Singles Update: Unequally Yoked

by Herman Wang

Attending Single Life Ministry Bible Study on Wednesday nights is always a joy and blessing for me. Gathering together with fellow believers to worship God and hear his Word preached in the middle of the week and being able to apply what I have learned the very next day at work are tremendous blessings. Recently, Elder Johnny Kim spoke about what it means to separate ourselves from non-believers, the reason why we should separate ourselves from non-believers, and the blessings that come from obeying this command in 2 Corinthians 6:14-18:

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said,
“I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them,
and I will be their God,
and they shall be my people.
Therefore go out from their midst,
and be separate from them, says the Lord,
and touch no unclean thing;
then I will welcome you,
and I will be a father to you,
and you shall be sons and daughters to me,
says the Lord Almighty.”

I’m glad that Johnny reminded me that what this command doesn’t mean is to be totally disengaged with non-believers. As Christians, we are to evangelize to non-believers (Matthew 28:18-20) which require talking to and engaging with non-believers. If that were not so, then there is no reason for us to remain on earth after being born again. As Johnny explained, we would be better off in Heaven where we can perfectly worship God. But the truth is God keeps us here on earth to do the ministry of evangelism, which requires engaging with the lost.

So what does it mean to be unequally yoked with a non-believer? A yoke is a wooden frame that is placed over the necks of two animals for the purpose of achieving a common goal. In Deuteronomy 22:10, God forbade an ox and a donkey to be yoked together because two animals of different kinds have incompatible natures. 2 Corinthians 6 alludes to this but is specifically directed towards spiritual activities. A believer and non-believer are not to partner together in spiritual activities and pursuits. The reason is that a believer and a non-believer are complete polar opposites when it comes to spiritual nature. Paul compared a believer and non-believer with righteousness and lawlessness, light and darkness, Jesus and Satan.

I remember growing up watching “Super Friends” on Saturday mornings, and there was this super villain named Bizarro. He was created when Superman was subjected to a “duplicate ray” and was a mirror image of Superman with all of Superman’s powers, but was Superman’s exact opposite: Superman was good, and Bizarro was evil. I imagine what would happen if a similar thing happened to me where the person that I was before I was born again were to appear before me and asked me to hang out and do all of the things that I used to do. If I were to comply, then I would be going back to my old ways of life. But as Paul stated in Colossians 3:3, I have died to my old self and my life is now in Christ. So if I were to have any fellowship with that old self, an unbeliever, then that is how I would see myself being unequally yoked.

This is a good reminder of being mindful of who we are, that we have taken the yoke of Christ (Matthew 11:28-30), that we are united with Him. And for us to be yoked with an unbeliever, whether it be in marriage or some other spiritual enterprise, would be as if Christ were united with an unbeliever in that same spiritual enterprise, and that would be sin.

@LBC (5/27/2015)

by David Zhang

Sermons

Hold Fast by Pastor Patrick (Titus 1:9)

    • This past Sunday Patrick continues the Titus series focusing on the connection between an elder…or any Christian for that matter…and the Word of God.

4 Aspects of Christian Giving We Should Consider by Johnny Kim 

  •  Come check out the attitude we should have regarding money as Believers!

Special Feature

In light of that sermon, you might want to check out a book review by Patrick on J. Oswald Sander’s Spiritual Leadership.

Theology and Practice of Corporate Worship (Part 1)

by Pastor Jim Kang

The fundamental reason  we exist is to glorify God. Perhaps the best biblical summation is found in 1 Corinthians 10:31: “Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” In fact, at the onset the Westminster Catechism teaches that man’s chief end is to glorify God. This is not only true individually as a Christian, but also corporately as a church. But the million dollar question is how? How can the local church glorify God?

I don’t know of any church whose mission statement says that they exist to defame the glory of God. That would be ridiculous. Even the churches that are theologically liberal, unhealthy, unbiblical, or even unorthodox would not dare to say they exist to defame the glory of God. However, the truth of the matter is there are churches that do not glorify God by their practice. It is one thing to say you want to glorify God, yet fail to do so by malpractice. Jesus said, “You will know them by their fruits” (Matthew 7:16,20).

