Celebrating 20 Years at LBC San Diego

by Pastor Patrick Cho

While our Sunday services actually began in December 1998, this fledgling church was still getting things organized and figuring out how the various ministries were going to operate. Thus, the official inaugural Sunday for San Diego Lighthouse Bible Church was scheduled for May 2, 1999. It was a wonderful celebration seeing the ministry get off the ground. Pastor Chris Mueller came to preach for us, our first church leaders were installed, and our charter members were sworn in. Guests came in from all over to encourage us and celebrate together with us. There was a great feeling of jubilation that weekend!

A week later, the crowds were gone. Our small group of believers immediately felt the weight that comes with the daunting task of church planting in San Diego. While the group was significantly smaller, the worship was no less sincere. We were not just going through the motions of church ministry. We were offering our lives and service to the Lord.

We didn’t have everything figured out. We had no denominational affiliation nor were we planted by another church ministry, but we resolved to depend on the Lord every step of the way in faith and prayer. The church committed itself to maintaining a high view of God and a high view of His Word. We promised to be peacemakers and pursue God-honoring forgiveness and reconciliation in case of conflict. Our great desire was to shine the light of Christ in our community and even to the ends of the world.

Recently, the Lighthouse San Diego church family was overjoyed to celebrate 20 years of ministry. It is hard to believe that 20 years have gone by! Our anniversary weekend was a tremendous blessing especially because it was a sweet reunion and time of worship together with members visiting from all the Lighthouse churches. We were pleased to have both Dr. John MacArthur and Pastor John Kim preach for us. It was sweet to hear testimonies and words of encouragement from Pastors Mark Chin, James Lee, and John Kim, the other Lighthouse Alliance pastors. What a blessing to remember all the manifold displays of the Lord’s faithfulness over the years.

But now that a couple weeks have passed since that anniversary celebration, we are back to our normal routine. Sunday services and midweek fellowships continue. As the excitement of the major milestone wanes, it is good to remember once again what we committed to as a ministry from the outset: that we are not just going through the motions of church ministry. We are not simply maintaining some program. That in whatever we do, in whatever ways we serve, we offer that service to the Lord in worship.

What is most encouraging about being part of a church family that has changed drastically from the small group that met 20 years ago? Although many of the old faces have now moved away and a slew of new faces have come in, the people remain committed to making disciples of Jesus Christ, taking the gospel to the ends of the earth through church planting ministry, and establishing this ministry on our love for the Lord and for each other.

Praise God for how He has carried us these 20 years! Praise God for His unending faithfulness and love. Praise God for the truth that His purposes cannot fail and His church will prevail. We obviously don’t know what the next 20 years might bring. There will probably be some pretty encouraging and even amazing moments. There will probably also be some significant challenges. May the Lord continue to walk with us and give us the wisdom and strength to be faithful and endure even through hardship.

He Appeared First To Mary Magdalene

by Charles Haddon Spurgeon

Mark 16:9

Jesus ‘appeared first to Mary Magdalene,’ probably not only on account of her great love and persevering seeking, but because, as the context intimates, she had been a special trophy of Christ’s delivering power. Learn from this, that the greatness of our sin before conversion should not make us imagine that we may not be specially favoured with the very highest grade of fellowship.

She was one who had left all to become a constant attendant on the Saviour. He was her first, her chief object. Many who were on Christ’s side did not take up Christ’s cross; she did.

She spent her substance in relieving His wants. If we would see much of Christ, let us serve Him. Tell me who they are that sit oftenest under the banner of His love, and drink deepest draughts from the cup of communion, and I am sure they will be those who give most, who serve best, and who abide closest to the bleeding heart of their dear Lord.

