by Pastor Patrick Cho

Sadly, I don’t think it comes as any surprise that one of the most serious and widespread issues I get asked to meet up with young guys for is sexual sin. This might be as a result of compromises made in a dating relationship and an inability to keep commitments to purity. It might be because of personal struggles with online pornography. We are given many examples in Scripture of men who have failed in this area of life, and most guys understand the commonality of the problem. Whatever the context, though, most of the young men I meet with don’t seem to grasp fully the severity of their sin or its devastating consequences. Perhaps part of the reason is the commonality of the problem. Some men seem to reason, “Every guy struggles with this,” and so believe it dilutes the seriousness of the issue.

The Scriptures clearly denote the severity of sexual sin and walk through its consequences (cf. Prov. 5:1-23; 1 Thess. 4:1-8; et al.). An inability to pursue purity by the grace and power of God may lead to natural physical consequences, like sexually transmitted diseases or disappointment with one’s own wife (present or future), or it may have devastating spiritual consequences even perhaps evincing an unregenerate soul.

When I counsel young men on this issue, there are several harmful ideas that seem to recur in our conversations. These are lies that men tend to believe in regard to their struggles with lust. Here are perhaps the most common and what Scripture says in response:

1. “I struggle most when I am alone.” This is perhaps the most common statement I hear from men about their sexual sin, and it is particular with men who fall into the temptation of online pornography. When they are tempted, some have even told themselves, “It’s ok because no one will find out.” Scripture reminds us of the truth that YOU ARE NEVER ALONE. God is ever present and always watching (Prov. 5:21; Heb. 4:12-13; 2 Pet. 3:10; Ps. 139:5-10).
2. “I can get away with it. I’ll be able to hide it.” This reasoning is similar to the first, but it deals more specifically with the consequences of the sin. Of course, there are ways to try and cover up your tracks so as to avoid being caught by others. People try desperately to keep sin in the dark. The Bible tells us that our sin has a way of finding us out (Num. 32:23; cf. Ps. 139:11-12).
3. “It’s not that big a deal.” As I mentioned before, since there are so many men that struggle with lust, it can be easy to treat the sin as if it wasn’t a serious problem. From my experience, I tend to watch out for men who make a habit of joking around about sexual sin. These tend to be the ones who struggle with it. Satan will always try and get you to lighten your attitude towards disobedience to God. You may even try and get others to sin as well to ease your conscience, or you may not confront sin in others because of your guilt. God’s Word says that sexual sin is extremely serious as a clear violation of God’s Law even as adultery in the heart (Matt. 5:27-30; cf. Rev. 21:8)
4. “No one else will understand. I can’t tell anyone else.” Many of the men I have counseled have felt alone in their struggle and so have been reluctant to confess their sin to others. Confession obviously involves a sense of shame and perhaps even difficult consequences, but it is still worth it in the end. There are many who have tried to fight off lust on their own only to fail. If you don’t find help from someone, chances are you will most likely continue to practice your sin. Some people reply, “All I need is God to help me win this battle.” Of course this is true in an ultimate sense, but God has given us the church and has chosen to use others to help us fight off temptation (1 Cor. 10:13; Eccl. 4:9-10; James 5:16).
5. “This will be the last time.” Many men fall into the lie that this last time will satisfy. The truth is that this is how we seek to justify ourselves. We aren’t concerned about how we might struggle for the next month or year. We focus on “just one more time.” Our sin will bring a certain measure of satisfaction. If it didn’t bring any satisfaction or pleasure, it wouldn’t be very tempting. You need to remind yourself that it might satisfy at first, but the satisfaction will not last. If you suck on emptiness, it only leaves you hungrier. Instead of listening to your own heart and reasoning, you need to remember the truth of God’s Word. Our hearts are deceiving at times and can lead us astray (Jer. 17:9), so Scripture reminds us that the only thing that could possibly fully satisfy is God Himself (Heb. 12:1; Jer. 2:13)
6. “It’s not my fault.” The trend in society is to call sin anything but sin (i.e., habits, sickness, disease, genetics, traumatic childhood experiences, victimization). The Bible exhorts us to confess our sin and to be honest about it. The biblical word for “confess” literally means to say the same thing or agree. We need to agree with God’s assessment of our hearts because He knows us better than we know ourselves. Our outward sin emanates from lustful hearts, but if we confess our sin, God is faithful to forgive (Matt. 15:16-20; 1 John 1:8-10). There may be other circumstantial factors involved in why you struggle, but God will not allow these to be excuses for your sin.
7. “It is too much to deal with. I cannot beat it.” Sadly, many men grow increasingly frustrated because they seemingly can’t win. But when it all boils down, oftentimes even their defeatist mentality is rooted in their desire to continue in sin. They think, “Well, if I can’t beat it, I might as well give in.” Some might even be tempted to go so far as even to blame God. The Bible reminds us of God’s faithfulness to help us in our temptations and trials and encourages us to keep running the race of faith with faithfulness (1 Cor. 10:13; Heb. 12:1-2). We are called not to give up, but to continue to put off sin and put on Christ because Jesus saved us and freed us from our enslavement to sin (Rom. 13:13-14; 1 Cor. 6:9-11).

Do you ever hear yourself buying into these common lies regarding sexual sin? It is vitally important that you go back to God’s Word and consider carefully what it has to say not only about your sin and its consequences, but also about the hope you have in Christ. Sexual sin can be very entangling and many men have felt completely trapped or enslaved in their sin. But in Christ we can truly have freedom and forgiveness. In light of our struggles, this is the hope we must cling to constantly.