by Cesar Vigil-Ruiz

Editor’s Note: You can listen to the class and download the handout.

“What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?” (James 4:1) (NIV)

Dealing with conflict biblically will never happen apart from heart-talk. What Jesus speaks about in Matthew 15:19 should give us pause as to where our evil desires and actions come from: “For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander.” What Ken Sande argues for and demonstrates in this chapter is that our hearts are the source and root cause of our conflicts (p.102). Because of this, there is a progression that can lead to an idolatrous life, not made out of wood, but out of our unmet desires.

The Progression of an Idol

I Desire

Every conflict has some kind of desire involved, whether good or bad. When one person does not meet your desires, there’s two roads you can take: trust God and ask for help in growing to be mature regardless of how the other person gets (James 1:2-4), as well as loving them and continue to pray for further opportunities to progress in your conflict resolution, or you can try and have your desire met, knowing that if it isn’t, you will start to become bitter towards that person which affects your relationship with them and dishonors God. The second option spirals down into what follows next.

I Demand

“Unmet desires have the potential of working themselves deeper and deeper into our hearts. This is especially true when we come to see a desire as something we need or deserve and therefore must have in order to be happy or fulfilled” (p.103). Easily, having an unmet desire (“I wish I had this”) could lead to an attitude of demand (“I must have this!”), which is the sign of idolatry.

The typical notion of an idol is a figure made out of wood that people sacrifice and bow down and worship, which most Americans do not see on a normal basis, hence thinking they do not have idols. However, the Bible has a different take on what an idol is:

An idol is anything apart from God that we depend on to be happy, fulfilled, or secure. In biblical terms, it is something other than God that we set our heart on (Luke 12:29; 1 Cor. 10:19), that motivates us (1 Cor. 4:5), that masters and rules us (Ps. 119:133; Eph. 5:5), or that we trust, fear, or serve (Isa. 42:17; Matt. 6:24; Luke 12:4-5). In short, it is something we love and pursue more than God (see Phil. 3:19). (p.104)

Every follower of Christ still has their sinful nature within them, and so will continue to battle within themselves for their desires to be met, and once it moves to becoming a demand, we have created an idol. What this should not lead to is a mindset of succumbing to our demands simply for the fact that we do so on a regular basis. It does not please God, and leads further downwards.

I Judge

If we are not careful, our demands for what we want from others, if left unfulfilled, can draw us to become critical and condemning of others, with our words but primarily in our hearts. A biblical character that sounds like that is Satan (James 3:15; 4:7), who in his own mind considered himself greater than God, and seeing himself as a god of his own. This is the same attitude one possesses when he begins to judge others in this way: with a superiority complex, with indignation, bitterness or resentment. What is woefully lacking is having genuine love for the other and real concern for them throughout a conflict.

“The closer we are to others, the more we expect of them, and the more likely we are to judge them when they fail to meet our expectations” (p.107). That is a scary thing to see about our human nature.

I Punish

Idols always demand sacrifices. When someone fails to satisfy our demands and expectations, our idol demands that he should suffer. Whether deliberately or unconsciously, we will find ways to hurt or punish people so that they will give in to our desires. (p.108)

We either express it outwardly in our verbal attacks on others, or we do it more subtly, in order to get others to do what we want them to, regardless of their interests. When we act in this way, this is a clear sign that we are not living under the lordship of Christ; an idol has become our lord.

The Cure for an Idolatrous Heart

Any idol we have, we love, fear and trust—which are words that are used for worship. We worship our idols, instead of the true and living God (Matt. 22:37; Luke 12:4-5; John 14:1). We are not commanded by God to obey them at any time. How do we escape this?

Deliverance from Judgment

We must look to God alone, who has delivered his people in the past: “I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. You shall have no other gods before me” (Exod. 20:2-3, NIV). Our freedom is found in Jesus Christ, God’s only provision for our sinful state. We need to look to Christ and put our complete trust in Him. When that happens, God not only delivers us, but He makes us His children, joint heirs of the grace of life, and makes us able to live a godly life this side of heaven (Gal. 4:4-7). We need to believe in the Gospel and repent.

Deliverance from Specific Idols

God knows our hearts, and knows we will still be marred with sin, and knows our struggles and battles with certain sins individually, and so wants to also deliver us from the idols that control us on a day-to-day basis. We need to identify them and confess them as sin, trusting in His provisions (His Word, His Spirit, and His church) to root it out of our lives. These three are God’s means of grace in a believers’ life, and His way of removing our idols to worship and live for Him.

