by Ryan and Stephanie McAdams

Working through the same book we used for our premarital counseling, Preparing for Marriage God’s Way, we recently discussed the fifth chapter, “Your Most Important Relationship,” which inquires about the subject’s relationship with God and his Word. For all of the consideration we gave about the quantity and regularity of our prayer times and Bible reading in answering the book’s questions, when it came time to discuss the chapter, Patrick asked us a simple question: Does it matter?

• Does having a relationship with God matter in my marriage?
• Does the illumination of God’s word that the Holy Spirit grants me affect my life?
• Does Jesus’s work on the cross change how I make decisions, even in how I would eat and drink?

Of course, we all knew that we should have an answer of “Yes” to these questions, but each of us also understood how easily we can pay lip service to the challenges without effecting any actual response in our lives. So, in addition to answering the question “Does it matter?” we also tackled the question of “How?”

• How does knowing God matter in spending my money?
• In educating my children?
• In discipline?
• In conflict and resolution?

Ultimately, Biblical principles should shape each aspect of my life, and influence every decision I make, to the point that I should not simply succumb to the currents of the culture (what we call default thinking) in any situation. Even if my final decision on a matter matches everybody else’s, God’s word must saturate the route I take to arrive at that conclusion. Answering these questions at that practical level both served to help me consider future decisions and expose the shortcomings and inconsistencies in my family’s daily life.

As an example, take a decision about a place to live. All sorts of people will have all sorts of opinions about how to decide each individual question that arises from this decision (e.g. rent or buy, how large, where), but God’s word can direct every answer. Verses like Hebrews 10:24-25 instruct me to prioritize participation in the church body, so the location of the home must facilitate that. Verses like Philippians 2:4 encourage me to use the home to serve others, which will affect the size, location, cost, and a whole host of other considerations for the search for the place to live. In fact, although 2 Timothy mentions that God has authored each verse in the Bible, and that each verse has immense instructional value, I find that Philippians 2:3-4 can and should bear in any decision-making I undertake.

Suffice it to say, if I always acted from Biblical principle, I would be a kinder husband, a wiser father, a harder worker. But this exercise of identifying a concrete issue and working through the implications of knowing God upon the issue helps me take deliberate measures to act as a Christian in a fallen world. It helps me answer questions like “Should I vaccinate my child?” and “Should I wear leggings?” (for me, the answer is absolutely not!) and even questions with as much nuance as “How do I school my child?” or “How often should my wife and I set aside time for ourselves?”

God has called for his followers to be the salt of the earth and the light of the world and his Word instructs us how to live as such. Motivations drive the actions of a person, and the Bible touches the motivations for every decision a person can make. Biblical motivations fly in the face of the natural selfish bent of every man, and so naturally, the behavior of Christians should stand in stark opposition to the world around them. Does following Jesus matter in marriage? In life? Yes. It changes everything.