The fundamental difference between glorifying and unglorifying churches is whether God-centeredness is both the goal and the means. That is, if the goal is to glorify God, then the means or the methods has to be consistently God-honoring too. You cannot just say you want to honor God and choose methods or means that would deny such goal. Hence, the heart of true Christianity and true Christian churches is the desire to glorify God and to do so by God-honoring ways. In other words, both theology and practice have to be utterly God-centered, God-ward, and God-honoring.

That is the heart of Christianity. Everything is about God, for God, and to God. It breathes the glory, the majesty, and the sovereignty of God, and puts not so glorious, not so majestic, and certainly not so sovereign man into its proper place. Here’s one example of such theocentric aspect of worship in prayer:

“Yours, O LORD, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the victory and the majesty, indeed everything that is in the heavens and the earth; Yours is the dominion, O LORD, and You exalt Yourself as head over all.” (1 Chronicles 29:11)

Churches that joyfully embrace and practice the Bible believe that one of the ways in which the local church can glorify God is through corporate worship. Historically, churches believe that the public gathering as a church on the Lord’s Day is the most meaningful and visible way of honoring God. There is no other place, day, and time that is more important for Christians than worshiping God together on the Lord’s Day.

However, how should the church be worshiping when we come together? What is it that we should be doing during worship? Even more fundamentally, what is worship? What is corporate worship? And what drives our corporate worship?

These are important questions that we cannot ignore. Hence, I want to bring some clarity in the next several posts by raising simple journalistic questions, namely who, why, when, where, what, and how in regards to worship.

Stay tuned for Part 2: Who Should Worship?

And All The Children Of Israel Murmured

by Charles Haddon Spurgeon

Numbers 14:2

There are murmurers amongst Christians now, as there were in the camp of Israel of old. There are those who, when the rod falls, cry out against the afflictive dispensation. They ask, ‘Why am I thus afflicted? What have I done to be chastened in this manner?’

A word with thee, O murmurer! Why shouldst thou murmur against the dispensations of thy heavenly Father? Can He treat thee more hardly than thou deservest? Consider what a rebel thou wast once, but He has pardoned thee! Surely, if He in His wisdom sees fit now to chasten thee, thou shouldst not complain. After all, art thou smitten as hardly as thy sins deserve? Consider the corruption which is in thy breast, and then wilt thou wonder that there needs so much of the rod to fetch it out? Weigh thyself, and discern how much dross is mingled with thy gold; and dost thou think the fire too hot to purge away so much dross as thou hast? Does not that proud rebellious spirit of thine prove that thy heart is not thoroughly sanctified? Are not those murmuring words contrary to the holy submissive nature of God’s children? Is not the correction needed? But if thou wilt murmur against the chastening, take heed, for it will go hard with murmurers. God always chastises His children twice, if they do not bear the first stroke patiently. But know one thing-‘He doth not afflict willingly, nor grieve the children of men.’ All His corrections are sent in love, to purify thee, and to draw thee nearer to Himself.

Surely it must help thee to bear the chastening with resignation if thou art able to recognize thy Father’s hand. For ‘whom the Lord loveth He chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom He receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons.’ ‘Murmur not as some of them also murmured and were destroyed of the destroyer.’

4.30a

Weekly Links (5/22/2015)

[I]t should grieve us when Jesus is not adored, not worshipped, when his glory is not acknowledged— when he is ignored, sidelined and derided. It should grieve us when that happens in our hearts and lives; and when it happens in the hearts and lives of those around us. (Rico Tice, Honest Evangelism)

by Cesar Vigil-Ruiz

Feliz Friday! In preparation for the long weekend, here are this week’s links!