Replace Idol Worship with Worship of the True God

“If we are not fulfilled and secure in God, we will inevitably seek other sources of happiness and security” (p.112). If you truly want to have the idols that control your heart completely removed, you need to pursue God more than anything else this world or your own heart may have to offer. To do that, we must:

1. Repent before God
2. Fear God
3. Love God
4. Trust God
5. Delight in God

“God has designed a wonderful cycle for those who want to worship him above all things. As you love, praise, give thanks, and delight yourself in God, he will fulfill your desires with the best gift: more of himself. And as you learn to delight more and more in him, you will feel less need to find happiness, fulfillment, and security in things of this world” (p.114).

If your response to God’s best gift is, “That’s all?” the one you worship is not God, but yourself, and you are in dangerous territory. Your heart is bowing down before a lesser god, which is no god, but an idol, and the life you live will be one of utter sin and condemnation before a holy God. You will never find true peace in any of your conflicts until you have found the Prince of Peace. Look to Him today to deliver you and draw you to Himself.

by Cesar Vigil-Ruiz

Editor’s Note: You can listen to the class and download the handout.

When it comes to resolving conflict, there is much advice that is offered by many guides or authorities in the field of psychology, sociology, as well as religion. There’s also the popular advice of Dear Abby in the newspaper, or that from the likes of Wayne Dyer, Dr. Phil and Oprah on TV that many have adopted in terms of a “don’t judge me” type of attitude. What the Bible teaches has been neglected, so much so that not only does the world have absolutely no idea how to resolve conflict with any semblance of dealing with the right issue, but many in the church are greatly lacking in this area as well.

In the much misinterpreted passage of Matthew 7:3-5, Jesus lays out the proper instruction on how to address conflicts two people may have with each other. Although typically used as a proof-text to shut down any attempts at confronting another person, Christ draws a line toward judgment that is premature and improper, yet it does not rule out loving correction. This involves the prior removal of the log out of our own eye before addressing the speck of another, but the speck removal of another is just as necessary. By looking through our role in whatever conflict we find ourselves in, there must be two types of fault we avoid:

1. An overly-sensitive attitude, when you are easily offended by another person´s behavior, and
2. Sinful behavior, which you yourself may have brought (will be covered in chapters 5 and 6).

Define the Issues

There are two types of conflict:

1. Material, which deal with property, money, rights and responsibilities, and is resolved through cooperative negotiation
2. Personal, which deal with what goes on inside or between people, and is resolved through confession, loving correction, and forgiveness.

In real life, each type of conflict rarely occurs without the other. If a material conflict arises, it´s usually resolved when the personal issue is dealt with. When such is the case, the objective is to address what the primary material issue is and then get at the primary heart issue. The first question that will diagnose how to go about this is to ask, “Is this really worth fighting over?” When thinking about the conflicts you go through, the majority of them may be in the realm of “not worth fighting over,” and should be settled or simply let go as quickly as possible.

Overlook Minor Offenses

“In many situations, the best way to resolve a conflict is simply to overlook the personal offenses of others” (p.82), which is how God sees it:

Proverbs 19:11 – Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.

Proverbs 17:14 – The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so quit before the quarrel breaks out.

1 Peter 4:8 – Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.

Ephesians 4:2 – [W]ith all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love.

Colossians 3:13 – [B]earing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving one another; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

Just as God has forgiven us of sin, we should do the same, and see God’s model as one to follow. When we overlook minor offenses, it shouldn’t be passive in avoiding dealing with an issue that causes you to resent or become bitter and angry, which will explode at a later time. It should rather be an active process that shows mercy to the other person who wrongs you in a way where you do not hold it against them, or let it cause you to become bitter. This is a direct result of the Gospel’s work in a person.

