by Pastor Patrick Cho

One of the places in Scripture to find a wealth of helpful principles for parenting is the Proverbs. Almost every book on parenting will reference these Scriptures repeatedly because of the wisdom they contain. Besides the plethora of verses that apply to parenting indirectly, several passages address parenting specifically.

He who withholds his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently. (Proverbs 13:24)

In this series, I have been walking through proverbs that specifically deal with the theme of parenting. The passage for today comes just two verses after the previous verse we looked at. As with some earlier proverbs, this verse walks through the importance of discipline, but here it is specifically dealing with applying the rod in parenting. It is not surprising that this is a controversial issue amongst parents outside the church. Many secular articles have been written warning against the dangers of spanking. But from a Christian perspective, God’s Word is clear that a parent’s responsibility is to guide their children away from sinful behavior by loving discipline and the implementation of the “rod.”

Some Christians have attempted to argue that the Bible does not promote spanking young children. They claim that, though well-intended, we have misunderstood Scripture’s intent. One argument they posit is that the Hebrew word for “child” (Heb. naar) in the Proverbs does not refer to young children but older youths. A quick look at several passages would demonstrate that this is false. While it is true that the word can refer to young men (Gen. 14:24), it is also used to label very young children (Gen. 21:12) and even infants (Exod. 2:6; 1 Sam. 1:22). This word can be applied to any child that is not a full-grown adult. The notion that the Bible does not promote spanking children is driven by a predetermined agenda without allowing Scripture to speak for itself.

This proverb states that the one who refrains from implementing the rod of discipline hates his son, but the one who loves him disciplines him diligently. This is contrary to the unfortunate thinking of many parents that spanking is unloving or harsh. Of course, a parent can punish their child in a very unloving and even abusive way, but biblical discipline never allows for this. Biblically, discipline is either applied in love or it is sin. Parents who spank their children in anger need to repent and seek forgiveness from God and their children. The motive for biblical correction is always love.

Many parents today reject spanking because of a faulty understanding of human nature, that children are basically innocent. As such, too many unfortunately allow their children to learn merely from their experiences and their own life choices. Too many parents allow their children to have their own way. But the Bible commands parents to teach a child the way to go. In fact, the Bible teaches that leaving a child to choose their own way will lead to their spiritual destruction. This is why the author states that withholding discipline is tantamount to hating your child.

It follows then that if a parent loves their child with true, godly love, they will seek to save their child from a course in life that leads to destruction by not allowing them to go their own way (Prov. 29:15; cf. Prov. 22:6 CSB). Parents are to do this “diligently” (Heb. mūsar). This is an interesting adverb in Hebrew that comes from the root word for “dawn.” It should be understood as “early.” In other words, diligently disciplining your child is to correct their behavior early without allowing it to persist.