by Josh Liu

Although College Life has ended, it will be helpful to highlight certain principles concerning the biblical foundations of marriage and family that we talked about during the school year.

(Again, the following notes are adapted from Dr. John Street of The Master’s University and Seminary.)

We can identify two kinds of families in the Bible: spiritual families and physical families.

Every person belongs to a spiritual family. Several passages in Scripture refer to believers as the spiritual family or children of God (1 Tim. 3:15; Eph. 2:19; 3:15; John 1:12; Rom. 8:16-17; Gal. 3:26; 1 John. 3:10). Other passages refer to unbelievers as children of the wicked one or of the devil (John 8:38-44; Matt. 13:38-39; Acts 13:10; 1 John 3:10). These spiritual families are based on one’s relationship to God and have eternal consequences. To become a child of God, one needs to be redeemed (e.g., have Christ’s redemptive work applied to a repentant sinner); otherwise, he remains a child of wrath (Eph. 2:3). The spiritual position, or family, of belonging to God is accompanied with commands of how one ought to conduct himself (Matt. 5:9ff; Mark 3:31-35). The spiritual family continues after our physical death (Rev. 21:7).

Every person also belongs to a physical family. God has defined the design, purpose, and responsibilities of physical families. While every human being is related—descendants of Adam and Eve—God intentionally creates family units through marriage (Gen. 2:24-25). This particular physical family is known as the traditional (nuclear, immediate) family, consisting of a husband, wife, and/or children and important childrearing responsibilities for unmarried children (Gen. 2:24; cf. Ps. 28:1-4; Eph. 5:22-6:4; Col. 3:18-21; 1 Pet. 3:1-7). The Bible also refers to the kind of family that would be regarded as extended family, including grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, etc.—any person with a near biological connection or association (cf. Gen. 10:5ff; Ruth 2:1; Luke 2:4; 1 Tim. 5; Mark 7). Physical families are based on birth, marriage, or adoption. The physical family is only enjoyed while on earth.

While it is the physical family that we seek to expound upon, it must be emphasized that one’s membership to the spiritual family of God is imperative. If you do not know God as your heavenly Father—through submitting to Christ as your Lord and Savior by faith and repentance and depending on His death and resurrection to save you from your sins—then you cannot “do” marriage and family God’s way; without faith, it is impossible to please God (Heb. 11:6; cf. Matt. 7:21-23; Is. 64:6). A fulfilling or “successful” (e.g., well-put together, enviable, conflict-free, “full-quiver,” etc.) marriage and family are secondary to being right with God. Even now, you are able to turn to Christ by faith and repentance and be accepted as a child of God.

As we now examine the physical family, we highlight several specific facts about what the family is and what it should be from God’s perspective.

First, the Bible teaches that the family—specifically marriage—is God’s response to man’s aloneness; marriage is a place where the deepest kind of friendships are formed and experienced. At the beginning of creation, God specifically created a helper for Adam (Gen. 2:18). The spouse is described as a companion, which refers to one who comes alongside or one who accompanies (Prov. 2:17; Mal. 2:14). In other words, the marriage relationship is to be a rich companionship. This one-flesh companion can be further characterized as the biblical friend: a true friend loves, is committed, and loyal (Prov. 17:17; 27:10); avoids flattery and rebukes gently (Prov. 29:5); is concerned about being a positive influence (Prov. 12:26); is sensitive to the likes and dislikes of others (Prov. 25:17, 20; 27:14); encourages and cheers others up (Prov. 27:9); sharpens others (Prov. 27:17); and is willing to sacrifice self and serve others (John 15:13-15).

Second, the Bible teaches that the husband-wife relationship should take precedence over other human relationships (Gen. 2:24). At creation, God intended for the spousal relationship to be permanent and the parent-child relationship to be temporary (e.g., in terms of authority-submission). Parents are to raise their children to leave the home and hold fast to their own spouse (cf. 1 Cor. 14:35). The primary relationship in the home is the husband-wife relationship.

Third, the Bible teaches that the family is to be a place where people are shown honor and respect. Children, in particular, are commanded to honor, not despise, curse, disgrace, scorn, or mock their parents (Deut. 5:16; Prov. 19:26; 20:20; 23:22; 30:17; Mark 7:10; Eph. 6:2). The husband is to delicately care for his wife (1 Pet. 3:7); the wife is to respect her husband (Eph. 5:33); the father is to treat his children with dignity (1 Tim. 3:4) and not provoke them to anger (Col. 3:21; Eph. 6:4); and children are to regard their own family (1 Tim. 5:4).

Fourth, the Bible teaches that the family is a classroom in which the most important lessons of life are taught and learned. Parents have a responsibility to pass on God’s greatness to the next children by instructing them of God’s Word (Deut. 4:9-10; 6:6-25; Josh. 4:21-24; Ps. 78:2-7). Parents have a primary role in the education of their children (though this is not necessarily an argument supporting the priority of homeschooling!).

Fifth, the Bible teaches that the family is a place of safety. God intended the family to be a help during the turmoil of life, which may include social rejection or ridicule, financial distress, physical illnesses or diseases, and spiritual challenges and weaknesses. For example, the husband safely trusts his wife (Prov. 31:11-12); the husband cherishes and nourishes his wife (Eph. 5:28-29); the husband shows his wife honor (1 Pet. 3:7); the God-fearing wife is a blessing to her home (Prov. 14:1; 31:26-28); spouses find satisfaction in one another (Prov. 5:15-20); the family provides for their household (1 Tim. 5:8); the husband provides for his children (Prov. 13:22; cf. 2 Cor. 12:14); and a wise son blesses his father (Prov. 10:1). The family (husband, wife, children) are meant to be a source of encouragement, help, support, gladness, and safety for one another.

This is a sampling of a God-honoring marriage and family—God’s intended design, responsibilities, and blessings. This biblical foundation ought to compel God’s children to prepare for and “do” marriage and family His way. Remember also to carefully watch over your soul by not idolizing (demanding, living for, sinning when not receiving or sinning in order to get) the blessings of the biblical marriage and family. Regardless of the physical family God has brought you into, you can glorify Him in your responses and hope in belonging to the eternal, spiritual family of God.