Check Your Attitude – and Change It

One of the reasons we sometimes find it difficult to overlook offenses is that we have an overly sensitive attitude or a tendency to dwell on what others have done. One way to guard against this problem is to check your attitude in the light of God’s Word. (p.83)

5 principles Paul lays out in Philippians 4:2-9:

1. Rejoice in the Lord always (v.4)
2. Let your gentleness be evident to all (v.5)
3. Replace anxiety with prayer (v.6)
4. See things as they really are (v.8)
5. Practice what you learned (v.9)

Count the Cost

Another way to avoid unnecessary conflict is to consider the cost of unresolved conflict. Conflict is often much more expensive than we expect it to be. Unresolved disputes can consume large amounts of time, energy, and money, leaving you emotionally and spiritually exhausted. Worst of all, as long as a disagreement is unresolved, there is the potential for further damage to a relationship. (p.90)

What we need to do is count the cost immediately at the start of a conflict or dispute, because that is almost always the first thing that is neglected the moment we enter into one. This is why Jesus says:

Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you be put in prison. Truly, I say to you, you will never get out until you have paid the last penny. (Matthew 5:25-26)

What about “Rights?”

One immediate response to one who asks such a question would be, “What about God’s rights?” We sin against God on a daily basis, and if he had any right to condemn, we would already be in hell. However, what God has done in forgiving us is an act of mercy, not justice/injustice. It may be unjust to exercise your “rights”: “When exercising a right allows you to avoid a moral responsibility or to take unfair advantage of others, you have not acted justly in the eyes of God, regardless of what a court might say” (p.92). Some diagnostic questions would be helpful at this point:

• “Will exercising my rights honor God by showing the power of the gospel in my life?”
• “Will exercising my rights advance God’s kingdom—or will it advance only my interests at the expense of his kingdom?”
• “Will exercising my rights benefit others?”
• “Is exercising my rights essential for my own well-being?” (p.92)

What we need to always remember is that Jesus, the Son of God, who owns everything, did not seek to exercise His right to life for the sake of preserving His kingly status as ruler of all. He gave it up to die for a people undeserving of it, and is a perfect picture of the grace of God. Is that not our goal in conflicts? Don’t we want to show our brothers and sisters in Christ this same picture? Don’t we desire to show our unbelieving family members and friends what God’s grace looks like? My God give that desire in our hearts.

by Stephen Rodgers

Because Cesar is still on the trip to Argentina with Pastor John, Pastor Patrick, and Mike, there won’t be a new Peacemaker article for you this week.  However, I wanted to very briefly remind you of the Peacemaker-related resources that we have made available so far:

• Previous articles in the series by both Stephen and Cesar can be found here.
• The audio files for the Peacemaking for Families class that Pastor Patrick has been doing can be found here.  The audio files for the Peacemaker class Peter, Mike, and Stephen have been doing can be found here.
• A series of articles and handouts illustrating and explaining the key points of the book are available for free from Peacemaker Ministries here.
• And last but not least, the Peacemaker Ministries blog entitled Route 5:9 can be found here.

We’ll continue our series of in-depth reviews of each chapter next week.  Thanks for your patience.

by Cesar Vigil-Ruiz

Editor’s Note: You can listen to the class and download the handout.

The LORD’s unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him. (Psalm 32:10b) (NIV)

When you have a deeper understanding of how God relates to this world and His creatures, you get a better understanding of the purpose of conflict. This is what Ken Sande draws out as essential to seeing conflict the way the Bible presents it: as something God, in His sovereign power and goodness, purposely designed for us. You would think reading about the sovereignty of God would be discussed in situations solely dealing with theology—not so, according to Scripture. Without God’s “supreme, unlimited and totally independent” power (p.60), which is what sovereignty means, conflict could not be seen in any other light than what most people think: as a negative consequence natural in relationships, void of hope and resolution. This common view is what needs to be corrected by the truth of God’s sovereignty and goodness.

God is Sovereign

“One reason that Jesus and Paul trusted God so completely is that they knew he was in complete control of everything that happened in their lives. This perfect control is often referred to as ‘the sovereignty of God.’” (p.60)

What God alone has is power over everything that has happened, and also what will happen. His control extends to every government, as well as individual lives and where they go. What differs from society’s misconception of God is that He is very involved and wanting to know us individually, taking great interest in the details of our lives, like what Psalm 8:3-4 says: “When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him?” What is included in this great control God has is control over many events in life that cause pain. One example comes from Isaiah 45:5-7, which tells us: “I am the LORD, and there is no other, besides me there is no God; I equip you, though you do not know me, that people may know, from the rising of the sun and from the west, that there is none besides me; I am the LORD, and there is no other. I form light and create darkness, I make well-being and create calamity, I am the LORD, who does all these things.” This shows greatest in the crucifixion of the only innocent man on the earth who has ever lived, and who is also the Son of God: “this Jesus, delivered up according to the definite plan and foreknowledge of God, you crucified and killed by the hands of lawless men” (Acts 2:23). Thus Sande writes,

Jesus did not die because God had lost control or was looking the other direction. God was fully in control at all times. He chose not to restrain the actions of evil men so that his plan of redemption would be fulfilled through the death and resurrection of his Son (Romans 3:21-26). (p.61)

Knowing this should not get us thinking that we have nothing to be held responsible for when in conflict (Matthew 12:36). We know that God ordains or orchestrates the events in our lives with a purpose in mind, including our conflicts, which should draw us to be ever more ready to handle conflict when it arises, because God designed this world knowing conflict would be inevitable.

