by Pastor Patrick Cho

“Patience is a virtue.” It’s one of those proverbial phrases that we all hear again and again growing up. Of course, most people understand the importance of pursuing patience, but they also know from experience how difficult it can be. Who hasn’t stood in line at the DMV or post office or been stuck in gridlock and really struggled with patience? The fact is we don’t like to wait, and perhaps even more we don’t like to be reminded to be patient! How many times were we reminded by our parents to be patient when we complained and whined? I don’t think I was ever thankful for those reminders. Now that I am a parent, though, I see the daily need to teach my children patience. And while I don’t want to minimize the need for those lessons, I have also come to find more and more through experience how much I still need to learn patience as a parent.

I suppose it is indicative of our own sinful tendencies to see fault in others without really seeing the same faults in ourselves. We’re really good at seeking to remove specks while ignoring the blatant logs in our own eyes. Any parents seeking to do their job to the glory of God knows that it requires enormous patience to raise kids. When you know that the goal is not merely behavior modification but are working to address the heart, that requires patience. When you understand that all the good parenting in the world will not accomplish any real success apart from the grace of God, that requires patience. Even though we know these things in principle, it’s obvious that we still need to be reminded from time to time because of how often we struggle with impatience.

As Christians, we need to always make the distinction that we are not just pursuing patience for patience’s sake. This is not just a self-improvement project that we will one day reflect on patting ourselves on the back with smug satisfaction. The reason we seek to grow in patience is chiefly because God wants us to. But it goes so far beyond just that! We were enslaved to our sinful ways and dead in our sins. Through faith in Jesus’ amazing and miraculous death and resurrection, God rescued us from our sin and freed us up to live for Him. He gave us new life in Christ that was particularly highlighted by the sending of His Spirit. And what is the fruit of having the Spirit’s influence in our lives? Patience (Gal. 5:22). As God has shown us such immeasurable and infinite love, what are we also to do? We are to love one another. But what does such love look like? It is patient (1 Cor. 13:4). So God expects us to be patient with others (including our children!) because that’s what He saved us to. One of the effects of saving grace in the life of a hopeless sinner, one of the miraculous changes that would take place in that sin-enslaved heart, is that it would manifest patience.

This is why is impatience dangerous. It isn’t just because it is annoying to hear people complain. It isn’t just because of the damage it might do to your reputation. Being impatient goes against the grain of what God sought to accomplish in your life by saving you. Not only that, but we would also do well to remember how the Bible repeatedly reminds us of the patience of God (cf. Rom. 9:22; 1 Pet. 3:20; 2 Pet. 3:9; et al.). If God showed us tremendous patience, one of the reasons was to serve as an example for us that we might be patient towards others. So when we are impatient, we violate what it means to represent Him in this lost and dying world.

Think about how this applies in parenting. Our children look to us as an example of how we ought to live out the Christian life. Whether they want to mimic that example is another issue, but at the very least if we say we are in Christ we ought to reflect through our lives what that means. From Scripture, one of the things that should be clearly seen in us is patience. That when we show patience towards our children especially when they sin against us, we are reflecting the patience that God showed towards us when we sinned against Him. Our demonstration of patience actually helps fortify our testimony and strengthens the opportunities to teach our children about Jesus.

Patience is a relational quality (cf. Eph. 4:2; Col. 3:12). Whether we are waiting on the Lord or on others, our patience is applied with another person. As parents, most of the time our patience will be tried by our children. They will push our buttons and test our limits. We will have difficulty keeping cool in the midst of their tantrums, complaints, disappointments, and failures. This is why we need to remember that patience is more than just about keeping cool. It is rooted in the gospel. How can we pursue patience more effectively?

1. Pray for help. Since patience is a fruit of the Spirit, it would be wise to ask the Spirit of God to help us in times of impatience and struggle. We can actually prepare ourselves for those times that we find ourselves particularly weak (for me it’s the mornings!). Oftentimes just taking that moment to calm your heart to ask the Lord’s help will get your heart in the right place to respond well to your children. I remember a friend facetiously saying, “Don’t ever pray for patience, because God will only make you wait.” I think we will find that the more the Lord helps us in this area of life, the better off we will be.
2. Think on the Lord. Consider the amazing patience of God who put up with your sins and failures all those years before bringing you to saving faith. He patiently endured your rebellious life and self-centeredness. And even after saving you, He still has to patiently wait on your spiritual growth and development. When you struggle with patience, think on the Lord Jesus’ perfect patience to serve as an example for you (1 Tim. 1:16).
3. Remember that different situations are going to call for different responses, but Scripture still calls us to “be patient with all” (1 Thess. 5:14). Regardless of whether our children simply require help or encouragement, or they are downright being rebellious, the situation will always demand our patience.
4. Pray for your children. If your children ever come to saving faith in Jesus Christ, it will be because God worked in their hearts to believe. If they experience any success in developing godly character, it will ultimately be because of the Spirit’s working through His Word to cause them to grow. While we have been given the solemn responsibility to raise our children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord, God is the one who will bring about the results. We need to pray that He would be gracious to help them grow into the men and women He wants them to be.
5. Be encouraged. Remember that God never sits around idle. While you are called to wait on the Lord, He is actively working out His good, acceptable, and perfect plan in you. Whatever situation you find yourself, however difficult it might seem, God knows it better than you. He sees with a perfect perspective. When you are in a place where you are required to wait on the Lord, it is the best place you can possibly be.