But notice how Christ revealed Himself to this sorrowing one-by a word, ‘Mary.’ It needed but one word in His voice, and at once she knew Him, and her heart owned allegiance by another word, her heart was too full to say more. That one word would naturally be the most fitting for the occasion. It implies obedience. She said, ‘Master.’ There is no state of mind in which this confession of allegiance will be too cold. No, when your spirit glows most with the heavenly fire, then you will say, ‘I am Thy servant, Thou hast loosed my bonds.’ If you can say, ‘Master,’ if you feel that His will is your will, then you stand in a happy, holy place. He must have said, ‘Mary,’ or else you could not have said, ‘Rabboni.’

See, then, from all this, how Christ honours those who honour Him, how love draws our Beloved, how it needs but one word of His to turn our weeping to rejoicing, how His presence makes the heart’s sunshine.

7.15p

Weekly Links (5/31/2019)

“Why do we seek spectacles? Because we’re human—hardwired with an unquenchable appetite to see glory. Our hearts seek splendor as our eyes scan for greatness. We cannot help it. ‘The world aches to be awed. That ache was made for God. The world seeks it mainly through movies’—and in entertainment and politics and true crime and celebrity gossip and warfare and live sports. Unfortunately, we are all very easily conned into wasting our time on what adds no value to our lives. Aldous Huxley called it ‘man’s almost infinite appetite for distraction.'” (Tony Reinke, Competing Spectacles: Treasuring Christ in the Media Age)

by Cesar Vigil-Ruiz

Feliz Friday! I hope your week has been a blessed one of growth in Christlikeness. Here are this week’s links!

  • According to many in our culture today, science will eventually be able to explain away God as an explanation. Is this true? Christian apologist Tim Barnett gives a succinct answer that will move this conversation forward.
  • What are some of the false messages directed at Christian women today, and how can they deal with an increase in anxiety and depression amongst believers? Author Lydia Brownback is interviewed on The Crossway Podcast this week about these topics and more.
  • Pastor John MacArthur calls for every believer to pursue integrity relentlessly. May we all be faithful in this.
  • How should you move in a conversation, especially when offering counsel, when the person you’re talking to has a moral relativistic mindset? ACBC counselor Lucy Ann Moll gives some helpful wisdom for you to consider.
  • Is there benefit in using a certain cleaning method if Christ is not mentioned? Many have recently benefited from using the KonMari Method to cleaning their homes, but hold some reservations about some of her tips. Stephanie Anderson of Eternal Perspective Ministries points out the blessings of using Marie Kondo’s cleaning method, but suggests an examination of our own hearts to be a higher priority than the decluttering of our homes.
  • Whenever you hear of a personal quiet time, what comes to your mind? How does it look like in daily practice? Do you even have one? In their Making Disciples Podcast, Pastor Robby Gallaty provides some helpful tips for how to begin a quiet time, and why many don’t do it. I think this is one you shouldn’t pass up.
  • What does it mean to live well with others? Pastor Clint Archer explains 1 Peter 3:8 in answer to this question by laying out five characteristics of Christian relationships. I pray this is characteristic of every friendship within the body of Christ.
  • Joe Carter at The Gospel Coalition fact checks the claim that U.S. churches could take care of the orphan crisis alone. Whatever the numbers, we as a church should pray for those who are without one or both parents in need of care.
  • Kenneth Samples gave some family characteristics of secular naturalism in two parts. This week, he posted part two. Make sure to read part one!
  • Paul Tautges posted a snippet from Wayne Mack’s Your Family God’s Way, specifically 22 benefits of fearing God. Coming from a section specifically written for husbands, this applies to both men and women who fear the Lord. Very humbling, and very hopeful for every believer!

That’s all for this week! Please be in prayer for all who are meeting for flocks tonight and tomorrow. See you all on Sunday!

Soli Deo Gloria

God’s Wisdom for Parenting (Part 10)

by Pastor Patrick Cho

One of the places in Scripture to find a wealth of helpful principles for parenting is the Proverbs. Almost every book on parenting will reference these Scriptures repeatedly because of the wisdom they contain. Besides the plethora of verses that apply to parenting indirectly, several passages address parenting specifically.