God is Good

If all we knew was that God is in control of all that takes place, we would have a right to be afraid, since we would not know if He could do anything He pleases, which would either be good or bad. The great joy for Christians is that God has revealed Himself as good, and for our good in the most pure sense. Psalm 62:11-12a says: “Once God has spoken; twice have I heard this: that power belongs to God, and that to you, O LORD, belongs steadfast love.” So, every trial that we go through is also for our good:

God also uses our trials to teach us how to minister to others when they are suffering (2 Cor. 1:3-5). Through our trials, we can set an example that will encourage others to depend on God and remain faithful to his commands (2 Cor. 1:6-11). (p.63)

One promise God has given to His people is that of 1 Corinthians 10:13, which tells us, “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” He does this in 2 ways:

1. Sometimes He takes the problems away once they have fulfilled their purpose in our lives (2 Cor. 1:3-11).
2. He leaves problems in our lives, giving us the strength that is enough to win the battle over them on a daily basis, which shows His sustaining grace (2 Cor. 12:7-10).

Ken Sande sums up our response to this truth is

“…instead of wasting time and energy trying to figure out things that are beyond our comprehension, we need to turn our attention to the promises and instructions that God has revealed to us through Scripture. The Bible tells us that God is both sovereign and good, so we can be sure that whatever he has brought into our lives can be used to glorify him, to benefit others, and to help us grow.” (p.65)

The Path Has Been Marked

What these truths should lead a Christian to is trust in our God. “Trusting God means that in spite of our questions, doubts, and fears we draw on his grace and continue to believe that he is loving, that he is in control, and that he is always working for our good. Such trust helps us to continue doing what is good and right, even in difficult circumstances” (p.65). Among the godly who have shown great trust is Job (Job 42:2-3), Joseph (Gen. 37-50), David (Psa. 37:1-6), Peter and John (Acts 4:24, 27-29), and Paul (2 Cor. 4:7-18). Modern day examples include Jim and Elisabeth Elliot, as well as Joni Eareckson Tada. She writes (Sande quotes),

If examining the sovereignty of God teaches us anything, it teaches us that real satisfaction comes not in understanding God’s motives, but in understanding his character, in trusting in his promises, and in leaning on him and resting in him as the Sovereign who knows what he is doing and does all things well. (p.69)

What led to this trust is a recognition and conviction that God really is in control of all that happens in one’s life, and an unswerving commitment to stay firm in that truth, which comforts in the hardest of times, knowing that any and every trial, suffering, persecution comes not as an unexpected act by someone or some natural disaster, but ultimately by a God who loves us and will do all He can to show us His grace for our good. Even if it hurts, you can never accuse God of not wanting you to see Him in it and that He will get you through it, when you trust Him.

Trust Is a Decision

How you view God will deeply affect the way you see conflict. If you see God as solely sovereign but not good, He would be an accurate description of how Christopher Hitchens views God: a heavenly dictator. If He is good but not sovereign, you have a Santa Claus figure who cannot do a thing when trouble comes. The goal is not just resolved conflict, but a trust in the living God, who is both sovereign and good. Real resolution comes from a full trust in the God of Scripture who has spoken and has already resolved the deepest conflict that is the root of all other conflicts: the broken relationship between man and God in their full rebellion against His authority, character, and law. Our trust in God to help us resolve conflict comes from His willingness to send Jesus, His Son, to die on a cross for our sins and to remove the wrath that God has for everyone who continues to reject the only way of getting back to Him. They trust in their own “power” and “goodness” to get by in this world, including resolving conflicts, that never addresses the heart of the issue, and lives like those who say “‘peace, peace,’ when there is no peace” (Jeremiah 6:14). Our God saves, our God heals, and our God strengthens when we feel our weakest, because He is our strength, He is our healer, and He is our Savior.

by Cesar Vigil-Ruiz

Editor’s Note: You can listen to the class and download the handout.