  • Desert Springs Church recently held a regional conference for The Gospel Coalition that addressed the topic of preaching. The goal was to gain a better understanding of what preaching is, how it works, and what it does. All of this was designed to better prepare the church to know how to listen to a sermon in their own respective churches. Spiritual food for thought (and action).
  • If you have ever taught the Bible or would like to in the near future, wouldn’t you like to know how to teach it well? Popular Bible teacher Nancy Guthrie has begun a new podcast called Help Me Teach the Bible where she interviews different pastors, asking them specific questions that help believers learn how to teach a book of the Bible in your church. Her first interview is with John Piper on the book of Philippians.
  • Engaging in discussion with Muslims is typically not a common thing Christians do, probably to our shame. How can we reach Muslims for Christ? St. Helen’s Bishopgate, a church in London, has begun posting videos that introduce Islam to Christians in the hopes that Christians will be better equipped to engage Muslims in conversation within the context of friendship. For a deeper discussion, Dr. James White gave a presentation on Islam and Inerrancy from the TMAI Symposium that would well worth your time.
  • If you have spoken to a Roman Catholic about their beliefs, praying to the saints will likely come up. What is Rome’s official teaching, and how does it square with Scripture? Eric Davis gives a careful analysis that will help.
  • A recent debate took place with regards to abortion, and how best to end it: either incrementally or immediately. Scott Klusendorf, of the Life Training Institute, wrote an insightful commentary that lays out the issue and how to proceed.
  • What happens when you turn friendship into more than it was designed to be? Probably more than you might initially think.
  • Is it arrogant to claim to know God? Christian philosopher James Anderson doesn’t think so. Check out his response.

That’s all for this week! Let us give thanks to God for the men and women who have died serving this country, never neglecting their sacrifice. Let us also be pointed to the ultimate sacrifice in Christ, who gave His life as a ransom for many.

Soli Deo Gloria

Making Sense of Money

by Roger Alcaraz

Some people will tell me they’re poor, and I sympathize with them. I know what it’s like to have everyone around me showing off their latest toys while I watch in envy. But if we take a step outside of our American borders and compare ourselves to most of the rest of the world, it’s safe to say one thing. We are rich! Even making minimum wage will put you in the top 10% of the world’s richest people.

But is that so bad? Well, no, but it should cause us to meditate deeply on Scripture dealing with money, especially when Jesus said, “ It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God” (Mark 10 25). The person who walked away from Jesus had far less riches than we do. But is this a call for us to sell all of our own possessions and become poor? The truth is, God doesn’t care how much money you have, but he cares about how much you love it.

This is because the love for money and for God are completely at odds with each other. You cannot love both. The pursuit of money, in itself, will never bring you closer to God, but it can very easily take you away from God. I think most of us know this, but how can we protect ourselves from this forbidden love?

Matthew 6:21 answers that very question, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” In saying it this way, Jesus gives us a warning. This is commonly interpreted as “where your treasure is is just a reflection of where your heart is.” And this would be a true statement. But there is another truth–that the things you begin to invest in, those are the things your heart will then chase after. Where your treasure is could be a reflection of where your heart is already, but it could also be a reflection of where your heart is going. In other words, your actions reflect the heart, but they also affect the heart.

Jesus is talking about a slow fade, where you find yourself gradually pursuing more and more of your own pleasure and spending money on empty things that will perish until one day, without realizing it, your heart has followed your actions to the point where the pursuit of material possessions is what defines you. So what can you do to protect yourself from the love of money? The answer is: be a good steward of it and handle it rightly.

An example in my own life happened recently. A few weeks ago, my car was illegally towed and I was out $300. I was also looking at buying a TV for our home around that time. I found one on Amazon and considered buying it. Nothing extravagant, but I was getting tired of having guests come over to watch a movie only to crowd around my laptop saying, “What did he say?” “I can’t see.” “Shhh!”

Guess how much the TV I wanted was? $271. And so you might think that I’d be angry when someone illegally towed my car and essentially robbed me of the TV I wanted. But I wasn’t angry at all. You see, my wife and I give regularly to church as a form of worship but one of the amazing effects of it is that we protect ourselves from the love of money. I’m used to seeing money as not my own and having a loose grip on it. If I had built up a habit of thinking this is MY money, then, yes, I would have been furious. In this scenario, the habits I developed actually protected my heart from loving money.