A fool rejects his father’s discipline, but he who regards reproof is sensible. (Proverbs 15:5)

Returning to a familiar theme in Proverbs, the author once again warns against rejecting discipline and spurning reproof. The fool in Proverbs is always depicted as morally corrupt. His wickedness is demonstrated in his sinful acts as well as his evil speech. Consider the way a fool behaves: he delights in doing wickedness (10:23), displays anger (12:16), mocks at sin (14:9), is arrogant and careless (14:16), and quarrels with others (20:3). With his mouth, the fool has lying lips and spreads slander (10:18) and his lips bring strife (18:6). It is no wonder the Proverbs speak repeatedly of how the fool’s life will end in ruin.

The reason a fool behaves the way he does is because his heart is inclined to do evil. A man does as he thinks, and the fool acts consistently with the disposition of his heart. It stems from the revelation in Proverbs 1:7 that a fool despises understanding. He acts in a reprehensible way because he turns away from godly wisdom. Several times, the author of Proverbs communicates that parental discipline is a source of godly wisdom. One of the reasons a fool runs to ruin is because he does not listen to the counsel of his father and mother.

Sadly, this verse presents a sobering reality that your child may not ultimately do what is right even if you are diligently instructing him or her. While by God’s grace it is generally the pattern that faithful parenting will produce faithful children, there is no guarantee that a person’s children will be saved because of his parents’ efforts. A father may discipline his son and still see his son choose the way of the fool. It is imperative that as parents we pray diligently for God’s grace to save our children and to protect them from waywardness (cf. Prov. 1:32).

The last thought in this verse is that the one who “regards reproof is sensible.” I am always astounded when I meet with older men of the faith to talk about counseling cases or life circumstances that baffle me. Their ability to craftily work through the biblical principles that speak to the issue and demonstrate understanding and wisdom in knowing exactly what to do or how to think is impressive. This is the idea behind the word sensible. It can be translated “shrewd” or “prudent,” and is the exact opposite of the fool. One of the great goals of parenting is to invest in our children through our instruction and example so that they will grow in wisdom and develop the same shrewdness.

Weekly Links (5/24/2019)

“But make no mistake about it, truth alone is not enough either. Factual claims about God (or anything else for that matter) can sound like little more than ‘Blah, blah, blah’ if they are delivered apart from an authentic relationship with someone who truly cares about you. Theology and apologetics can seem empty if we don’t connect truth to how we live. God calls us to truth and relationship. He possesses and demonstrates the perfect balance between justice and mercy, law and grace.” (Sean McDowell & J. Warner Wallace, So the Next Generation Will Know: Preparing Young Christians for a Challenging World)

by Cesar Vigil-Ruiz

Feliz Friday! Here are this week’s links to lead you into Memorial Day weekend!

  • There is confusion about what occurs in an actual abortion procedure. Dr. Anthony Levatino used to perform abortions, and has given testimony to what occurs in an actual abortion procedure.
  • Philosopher of biology Paul Nelson reports on the ID the Future podcast on Cambridge University’s recent conference on the dissatisfaction some scientists are having with respect to modern neo-Darwinianism. Brazilian scientist Marcos Eberlin gives further evidence of foresight in solving problems that are necessary to make earth habitable, like water and lightning.
  • Martha Peace gives some counseling tips on the Truth in Love podcast, with the experience of 30 years as an ACBC certified counselor. This is definitely a must-listen.
  • On the Mortification of Spin podcast, Carl Trueman and Todd Pruitt talk about the extent of responsibility church leaders and members are to have with other people in the church, in light of the Poway synagogue shooting recently. Pray for our presence on social media to lead people closer to Christ, and not further away.
  • Astronomers David Block and Kenneth Freeman do some myth busting with respect to the relationship between science and faith. There’s five, so it’s short and sweet.
  • From his work on apologetics, R.C. Sproul wrote an encouraging post for the Christian to go on the offense when presenting the claims of Christ to those who don’t believe. Our goal is not to answer defensively in every encounter, but to point to the futility of unbelief and the superiority of the Christian faith.
  • Can a Christian lose their salvation? R.C. Sproul gave a good answer, and it’s still a good answer.
  • On this week’s Crossway Podcast, Desiring God communications director Tony Reinke is interviewed on his recommendation to do a digital detox (and what that means), discerning how to use social media as a habit, and even how Avengers: Endgame shows us how this world is filled with media.
  • Denny Burk points out in discussing the role of teaching in the church, there is a conflation between teaching and prophecy with respect to women. Keeping the distinction in view will clarify much about complementarianism as applied practically in the local church.
  • Author Aaron Armstrong writes of the bittersweet feeling that comes from no longer supporting a child through Compassion International, a sponsorship program designed with the aim to “release children from poverty in Jesus’ name.” This is definitely worth considering if you are thinking through supporting a child to be cared for financially and spiritually.
  • Do extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence? Find out in this interview with Christian philosopher Tim McGrew.