If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. (Romans 12:18)

Sande continues to write in this chapter of “three dimensions to the peace that God offers to us through Christ: peace with God, peace with one another and peace within ourselves” (p. 44).

Peace with God

What brings peace with God has to do with what the Gospel is. We are all sinners who have strayed away from and fallen short of His perfect standard that leaves us separated from Him: “Behold, the LORD’s hand is not shortened, that it cannot save, or his ear dull that it cannot hear; but your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, and your sins have hidden his face from you so that he does not hear” (Isaiah 59:1-2). The good news is that God did not leave it there; He offered a way of salvation through the life, death, and resurrection of His Son, Jesus Christ (John 3:16): “By sacrificing himself in our place on the cross, Jesus has made it possible for us to have peace with God” (p.45). What Sande writes here is very important, and worth quoting in full:

Believing in Jesus means more than being baptized, going to church, or trying to be a good person. None of these activities can erase the sins you have already committed and will continue to commit throughout your life. Believing in Jesus means, first of all, admitting that you are a sinner and acknowledging that there is no way you can earn God’s approval by your works (Rom. 3:20; Eph. 2:8-9). Second, it means believing that Jesus paid the full penalty for your sins when he died on the cross (Isa. 53:1-12; 1 Peter 2:24-25). In essence, believing in Jesus means trusting that he exchanged the records with you at Calvary—that is, he took your sinful record on himself and paid for it in full, giving you his perfect record, which opens the way for peace with God. As you believe in Jesus, accept his gracious gift of salvation, and draw closer to him through the power of his Spirit, the study of his Word, the privilege of prayer, and the fellowship of his church, his peace can fill every part of your life (ibid, author’s emphasis).

Peace with Others

This type of peace is also called unity, which is “the presence of genuine harmony, understanding, and goodwill toward people” (p.46). This is what immediately follows after having obeyed the second great commandment, “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Matt. 22:39).

Peace within Yourself

“Internal peace is a sense of wholeness, contentment, tranquility, order, rest, and security…Genuine internal peace cannot be directly obtained through our own efforts; it is a gift that God gives only to those who believe in his Son and obey his commands (1 John 3:21-24)” (p.46).

Jesus’ Reputation Depends on Unity

What unity shows in the life of a Christian community is that you are not of this world, but you are sons of the Most High God (Matthew 5:9). What Sande continues to point out in this chapter is the direct relevance of our Gospel witness to our unity in our relationships within the body of Christ. It is a witness to a watching world that our kind of peace is deeper, purer, and more satisfying than the cheap imitation that is constantly portrayed in the media or at the theaters. Disunity in the church is a poor witness to our call for non-believers to come to Christ and be changed, when we don’t show it ourselves. In Jesus’ high priestly prayer (specifically verses 20-23), he had this in mind. Jesus prayed that his followers would get along with one another. This was so important to him that he tied his reputation and the credibility of his message to how well his followers would display unity and oneness” (p.48). In the oft-quoted passage (Matthew 13:34-35), “The love Jesus commands us to show to one another has little to do with warm feelings; in fact, he commands us to show love even when it is the last thing in the world we feel like doing (Luke 6:27-28)” (ibid). It becomes so important to Jesus how we relate to one another, that to enter into a church to offer worship to God would not please Him if we knew we were not right with a brother (1 John 4:19-21).

The Enemy of Peace

In thinking of our conflicts, we must not forget the lover of conflict, Satan, which means “adversary.” Among many things Satan does, what he loves to get involved in is our tension with one another:

Satan promotes conflict in many ways. Among other things, he tempts us so we give in to greed and dishonesty (Acts 5:3), he deceives us and misleads us (2 Tim. 2:25-26), and he takes advantage of unresolved anger (Eph. 4:26-27). Worst of all, he uses false teachers to propogate values and philosophies that encourage selfishness and stimulate controversy (1 Tim. 4:1-3). (p.51)

What Paul describes (in Eph. 6:13-18) as weapons in our arsenal that we readily have to withstand Satan’s power are:

1. Truth
2. Righteousness
3. The Gospel
4. Faith
5. Scripture
6. Prayer

Even though we shouldn’t blame Satan for all the conflicts that arise among us (since we must take responsibility for wrongs we have personally committed), we tend to overlook the role Satan plays and the influence he has in leading many astray (especially when Scripture reveals this to us).

