by Roger Alcaraz
If you don’t know already, my wife and I love each other. Get to know us a little bit and you’ll find that this is more difficult than it sounds. In fact, there were many opportunities while dating for us to throw in the towel, but we persevered. A large part of this is because we choose to forgive one another as Christ forgave us (cf. Eph 4:32). I’ve learned that the words, “I forgive you” can sometimes be more difficult to say than “I love you” because we hear it so less often. Watch any romance film and you’ll know what I mean. In fact, for many people, saying “I forgive you” or asking “Do you forgive me?” can be downright awkward. But if there’s ever an area in which Christians need to exemplify, it’s forgiveness.
Imagine you and another Christian friend have just gotten into an argument on your way home. It begins as talking about a simple disagreement but progresses to shouting until you both are tired of even talking to each other. Both of you are to blame for the uncomfortable silence that fills the air. Upon arriving home, you just make your way out of the car, not speak to each other for the night, and eventually shrug off the offense because time acts as the great Vicodin to numb the pain. Yet even with the pain gone, the deep seated cause for the pain can linger. Not only that, but the trust that binds you two has been severed and risks being broken altogether. But imagine, instead of leaving the car, you both endure the awkward silence until you have the courage to speak, “What I did was wrong.” Not just that, but what if you explain everything that was going on in your own heart that fueled the conflict until you finally utter the difficult words, “Do you forgive me?”
The person might be taken aback and wonder, “Do I forgive you? Why should I?” But if he is in Christ, then it should cause the person to think about forgiveness and see how important it is in a relationship. Certainly, the relationship was severed by sin and it isn’t enough to pretend it never happened. True forgiveness acknowledges the wrong that is done but promises not to treat the person according to what they deserve. It’s difficult to forgive, but you get to think about God’s forgiveness and all that he did to reconcile you to himself through his son Jesus Christ.
It was Jesus who, though he was God, came in a uniform of flesh so that he could reconcile sinners to himself. He did this by living a perfect life that no one has ever lived. Yet he was despised and nailed to a cross so that he would bear the wrath of God being stored up by sinners. Not only that, but after Jesus died, he resurrected and so when believers die, they will also be resurrected to be with the one who loved them and forgave them by giving up his own life. In this way God truly forgives by recognizing the wrong done to him, not ignoring it as if nothing happened. Yet he provides a way out of the due judgment through Christ and will never condemn those who trust in Christ to forgive and who turn away from their life of selfish sinning.
As you both meditate on these truths, your conclusion should be the same, “If God can forgive me, a sinner, then I can forgive this person.” Not only that, but this should also cause you to think about your own sin and that no matter how badly a person speaks of you or mistreats you, they can never paint you as bad as you really are or treat you worse than you deserve. And when you’re able to find forgiveness because Christ has forgiven you, then praise God for how the gospel has shaped both of your lives to be able to forgive and experience the blessings of true reconciliation.