That’s all for this week! Pray for the youth and collegians, as they meet tonight for Bible study and fellowship. See you all on Sunday!

Soli Deo Gloria

The Fire Shall Ever Be Burning Upon The Altar

by Charles Haddon Spurgeon

Leviticus 6:13

Keep the altar of private prayer burning. This is the very life of all piety. The sanctuary and family altars borrow their fires here, therefore let this burn well. Secret devotion is the very essence, evidence, and barometer, of vital and experimental religion.

Burn here the fat of your sacrifices. Let your closet seasons be, if possible, regular, frequent, and undisturbed. Effectual prayer availeth much. Have you nothing to pray for? Let us suggest the Church, the ministry, your own soul, your children, your relations, your neighbours, your country, and the cause of God and truth throughout the world. Let us examine ourselves on this important matter. Do we engage with lukewarmness in private devotion? Is the fire of devotion burning dimly in our hearts? Do the chariot wheels drag heavily? If so, let us be alarmed at this sign of decay. Let us go with weeping, and ask for the Spirit of grace and of supplications. Let us set apart special seasons for extraordinary prayer. For if this fire should be smothered beneath the ashes of a worldly conformity, it will dim the fire on the family altar, and lessen our influence both in the Church and in the world.

The text will also apply to the altar of the heart. This is a golden altar indeed. God loves to see the hearts of His people glowing towards Himself. Let us give to God our hearts, all blazing with love, and seek His grace, that the fire may never be quenched; for it will not burn if the Lord does not keep it burning. Many foes will attempt to extinguish it; but if the unseen hand behind the wall pour thereon the sacred oil, it will blaze higher and higher. Let us use texts of Scripture as fuel for our heart’s fire, they are live coals; let us attend sermons, but above all, let us be much alone with Jesus.

7.15a

Weekly Links (5/17/2019)

“The hope of the church has never been its cultural footing; the hope of the church has always been the resurrection power of Christ. The power of the church has never been within its measure of people, but always in its measure of the Holy Spirit.“ (Daniel Henderson, Old Paths, New Power: Awakening Your Church through Prayer and the Ministry of the Word)

by Cesar Vigil-Ruiz

Feliz Friday! Another week wraps up, as we begin our celebration of LBCSD’s 20 year anniversary! But first, some links for your spiritual growth.

That’s all for this week! Please be in prayer for our 20th anniversary service tonight, as we celebrate God’s faithfulness these past two decades. See you all then (or Sunday)!

Soli Deo Gloria

Weekly Links (5/10/2019)

“The man is summoned by God to revere and protect the woman; the woman is summoned by God to respect and trust the man. This is the strongest argument in all the earth against masculine abuse and feminine distrust. Love is coded into the very body of the first man and the first woman.” (Owen Strachan & Gavin Peacock, The Grand Design: Male and Female He Made Them)

by Cesar Vigil-Ruiz

Feliz Friday! It’s Mexican Mother’s Day today, so let the fiesta begin with this week’s links!