Strive like a Gladiator

In passages like Romans 15: 5-7, 1 Corinthians 1:10, Galatians 5:19-22, Colossians 3:13, 15, and 1 Thessalonians 5:13b-15 show us is that the New Testament epistles have a heavy emphasis on obeying God in your peacemaking. In Ephesians 4:1-3, Paul uses the word that is translated “make every effort” in the NIV (“eager” in ESV), which means “to strive eagerly, earnestly, and diligently” (p.52). It’s to be done with the same rigor as that of a trainer of gladiator would use when sending men into battle: “’Make every effort to stay alive today!’” (ibid) This is not a passive exercise of pretending things are ok yet never dealt with, or forced to be dealt with in a cold fashion. Peacemaking is the means to an end—Christlikeness, or a display of the Gospel, and neither is easy to show.

We also need to avoid the idea that unity is equal to uniformity. That isn’t the position of Paul in Eph. 4:7-13, since many in the church have a different set of gifts or talents, which is how God distributes His gifts, and that we can hold, as Rom. 14:1 says, different views on “disputable matters” in the NIV (“opinions” in ESV). However, it must not be done in a way which, if you remember from FOF, can grieve (Eph. 4:30) or quench (1 Thess. 5:19) the Holy Spirit.

Lawsuits among Believers

Peace and unity among Christians is so essential to our witness for Christ that God commands us to take unresolved legal issues to the church rather than to the civil courts. Many pastors have neglected to teach regularly on the this passage, so most Christians are completely unaware of this command or believe that it no longer applies. Worse yet, many churches deliberately ignore this passage and do nothing to help their members settle their legal disputes in a biblical manner (p.54, after quoting 1 Cor. 6:1-8)

Having lawsuits among professing Christians not only shows a lack of peacemaking promoted in the church, but also a lack of help for Christians in their conflicts, as well as a further black eye to the church’s testimony of Christ. What Jesus has taught about conflict in Matthew 18:15-20 should serve as a launching pad of loving confronting among the body. With lawsuits, relationships can be seriously damaged, whereas the church can more readily provide and foster forgiveness and reconciliation to one another. What lawsuits resolves are issues of “awarding damages, transferring property, or enforcing a contract” (p.56), not the root cause of all conflict: our sin. Once that is dealt with, material issues become more easy to deal with.

By going to the church, our witness of Christ and His power to change sinners can draw more attention to Him than anything else. It is an evangelistic tool at our disposal: revealing the life-changing power of the Gospel to do what the world tries but simply imitates: real peace. Peace with one another, which comes from a peace with the true God of Scripture, and leads also to a peace within, since it’s birth from a peace outside us, and that’s the only peace that lasts.

by Cesar Vigil-Ruiz

Editor’s Note: you can listen to the class and download the handout.

Working under the 4 G’s of peacemaking, Ken Sande offers three chapters for each one to help us get a better idea of how to become biblical peacemakers. As he writes in the preface, “The primary focus of this book…will be on how God can help you as an individual Christian throw off worldly ideas about resolving conflict and become a true peacemaker” (p.15). Part 1, entitled ‘Glorify God,’ starts off with a chapter that argues for a new look at conflict that will revolutionize the way we look at we encounter on a regular basis. Instead of seeing conflict in a negative light, Sande highlights the idea that “conflict is an opportunity to solve common problems in a way that honors God and offers benefits to those involved” (p.22).

He then sets forth The Slippery Slope of Conflict, which you can see below:

There are three basic ways all people respond to conflict when it arises: escape, attack, and peacemaking. To escape means “[p]eople tend to use these responses when they are more interested in avoiding a conflict than in resolving it” (p.23). It shows up in three different ways:

1. Denial in pretending a conflict does not exist or refusal to do what is necessary (Gen. 16:1-6; 1 Sam. 2:22-25)
2. Flight by running away from a conflict (Gen. 16:6-8; 1 Sam. 19:9-10)
3. Suicide when they lose all hope of resolving a conflict and taking their own life (1 Sam. 31:4)

To attack is in relation to “people who are more interested in winning a conflict than in preserving a relationship” (p.24). These also show up in three different ways:

1. Assault with different forms of force/intimidation whether verbal, physical or financial (Acts 6:8-15)2.
2. Litigation by taking them to court (Acts 24:1-26:32; Rom. 13:1-5)3.
3. Murder by killing those who oppose them (Acts 7:54-58; 1 Jn. 3:15; Mat. 5:21-22)

