by Roger Alcaraz
One hundred fifty. What is the significance of that number? It’s known as Dunbar’s number and it is theorized to be the cognitive limit to the number of people with whom one can maintain stable social relationships. How someone came up with that precise number is beyond what I care about. But what I will take note of is the fact that people generally understand that the more people there are in your life, the harder maintaining relationships will be.
Coincidentally, there are close to 150 people in College Life including the staff members. Could you name them all? First and last name? Their hometowns? Their personalities? Their interests? How about their…what’s that? You said “No” by the first question? Well then, it emphasizes a point–it will be impossible to have a meaningful relationship with everyone even in College Life, let alone the rest of the church, let alone the rest of the people in your life! So…good luck.
Ok fine, I won’t end like that. Perhaps it goes against what you might think, but the goal really shouldn’t be to know everything about everyone. But what I do want to see is every person being cared for. If we make it our goal to personally know everyone, we’ll only be able to develop shallow relationships. We are limited by our time and even our ability to remember so much. That being said, this is no license to slack in your calling as a Christian to love every person as yourself. This means that if an opportunity to serve someone you don’t know well arises, you must take it, regardless of your familiarity.
People sometimes ask me how I feel about cliques, which can easily become something harmful to the church. However, I understand the need for a closer circle of friends. Even Jesus had the twelve in whom he invested more than the rest. Yet his close relationships never stopped him from serving those outside of the twelve and even serving the multitudes. The problem with cliques isn’t that people have a close circle of friends; it’s that they become exclusive such that if you’re not part of my circle, then you are not part of my concern.
But my encouragement is twofold:
- that while the church is increasing in size, you would pursue deep and meaningful relationships with others, and
- that you would genuinely seek the care of all those around you.
How can you do both when they seem mutually exclusive? I’ll give an example. Let’s say you see someone new on Sunday. You know the look. They’re standing next to a wall by themselves or perhaps with another newcomer while looking at nothing in particular. You notice them but figure someone else will take care of them. But while you mingle with your friends, you fail to notice them leaving without ever receiving an invitation to lunch. Far better would be to include them in your conversation and even invite them to lunch or whatever you had planned. Sometimes when I meet someone after service but I know that I’ll have to leave soon, I’ll introduce them to some people who could continue the work of caring for him.
I can tell you a lot of other practical ways to love the people that stroll through our doors, but honestly, if you have a heart to see people plugged into the life of the church, that will take you the furthest. Maybe this is a simple idea, to love your neighbor, but take some time to see how you might change how you talk to people after service this week. Will you care for the unnoticed around you and view them with the eyes of Christ? Take some time to pray that your heart will be ready when the time comes.
I’m thankful for how loving this church is to all people. If anything, this is an encouragement to excel even more. But I know there are people on the fringe of our church who are still lacking the fellowship needed for spiritual growth. Find these people. They might be older than you, younger than you, it doesn’t matter. Find them and love them.