  • 9Marks published their journal for the month of May. The topic? “Church Membership: Following the Lord Together.”
  • Abigail Dodds was interviewed on The Crossway Podcast this week, covering topics related to a biblical view of womanhood, including differences between manhood and womanhood according to Scripture, complementarianism, and how to discuss these issues from those who disagree. This looks to be a great conversation-starter.
  • Christian philosopher James Anderson points to a journal article, which was originally a lecture he gave last October, on the theological foundations of modern science. You can either read the article or watch the lecture.
  • For the moms out there, this post about Mother’s Day may challenge you to rethink the significance of that day.
  • When you feel weary from ministry, what causes you to feel that way? Maresa DePuy points to the common broken cisterns that we may all be tempted to drink from, and the living water that comes from Christ.
  • Brazilian biochemist Marcos Eberlin writes that the chicken-and-egg problem is extensive in biology, and points to a designer with the foresight capable of explaining these instances of causal circularity.
  • Over at the Desiring God blog, Executive Editor David Mathis writes about the attention we give to social media platforms, and the importance of focusing our eyes on Christ. John Piper gave a message on the invincible power of joy for world missions for cowards, consumers, and the comfortable. This week is the 204th anniversary of Andrew Fuller’s death, and Piper wrote of his influence on past (and current) missions work.
  • Overseas Instruction in Counseling Executive Director Wayne Vanderwier points out one of the most glaring deficiencies of the biblical counseling movement: a lack of requiring continuing education for certified counselors. After reading, you may end up agreeing yourself and ask God to help equip you to be more effective in your counsel. This is Part 1 (of 2), so be on the lookout for a detailed plan to address this blind spot.
  • What does the Bible say a godly wife needs to build a godly home? There’s at least eight tools that God provides in His Word. Stock up!
  • Jonathan Leeman interviews Pastor Greg Gilbert on what the gospel is, and what it is not. A very important topic. If you do not know what to say when sharing the gospel, this is the podcast worth listening to.

That’s all for this week! Please pray for the youth and collegians as they meet for Bible study tonight. See you all on Sunday, and wish your mom (or a mom) a happy Mother’s Day!

Soli Deo Gloria

Youth Retreat: Worshiping the Lord

by Sarah Andrews

This year, the youth went to Pine Valley for our annual retreat. Over the weekend we bonded over meal and snack time, games and football, and the study of God’s word. We even saw snow on Sunday morning! I am thankful for the quality time spent with the youth and the friendships built within the ministry. I pray that God may grant them spiritual wisdom and understanding about what it means to be a Christian and the new lives we have in Him.

We were blessed by the preaching of Pastor Andy Kang from Lighthouse Bible Church Los Angeles. The topic of the retreat was worshiping God, and he began by discussing what true worship is. In Isaiah 66, God is Creator and does not need anyone or anything to bring glory to Himself. He is displeased when His people worship false gods, but he favors “those who are humble and contrite in spirit, and who tremble at [His] word” (Isaiah 66:1-2). Humility is recognizing that we are sinful beings before a holy God.

In Psalm 51, David shows humility before God. He recognizes that he has broken God’s commandments, and confesses with guilt and shame. He asks that God may have mercy and cleanse him from all iniquities. God mercifully accepts “a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart” (verse 17).

Next, we discussed the reason for worship. We worship God because we recognize His worth. In Psalm 103, David praises God for his character, majesty and benefits. He is so holy that He cannot be anywhere near sin. Yet He is also full of forgiveness, love and compassion, and does not treat repentant people according to what they deserve. God knows we are mortal beings that are like dust, but “from everlasting to everlasting the Lord’s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children’s children” (Psalm 103:17). He who is holy and lives in heaven draws near to “the one who is contrite and lowly in spirit” (Isaiah 57:15). God is worthy of all worship and praise.

