by Jonathan Eng
What do the Los Angeles Lakers of 2014-2015 and the body of believers at LBCSD have in common? Both are going to experience conflict at some point, big and small. (I had to, being the Clipper fan that I am).
In Single Life, we have been going over The Peacemaker by Ken Sande. Thus far, we have completed the first section of the book which details the first of the four G’s, which is to glorify God. The foundation to which we have in glorifying God is found in 1 Corinthians 10:31 which says, “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” Having this mindset is crucial especially when in conflict because God’s reputation is at stake as well as our own witness. Having such a mindset is crucial when entering a conflict. Upon accomplishing this and remembering to glorify God amidst conflict, we are able to proceed with biblical conflict resolution and reconciliation, which leads into the second G: getting the log out of our own eyes.
One week, Single Life got to hear one of our esteemed elders, Johnny Kim, preach on the fourth chapter of The Peacemaker, entitled “Is This Really Worth Fighting Over?” The main point of this chapter focuses on overlooking minor offenses and picking out battles, especially when trying to get the log out of our own eyes. Matthew 7:3-5 says:
“Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye, when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.’”
Whenever we get in conflicts, our natural, sinful tendency is to focus on the wrongs committed against us. It is a “me versus them” mentality. Our pride is hurt because we have been wronged. By having this mentality, we remove God from his rightful place in our lives and elevate ourselves. We fool ourselves into thinking that we have committed no wrong when we, in our anger, sin and contribute to the conflict. Because of that, we need to get the log out of our own eyes in order to progress in biblically resolving our conflicts. In getting the log out of own eye, we as believers need to focus first on how we contribute to the conflicts we are engaged in. When we are able to do that, peacemaking truly begins.
We have to ask ourselves if something is worth fighting over and if it is an unnecessary conflict that can be avoided. No matter how small it is, it can always get bigger and worse. Proverbs 17:9 says, “Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends.” When we do not overlook an offense, a minor issue could easily snowball into a big problem and negatively affects not only the relationship between the parties involved, but the body as well. The apostle Paul in Colossians 3:12-13 calls for believes to wear the clothing of “kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another…” As such, we are to forgive others when we are in conflict because we ourselves are always in spiritual conflict with God when we sin. God, in his perfect grace and mercy, has overlooked our sin because he sent Christ to die on our behalf and take the punishment for our sins. When we can overlook an offense and check our ego at the door, we in turn imitate God’s mercy and hold up the reputation of the church to non-believers.
Having recapped the message from Wednesday, the hardest part for myself is checking my ego at the door whenever I am involved in conflicts. I personally tend to hold grudges and dwell on things. Resolving conflicts is usually not a problem when it is amongst believers. Where the rubber meets the road for me in this is in the work place when I am a sheep amongst wolves. I struggle with how to resolve conflicts in the work environment, which is especially hard when my coworkers and I do not share the same beliefs. As a Christian, I cannot hold non-believers to the same standard I would have for a fellow brother or sister at church. Because of that, I am still trying to navigate my way through conflict and would much rather avoid it altogether and sweep it under the rug. As I write this, I left my old job with relationships with coworkers whom I personally did not care to deal with because of my reaction to how I was treated as well as how other coworkers were treated by them. As I enter into my new job, I take with me a refreshed approach and attitude toward resolving conflicts in the work place and to know that I need to first and foremost project Christ and recognize his reputation is at stake when I do not resolve conflict in a biblical manner. If I am the source of committing a wrong against a coworker, I need to seek forgiveness from them and check my ego at the door. Even if I get persecuted for trying to pursue reconciliation, as long as I know that I am glorifying God, nothing else will matter. Ultimately, I need to take care of my own part and trust God with everything else in order to be a good witness at work and to love my unbelieving coworkers.