by Misun Kim

All throughout college, I hated church. I complained about the long sermons, old praise and hymn singing, the church building/lights, activities, fellowship, and soon even the pastoral staff and leadership. Yet it was so ironic that I was dating a pastor at that time and that I was still attending Lighthouse. I still went out to LBC because I had conviction that God wanted me at this church.

I needed to learn obedience, submission and humility. Submission to God involves humility; it is acknowledging that I am neither qualified nor able to do what I ought to do. I thought my will needed to be strengthened, but strangely, I only became stronger only when I surrendered (2 Corinthians 12:10).

As I surrendered my will to God, the Holy Spirit began to resolve these conflicts within my heart. As I committed myself before God to understanding and loving the church, God showed me His truth as a standard for making choices. He taught me a single-mindedness that I never knew before. And after a while, I began to realize that what God requires of me is really what I want to do. As long as I was walking daily with the Lord, I can be sure that the decisions I make are in His will.

I’ve had many meaningful conversations with the people at this church. As I got to hear their stories, I was less tempted to judge others and had more understanding as I became acquainted with the wickedness of my own heart. One of the people who had made an influence is Mrs. Grace Lee. I remember coming to her with feelings of guilt towards the church and serving. I was doubtful whether guilt was an acceptable motivation to change my heart and attitude because guilt was not God’s means of discipline since it’s contrary to the cross. God didn’t want me to live with guilt, but He showed me grace and love, which was His way of motivating me to live righteously. God’s grace is not given as a ticket for me to keep complaining, but rather it motivates me to submit myself willingly, joyfully, and obediently to Christ who loves me so deeply.

With the prayers of Grace and couple of other sisters, God changed my heart. As God takes me far beyond Lighthouse, His light will shine on me, alerting me to share my story with those who struggle with their faith and church. I will take a piece of Lighthouse that will glow in my heart, so I may shine the light of Jesus.

Favorite food: Korean
Favorite verse: Philippians 1:6
Favorite artists: Mariah Carey, Neyo, Justin Timberlake, Fergie, Beyonce, Beachboys, David Crowder
Things I want to do before I die: Sky diving, scuba diving, pet a shark, fly a jet, rock climbing, backpack in Europe