We also learned that there is a wrong way to worship God. In Matthew 15:1-20, the Pharisees criticized Jesus for breaking the Jewish tradition of washing hands before eating, and Jesus rebuked them for their hypocrisy. They pridefully performed their deeds to be seen by people, and they broke God’s greater commandments. God was displeased by their worship because they lacked humility before Him and a brokenness over their sin.

We continually fail to keep God’s commandments, but there is good news: Jesus has paid the penalty for our sins! Our deeds will never be sufficient to make us holy. Christ’s finished work on the cross is sufficient to cleanse us of sin so that God may see us as righteous. Christ removes all guilt and shame that we may have, and we are no longer condemned. When he was crucified, Jesus said “it is finished” (John 19:30) because He atones for the sins of all who believe in Him, and He reconciles sinful humans to a perfect God.

Lastly, we learned about manifestations of worship. God is pleased when we “offer our bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God” and “do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of [our minds].” When we turn away from deeds of the flesh and seek God’s “good, pleasing and perfect will” (Romans 12:1-2), God allows us to be “instruments for special purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work” (2 Timothy 2:21). The Holy Spirit is given to us when we are saved, and enables us to do the good works.

We are to worship God in spirit and in truth, and must rely on God’s word to know what pleases Him. Romans 12 gives examples of God’s commanded will. We are to serve members in the body of Christ; show love, preference and hospitality towards one another; and do good to our enemies, rather than repay evil for evil. It is important that we focus on worshiping God and having a humble and repentant heart, rather than seeking to impress others with external behavior.

Through their time in youth ministry, I pray that the youth will have a greater understanding of our position before God and the finished work of Christ. We must recognize that we are sinful before a perfect God, and there is nothing good we can do to make ourselves right with Him. Yet God loves us and sent Christ to pay the penalty for our sin. If we trust His finished work on the cross, we will not experience God’s wrath, and we are free of the shame and guilt that sin brings. We are free to worship God and live new lives empowered by his Holy Spirit. We have received every spiritual blessing in Christ (Ephesians 1:3-10) and are adopted into his family.

Praise God that as Christians, we are washed by His blood and able to worship Him!

The Harm of Harshness

by Pastor Patrick Cho

On Sunday mornings at Lighthouse, we have been walking through a biblical understanding of marriage. I hope it has been a helpful series and that whether you are married or single, you would live as a man or woman who seeks to honor Christ by being the man or woman He calls you to be. One of the specific topics we covered was the abuse of headship and the sin of being harsh towards your spouse. Specifically for husbands, godly leadership requires gentleness and tender affection (cf. Eph. 5:28-29; 1 Pet. 3:7). There is no biblical warrant for treating one’s spouse with harshness.

The call to biblical headship does not mean you can demean or insult your wife. It doesn’t mean your wife is a doormat for you to tread over. The position of biblical headship does not permit you to manipulate, use, or control your wife. Before her call to submit to you, she has been called to submit to her Lord and Savior. She should be expected to come alongside you to help you, even if that means lovingly and graciously correcting you and calling out sin in your life. Of course, wives can also be harsh towards their husbands. By the grace of God, Scripture is sufficient to walk us through repentance. What does this look like?

Whether you have a habit of harshness towards your spouse or you are looking to turn from a single instance, here are some steps to help you respond in a God-honoring way:

1. Confess your sin to God.

  • Understand that your sin is first and foremost offensive to God’s holiness.
  • Sadly, we are often more at ease confessing our sins to a holy God than to other sinners.
  • Bear in mind that prolonged, unrepentant sin may be a sign of unbelief. In light of ongoing unrepentant sin, it is important to evaluate whether or not you are in the Lord.
  • Stop making excuses for yourself. Stop blaming others. Stop blaming your past. Own your sin and confess it honestly, thoroughly, specifically, and humbly.