To make peace is what is “commanded by God, empowered by the gospel, and directed toward finding just and mutually agreeable solutions to conflict” (p.25), which shows up in six ways:

Personal Peacemaking (personal/private)

1. Overlook an offense in insignificant disputes (Pro. 19:11; 12:16; 17:14; Col. 3:13; 1 Pet. 4:8)
2. Reconciliation by confession, loving correction, and forgiveness (Mat. 5:23-24; Pro. 28:13; Gal. 6:1; Mat. 18:15; Col. 3:13)
3. Negotiation by dealing with material issues related to money, property, or other rights, and not just personal ones (Phil. 2:4)

Assisted Peacemaking (outside the conflicted parties)

1. Mediation by asking one or more objective person(s) outside the conflict to be able to communicate and seek possible solutions (Mat. 18:16)
2. Arbitration by asking one or more person(s) to hear the cases on both sides and make a decision that is binding (for material cases; 1 Cor. 6:4)
3. Accountability by involving church leaders to hold one responsible to the word of God in seeking repentance, justice and forgiveness (Mat. 18:17)

Tendencies in failing to resolve conflicts biblically include going from private responses (escape) to public responses (attack). Taking the extreme road on either side leads to death (escape by committing suicide or attack by murdering the other). To escape is to focus on ‘me’ (peace-faker); to attack is to focus on ‘you’ (peace-faker); to go the biblical route is to focus on ‘we’ (peace-maker).

To know how to deal with conflict, we have to look at conflict in a biblical way, which Sande defines as “a difference in opinion or purpose that frustrates someone’s goals or desires” (p.29). The four primary causes are as follows:

1. Poor communication (Josh. 22:10-34)
2. Differences in values, goals, gifts, calling, priorities, expectations, interests, or opinions (Acts 15:39; 1 Cor. 12:12-31)
3. Competition over limited resources, like time or money (Gen. 13:1-12)
4. Sinful attitudes and habits that lead to sinful words and actions (Jas. 4:1-2)

What is helpful to keep in mind is that there are healthy conflicts that come from a creative God who gifts His people differently, as well as us having personal preferences (1 Cor. 12:21-31), while we pursue unity in the body and not uniformity (Eph. 4:1-13).

From our sinful hearts, many of our conflicts will not that way, and so must look to God’s Word to go about it in a way that is pleasing to Him. By looking at conflicts in a different light, we see that becomes an opportunity to:

Glorify God

• Trusting Him (Pro. 3:5-7)
• Obeying Him (Mat. 5:16; Jn. 17:4; Phil. 1:9-10; Jn. 15:8; 14:15-31)
• Imitating Him (Eph. 5:1-2; 1 Jn. 2:6; Phil. 1:9-11; 1 Pet. 2:12)
• Acknowledging Him (Phil. 2:13; 1 Pet. 3:14-16)

Serve Others

• Help an opponent understand his interests and find better solutions than if he sought them by himself (Phil. 2:3-4)
• Carry your opponents’ burdens by providing for their spiritual, emotional, or material needs (Gal. 6:2, 9-10)
• Help others learn where they have been wrong and need to change (Gal. 6:1-2)
• Encourage others to trust in Christ (1 Pet. 3:15-16)
• Teach and encourage others by your example (1 Cor. 4:12-13, 16; 1 Tim. 4:12; Titus 2:7)

Grow to Be like Christ

• God uses conflict to make you more like His Son (Rom. 8:28-29; 2 Cor. 12:7-10; Luke 22:41-44)
• God uses conflict to expose sinful attitudes/habits in your life (Psa. 119:67)
• God uses conflict to get you to draw on His grace and practice new attitudes/habits

To steward conflicts involves the life of one who “is expected to follow his master’s instructions and look out for his master’s interests, even if they conflict with his own personal desires or convenience” (p.38), which leads to a few character traits he ends the chapter with:

• Motivated
• Informed
• Strengthened
• Dependent
• Faithful

by Stephen Rodgers

As many of you know, we recently began going through Ken Sande’s book The Peacemaker as a church during our second-hour service.  (I believe that the Grace Life ministry is going through Peacemaking for Families).  To take advantage of this opportunity, we at the Beacon wanted to do our part to create something of a reference for the church; a series of posts that could be looked back on to remind ourselves of the key principles of the classes.

