes a demand, the sole focus in the home, then it usurps God’s rightful rule over the heart.
2. The Idol of Respect. This heart demands that his child fear him and give him the respect that he thought he deserved (Tripp, 32). This often manifests itself in anger, “attack” responses, criticism, exasperation with the child, and belittlement, with the ultimate goal of perfect obedience to the parent. Again, respect is not bad, but it cannot be produced by the will of the parent. Parents ought to teach and instill respect of parents in their children, yet trust in God to produce such godly responses according to His will.
3. The Idol of Appreciation. Parents certainly work hard. They are their children’s chauffeurs, cooks, laundromats, doctors, banks, cleaners, secretaries, and so on. Parents go to great lengths and sacrifice to care for their children. “Children should appreciate their parents. Yet being appreciated cannot be [their] goal” (Tripp, 33). Many parents reveal by their actions that they expect or demand their children to acknowledge, thank, and appreciate them for everything they do. This idol blinds the parent to his God-ordained role as a parent to shepherd his children unto the Lord.
4. The Idol of Success. This heart views children as the parents’ trophies rather than God’s creatures (Tripp, 35). This idol moves parents to train up their children to bring them glory rather than God. These parents’ sense of identity is so wrapped up in the achievements, obedience, and “success” of their children that they lay aside God’s ultimate authority and sovereignty.
5. The Idol of Control. This heart seeks to control and direct every choice, preference, priority, and outcome of the child. While young children are heavily dependent on their parents, that authority subsides as they grow older. Parents who are unwilling to relinquish control often seek to exercise total sovereignty in the life of their children. Yet only God exercises this kind of control.

I believe Tripp puts it best:

“[Every] parent needs to ask, ‘Why am I doing what I am doing? Who am I serving? What are the things that I have come to expect and demand? Whose desires rule the moments of opportunity with my teenager–God’s or mine?’” (Tripp, 34).

In our goal to partner with parents in the discipleship of their children, the staff needs to biblically examine our own hearts. Whether we grew up going to a youth group or not, we all come with a set of expectations when it comes to youth ministry. There are ministry fads that “guarantee” a vibrant, fruitful youth ministry; there are parents who demand certain results from staffers and youth pastors; there are personal experiences that tempt us to think a certain event or model will produce desired results. Here’s a personal non-exhaustive (and largely incomplete) list of idols of youth ministry that the staff needs prayer over:

1. The Idol of Relevance. Being “hip” (or hipster? Not sure what’s cool now), up-to-date with pop culture, speaking with the same vernacular (e.g. abbreviations that replace sentences and permeate with self-centeredness, like “TFTI”), dressing with the current (youth) fashion, and so on, are often a temptation for youth ministries to compromise the centrality of God’s Word, the holiness of God-exalting worship, the dignity of faithful servants, and the unity of the local church.
2. The Idol of Relationality. What I mean is the idols of staff-youth relationships, attractiveness to outsiders, profuse social events, and story-filled “sermonettes.” These youth ministries do not support parent relationships, spend more time planning than discipling, and produce low-quality sermons. They often vie for a youth’s transparency and vulnerability that at times subverts parents’ influence.
3. The Idol of Serving. Without any intention of referring to any particular work of literature, many youth ministries want their youth to simply get involved and do things at church or in the community for the sake of “just doing it.” Often times, when a youth ministry idolizes service, a youth’s participation is the measurement of their faithfulness, maturity, or even salvation. These youth ministries often have student leaders and volunteers who are not qualified, shown proven character, or even saved.

These are just a few of the idols that beset youth ministry. To be clear, there are many aspects in the above that are not inherently sinful and have redeeming features, but when they become the drive for ministry, when the staff expect or prioritize the above over and against God’s priorities laid out in Scripture, then we err and are not serving in the most God-honoring manner. The staff must continually examine our underlying motives, and actively seek to glorify God by redeeming opportunities to disciple the youth through the faithful exposition of God’s Word. Please pray for us, the youth, the families, and the church that we might seek to live for Christ our King and that we might destroy the idols of our hearts.