2. Confess your sin to your spouse.

  • This is about being a biblical peacemaker.
  • For the glory of Christ, get the log out of your own eye (Matt. 7:3-5).
  • It is important that you see your sin for what it is. Cultivate a heart to hate what God hates.
  • You may have developed a pattern of telling your spouse that he or she is the real problem in your marriage. Even if your spouse has issues that need to be addressed, it does not justify your harsh treatment of them.
  • Show your spouse that you can own your faults. That can instill hope in the relationship.

3. Confess your sin to others.

  • This isn’t about shaming you and exposing your faults. It is about getting the help and accountability that you desperately need. Sin loves to remain in the dark, but we are called to be children of light (Eph. 5:8, 11).
  • Do you feel guilty about the way you treat your spouse? Or do you feel justified?
  • Don’t allow your sin to remain hidden. Talk to a church leader, a small group leader, or an accountability partner. Be sure to talk to someone who will treat your sin seriously.
  • Watch out for a heart of self-preservation.

4. Get good accountability.

  • Consider seeking biblical counseling through the church or an outside counselor.
  • Especially if this is a consistent sin that has persisted for some time or if it has caused significant damage to your relationship, do not continue living as if you have the strength to stand alone.
  • The Lord has given the church to one another as a gift of grace. This is one of the reasons He calls us into a body.

5. Study passages of Scripture about anger, oppression, gentleness, humility, self-control, and love.

  • Get in the Word. Let your mind be bathed in Scripture. Know clearly and specifically what God thinks of your sin and how He expects you as His child to respond to it.
  • Understand better what God’s will is for your life. Remember that ultimately you are living not for yourself or your spouse or your marriage, but in obedience to Him because He is God.
  • Consider walking through good books addressing the topic of anger and abuse. Do this with your accountability partner.

6. Develop good habits.

  • The process of sanctification often involves putting off sinful thinking, behavior, and speech, and replacing it with what is Spirit-filled, God-glorifying, and edifying to others (Eph. 4:22-24).
  • Put off the poisoning speech of harshness and instead affirm your spouse. Use your tongue to build up and not tear down (Eph. 5:29).
  • Instead of complaining about how your spouse fails to meet your expectations, give of yourself and serve your spouse.
  • Practice dying to yourself. This is understandably difficult in application. Learn to give up “you” time to spend with your spouse. Convince her that your marriage is a priority to you.
  • Get in the habit of talking about spiritual things – what you are reading, learning, being challenged in, etc. One practical way is to talk through the Sunday sermon during lunch after church. You can do this alone, as a couple, or with others.
  • Pray daily with your spouse (not counting meal times).

7. Serve in the church.

  • The heart of harsh or abusive treatment of others is self-centered pride.
  • Turn away from that sin – call it what it is, hate it, and purge it from you.
  • Replace it with a love to God and to others.
  • Self-orientation can be replaced with God-orientation and others-orientation (Matt. 22:37-40).
  • Serving others with a right attitude is a practical way to show biblical love and to take your heart’s focus away from yourself (Phil. 2:3-4).

8. Rest in the hope of Christ.

  • Trust in God’s forgiveness.
  • Believe that the Spirit can cause you to change.
  • Hope in the fact that your marriage can be sweet and beautiful.
  • By loving your spouse the way God calls you to love him or her, it may motivate your wife to submit to your lead more willingly and joyfully, or your husband to lead with greater godliness and love.
  • Keep in mind that you and your spouse will not be perfect through this process. There will be setbacks, backsliding, and stumbling, but don’t lose heart. Trust that God is working it out in His time and plan.

Remember that we can’t do this on our own. Our hearts are naturally inclined to rebel. We need the gospel and the Spirit of God to transform us. But in Christ, we can think differently and live differently. Do you know Jesus? Do you trust Him? Whether you are married or single, male or female, you need Jesus. Pray that the Lord would be gracious to bring about this change in you (before focusing on how your spouse or others need to change), patiently waiting on Him to strengthen your bond.