To that end, starting next week, Cesar Vigil-Ruiz will begin a series of articles that correspond to the class.  Just as we’re going through a chapter a week in church, he’ll focus on a chapter a week here at the Beacon.  We will not be doing this concurrently with the classes at church, and there are a few reasons for that:

1. The classes at church are subject to some minor scheduling issues; for example, we don’t meet during the weeks that the College Life ministry or the Singles Life ministry have their annual retreats.  The Beacon doesn’t take those kind of breaks, so we wanted to be able to set a smooth schedule.  This means letting the classes get a little ahead of us before we start our series.
2. People tend to retain information better over the long-term when they have repeated exposure to the material, as opposed to merely intense exposure.  This is why most people who cram for an exam (in any subject), tend to forget the material shortly thereafter, but people who continuously expose themselves to the material time after time tend to remember it.  Our hope is that by having a gap of 2-3 weeks between the class at church and the article here, we’ll be able to serve in that way.
3. Last but not least, this gives us time to gather up all the class-related material (audio recordings, notes, Powerpoint presentations, etc.) and make them available to you along with the article.

JP Moreland once wrote (Love Your God with All Your Mind) that the study of a book begins not with reading the first page, but with reading the table of contents.  To that end, I’d like to give you a very brief outline of the structure of the book, and how the 12 chapters line up with the famous (at least at our church) “4 G’s of Peacemaking.”

This won’t have much original material (after all, Peacemaker Ministries puts this all on their website), but I think it will be helpful to understand what’s ahead.

The Four G’s

Conflict is not necessarily bad or destructive. Even when conflict is caused by sin and causes a great deal of stress, God can use it for good (see Rom 8:28-29). As the Apostle Paul wrote in 1 Cor 10:31-11:1, conflict actually provides three significant opportunities. By God’s grace, you can use conflict to:

• Glorify God (by trusting, obeying, and imitating Him)
• Serve other people (by helping to bear their burdens or by confronting them in love)
• Grow to be like Christ (by confessing sin and turning from attitudes that promote conflict).

These concepts are totally overlooked in most conflicts because people naturally focus on escaping from the situation or overcoming their opponent. Therefore, it is wise to periodically step back from a conflict and ask yourself whether you are doing all that you can to take advantage of these special opportunities.

Part 1 – Glorify God (1 Cor 10:31)

Biblical peacemaking is motivated and guided by a deep desire to bring honor to God by revealing the reconciling love and power of Jesus Christ.  As we draw on His grace, follow His example, and put His teachings into practice, we can find freedom from the impulsive, self-centered decisions that make conflict worse, and bring praise to God by displaying the power of the Gospel in our lives.

This section includes the following chapters:

• Chapter 1 – Conflict Provides Opportunity
• Chapter 2 – Live at Peace
• Chapter 3 – Trust in the Lord and Do Good

Part 2 – Get the Log Out of Your Own Eye (Matt 7:5)

Attacking others only invites counterattacks. This is why Jesus  teaches us to face up to our own contributions to a conflict before we focus on what others have done.  When we overlook others’ minor offenses and honestly admit our own faults, our opponents will often respond in kind.  As tensions decrease, the way may be opened for sincere discussion, negotiation, and reconciliation.

This section includes the following chapters:

• Chapter 4 – Is This Really Worth Fighting Over?
• Chapter 5 – Conflict Starts in the Heart
• Chapter 6 – Confession Brings Freedom

Part 3 – Gently Restore (Gal 6:1)

When others fail to see their contributions to a conflict, sometimes we need to graciously show them their fault.  If they refuse to respond appropriately, Jesus calls us to involve respected friends, church leaders, or other objective individuals who can help us encourage repentance and restore peace.

This section includes the following chapters:

• Chapter 7 – Just Between the Two of You
• Chapter 8 – Speak the Truth in Love
• Chapter 9 – Take One or Two Others Along

Part 4 – Go and Be Reconciled (Matt 5:24)

Finally peacemaking involves a commitment to restoring damaged relationships and negotiating just agreements.  When we forgive others as Jesus has forgiven us and seek solutions that satisfy others’ interests as well as our own, the debris of conflict is cleared away and the door is opened for genuine peace.

This section includes the following chapters:

• Chapter 10 – Forgive as God Forgave You
• Chapter 11 – Look Also to the Interests of Others
• Chapter 12 – Overcome Evil with Good

I hope that overview is helpful in orienting yourself for where we’ll be going over the next couple months.  We’re looking forward to it.