by Pastor John Kim

I can’t help but have to vent a bit here in response to what should be seen as a time to not only grieve in the passing away of my father-in-law but an opportunity to minister to my mother-in-law, my wife and her siblings, the grandchildren, and for those who truly loved and appreciated my father-in-law. But Korean church protocol is more concerned about pleasing some hierarchical structure, having to maintain the “honor” of those who are supposedly deserving of the responsibility of presiding over the funeral ceremonies, forgetting that a funeral is not about them!! Even when someone has died, people will twist it into an opportunity for their own self-gain and it just sickens me to think that someone would take advantage of a time where there is grieving and mourning to take place and all they can think of is to promote themselves and just observe ceremonial protocol. I am all for having order and structure but this is ridiculous.

God’s glory is at stake both in life and in death and the church should always and only be about the work of bringing God’s glory to the forefront. It should be about ministering to the bereaved widow and finding ways to share the love of Christ with one who is suffered a tremendous loss. It should be about encouraging and supporting the family members who will feel the loss most keenly. Instead, there are “requests” for a restaurant reservation to be made to feed those who are going to the funeral, I suppose to “thank” them for their coming. I can’t see anywhere in Scripture where the bereaved is to be more concerned about feeding the guests – this isn’t a wedding! If anything, the church should be feeding the bereaved!! They are the ones who have suffered the loss and are busy going about the business of having to take care of funeral arrangements and covering costs related to the funeral. But I can’t help but see those who are more concerned with form and have absolutely no care for the reality of the situation.

Protocol is not what is most important – people’s genuine needs are!! Romans 12:13 calls us to be “contributing to the needs of the saints, practicing hospitality.” You don’t insist other to do this – you do this!! To me, a pastor who makes a “request”, especially on the day of the actual death, to make sure that the guests are fed, is a pastor who is not fit for the work of caring for the flock. The Scriptures call the church to suffer when a member suffers, to celebrate when one has reason to celebrate. It doesn’t bilk them and take advantage of them, especially during a time of need. The pastor, of all people in the church, needs to be giving ministry, not asking for it. God help us!

I know there might not be malicious intent involved (at least I would hope not), but ignorance is not an excuse for irresponsible behavior on the part of those who say they shepherd the flock. Please pray for me, pray that I would exercise humility and wisdom and not just be angry. Pray that as we have the funeral services for my father-in-law that the greatest priority would be to point all the attention and all the glory to the Savior. Pray that I would also have the boldness to speak the truth of the gospel to those who really need to hear it. Pray that I would walk in the Spirit and honor the memory of my father-in-law, encourage my mother-in-law, and support Angela and my brothers-in-law and sister-in-law during this time of loss.

Jesus, help me.