“But we proved to be gentle among you, as a nursing mother tenderly cares for her own children. Having so fond an affection for you, we were well-pleased to impart to you not only the gospel of God but also our own lives, because you had become very dear to us.” (1 Thessalonians 2:7–12)

“As mothers are absolutely and indisputably essential to the well- being of children, so spiritual leaders who minister with a mother’s gentleness, intimate affection, sacrificial love, and unselfish labor are essential for the health of the church.” (John MacArthur)

by Pastor John Kim

This is not something you often hear regarding church leadership, that you should reflect the character of a mother. But the apostle Paul shares about this kind of perspective, something that is very much needed in today’s churches, especially as you hear about pastors these days who have been dismissed from their churches due to a harsh spirit, a domineering spirit, where people are being spiritually abused and severely traumatized due to a lack of love.

There is something about a mother that resonates universally – from the time you are born, your mother is the one who will not only take care of you, but love you, and gently, tenderly, affectionately be there for you. This is not just a sentimental thing – to be gentle, tender, and affectionate is not something that will always come naturally.

Sure, there are times when a mother sees her child and thinks, “Oh how I love this child!”
There are other times when a mother sees her child and can’t help but think “I can’t handle this craziness!” To choose to be gentle, tender, and affectionate is not based on someone being deserving or worthy but it is a deliberate choice to work toward being that way.

Paul uses the imagery of a mother going through labor in his ministry towards the church:

“My children, with whom I am again in labor until Christ is formed in you-” (Galatians 4:19)

The word “labor” here in this verse is the word used for the labor pain at the birth of a child. It is the most intense and prolonged pain that only a mother who has given birth can truly understand. But it is a pain that is embraced and endured because the mother knows what will be the end result – the birth of a child.

It is as if Paul says, not only did I labor to see you be brought to spiritual life but that he is also laboring to see them grow in Christlikeness.

This is what the perspective of a mother should bring to the leadership of the church. It is a long term commitment not only to the beginning stages but to the long-term growth of a congregation where there should be a very clear and unmistakable sense where the leaders show a gentle, tender, and affectionate care for the members.

Gentleness

The abuse of a baby is one that is completely inexcusable. To hurt one that is incapable of defending himself, to be so hard-hearted that you would inflict pain on a little one is something that most people would find deplorable.

Instead you can imagine the kind of treatment that a baby would receive, especially when he or she is just born. You can only expect there to be a gentle handling of that baby by all involved.

In many churches today, you do not see this kind of mentality toward people. In fact, it is only maybe in the nursery that you might see it, but I would like to use the nursery ministry as a very visible way to drive home this point. What if parents were to walk in the nursery and see the nursery workers treating their little ones in a rough manner? What if they were just yelling at the child and handling them harshly? There is no way you would put them in the nursery, would you? What would you expect in the nursery? I can tell you what you should expect in the nursery – you should see that there are those who have committed themselves and prepared themselves to be gentle – gentle toward a child that will typically come in crying, not wanting to be there, not immediately cooperative, not willing to to share, not willing to listen to instructions, but still be gentle toward them. Why? Because that is the kind of character you are to display to these little ones.

But to be gentle is not limited to the children. The apostle Paul is talking about the church.
He is sharing how he and his team did not come with flattering speech (2:5) and they were not there to seek glory from men (2:6). He did not assert even his apostolic authority in ministry but instead ministered to them as a mother would to her children.

To be gentle is not a small thing nor is it something to be associated with being weaker. It actually takes great strength to be gentle as a mother is gentle with her child. You will see a mother talk gently and gently handle her little child, who has just thrown up, who has just soiled the diaper for the 20th time today, who has just thrown a tantrum over eating vegetables. If an adult treated you the way a child treats his or her parents in these ways, there is no way you would respond gently in response to them.

But this is the picture of strength – to display gentleness, a meek and quiet spirit that brings peace and calm. Gentleness is something that we need to value more in the life of the church as well as in the home.

Gentleness is a manifestation of the work of the Holy Spirit in your life as well.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” (Galatians 5:22–23)

Note that the fruit of the Spirit is a multi-colored expression of different character qualities and gentleness is highlighted as a quality that reflects the work of the Holy Spirit in your life.

“Now I, Paul, myself urge you by the meekness and gentleness of Christ—I who am meek when face to face with you, but bold toward you when absent!” (2 Corinthians 10:1)

The apostle Paul urges by the gentleness of Christ – what a picture of one who instead of asserting apostolic authority instead appeals to the gentleness of Christ as the means by which he would exhort and even correct those who had stubbornly questioned his apostleship.

“Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” (Ephesians 4:1–3)

Again Paul highlights among other things the quality of gentleness to be that which reflects a worthy walk as well as that which contributes to the preserving of the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace in the life of the church.

“So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity.” (Colossians 3:12–14)

How do you show that you are one of God’s chosen? By a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.

“Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted.” (Galatians 6:1)

Even in your confronting of a fellow believer in sin, true spirituality is shown in the pursuit of restoration in a spirit of gentleness.

“But flee from these things, you man of God, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, perseverance and gentleness.” (1 Timothy 6:11)

Instead of being the kind of person who seeks the sordid gain of the love of money, Paul urges Timothy to flee from such things and instead among other things, pursue gentleness.

“What do you desire? Shall I come to you with a rod, or with love and a spirit of gentleness?” (1 Corinthians 4:21)

You can only imagine as Paul is being tested by what he has heard going on in the Corinthian church. There were those who questioned his authority and were arrogant because Paul wasn’t there. But even then, Paul questions them as to how he should come – whether with the rod or with love and a spirit of gentleness?

A good question to ask is how would you want your spiritual leaders to come to you when you are caught up in your sin. Sometimes there is a call for strong reproof and discipline when there is a stubborn, rebellious heart. But how must more would it be preferred to not have it come to that but instead invite a gentle response. So there is a time for a stern reproof but even so, there would be a preference to display gentleness.

“The Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will.” (2 Timothy 2:24–26)

Again, even when facing opposition, there is a maturity and a sense of perspective that looks beyond the immediate situation and expresses gentleness in the hope of seeing God grant repentance.

“Who among you is wise and understanding? Let him show by his good behavior his deeds in the gentleness of wisdom. But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth. This wisdom is not that which comes down from above, but is earthly, natural, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.” (James 3:13–18)

Spiritual wisdom, wisdom from above, is the kind of wisdom that is characterized by gentleness. It stands in opposition to bitter jealousy and selfish ambition, to arrogance and lies.

Wisdom from heaven is characterized by a gentleness that exudes both in the content and in how it is presented.

Tender Care

The primary thought behind this word is the idea to cherish. It is to treat with tenderness and affection. It is to have a nurturing spirit, one that would figuratively warm someone with their care. The same word is used in Ephesians 5:29 in the context of how a husband is to cherish his wife, just as Christ cherishes the church

Probably the most significant picture of tender care would be that of a mother nursing her child. That’s why Paul uses this description to convey the heart attitude of how ministry should be conducted.

This tenderness is not something to be seen as just a feminine trait.

“And you, child, will be called the prophet of the Most High;
For you will go on before the Lord to prepare His ways;
To give to His people the knowledge of salvation
By the forgiveness of their sins,
Because of the tender mercy of our God,
With which the Sunrise from on high will visit us,
To shine upon those who sit in darkness and the shadow of death,
To guide our feet into the way of peace.” (Luke 1:76–79)

God Himself exercises a tender mercy. This is something that one might not expect to be highlighted of the omnipotent God but when you consider the whole gift of salvation, is it not appropriate to see the tenderness of God revealed to undeserving sinners?

“Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:32)

If we have experienced the tender mercies of God in being granted forgiveness of Christ, you would think that this would have a profound impact in the life of His children. There is something to be said about a congregation that is tenderhearted toward one another. You will also see a kindness, an atmosphere of forgiveness because it all points to the reality of the gospel

Fond Affection

The idea behind this quality is that of a strong and persistent longing, a yearning, a very strong affection. John MacArthur notes that ancient inscriptions on the tombs of dead babies sometimes contained this term when parents wanted to describe their sad longing for a too-soon-departed child.

You can see this in the heart of a mother toward her child, especially when she is separated from her child for any reason. Try talking to a mother who is longing for her child – that is the only thing on her mind! But why? Because there is this strong affection, a longing, a persistent yearning.

This is the kind of affection that should exist within the church as well, especially in the leaders.
There should be such a sense of affection that there would be the willingness to lay down your life. The ministry of the gospel was not just one of imparting information but one of imparting life. A true minister of the gospel is one who is willing to give his very life for the sake of those that God has given to minister in the church body.

Paul shows such an example, that at the heart of his ministry was not just cold obligation, not just an imparting of information, but a fond affection.

“For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. For it is only right for me to feel this way about you all, because I have you in my heart, since both in my imprisonment and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel, you all are partakers of grace with me. For God is my witness, how I long for you all with the affection of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 1:6–8)

There are some pastors and church leaders who show absolutely no affection toward the members of the church. There is a business mentality, almost like looking at people simply as commodities or numbers instead of thinking of how to truly shepherd them as Christ would shepherd the flock. It is tragic when you see this kind of attitude, especially in the leaders of the church. They fail to represent and reflect the Savior, who presented Himself to be gentle and humble in heart.

“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28–30)

My hope and prayer is that our Lighthouse churches, especially the leadership of all the churches, would reflect these kind of qualities in such a way that the watching world can see the absolute stunning brilliance of how the gospel has transformed our lives and how we treat one another. It really goes against everything the world would value and highlights what would reflect our Savior in the most appropriate ways, especially in the life of the church.