This isn’t to say that the godlier you are the poorer you should expect to be. When I was in seminary, there was almost a competition amongst the seminarians as to how poor one could be, almost equating being poor to godliness. People would come in eating their Cup-O-Noodles saying, “Fourth straight day eating this.” Another guy would then say, “That’s nothing. I haven’t eaten in a week!”

But Jesus isn’t talking about how much money you have. What he is concerned about is who is your master. And it’s not enough just to say you don’t love money. What do your actions say? Do you give to those in need and to your church? When you give, is it done joyfully?

There’s no command in the New Testament for how much you need to be giving, but a principle for giving is that it’s done sacrificially, as seen in the book of Acts. People sold their homes so that all the needs of the church were met. We are also called to give joyfully, as Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 9:7, “Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” And the promise spoken after this verse is that we can give joyfully and without worrying because God will supply us with all of our needs.

Now I know it can be difficult to give up your money when you are a collegian and you’re not exactly raking in the big bucks. But I would say now, more than ever, you have an opportunity to worship God with your money. The way you handle your money is a form of worship. That’s why at our church, we sing songs of worship during the offering time, because how we give is just a continuation of worship. For a collegian with a lot of bills and not a lot of income, your capacity to worship with your money is even greater. In Luke 21:1-4, Jesus saw a poor widow offer a tiny amount, but it was all she had and yet Jesus commended her, even though she gave less monetarily.

If you say that you want the gospel to reach the ends of the earth and the people in your life, but your bank statement indicates that all you really care about is how your stomach is filled and how nice your clothes are, then your words are empty.

My encouragement to you is that you should give. Even if it is difficult, even if it’s not a lot, do so joyfully knowing:

  1. God will provide for all of your needs,
  2. as you give, you’re laying for yourself eternal treasures,
  3. it is an act of worship unto God, and
  4. it can be the very thing that saves you from the love of money.

With all these blessings in store, it’s no wonder why Jesus says it is better to give than to receive.

@LBC (5/20/2014)

by David Zhang

Sermons

Follow the Leader 2 by Pastor Patrick (Titus 1:8)

      • This past Sunday Patrick spoke about the 6 character qualifications of spiritual leaders that all believers should desire to possess. How will you rate for each of these qualities?

What Does True Repentance look Like? by Kevin Tse (2 Corinthians 7:7-13)

  •  This week for Singles, Kevin Tse spoke about the 3 elements of true repentance. Do you hate sin as much as God does? If so, what are you doing about it?

Special Feature

The video of the 2015 Banquet slide show is up.

What Do We Do With Our Body?

by Pastor Mark Chin

How are we, as Christians living in the twenty first century, to consider and care for our physical bodies and our health? Historically, concerns such as these have often been neglected or ignored by the Church, being deemed of secondary importance, especially in light of the more pressing battles over such fundamental doctrines of the faith as the deity of Christ, the Trinity, the atonement, justification by faith, or the inspiration of Scripture. Many would argue that such neglect is the fruit of a Western Christianity that has historically leaned heavily upon a Platonic paradigm for its anthropological view of human nature, one that exalts the immaterial soul and disparages the material body, making the body and matters of health unworthy of serious theological consideration.[1] Whatever the reasons, the consequence of such neglect by the Church has frequently resulted in dogma, ethics, and praxis for the human body and health that are frequently informed and driven as much, if not more, by the prevailing culture, philosophy, or worldview of the societies we live in, rather than by the Word we profess to be authoritative and sufficient for the entirety of our human existence.

The modern and post-modern eras have been no exception to this pattern. Since the advent of the Enlightenment and the rise of the modern scientific worldview in the West, the answers to the questions posed above, have been increasingly informed by the scientific method, the physical discoveries, and the naturalist[2] conclusions of the clinical sciences. Conclusions so derived have, in turn, increasingly challenged the orthodox Christian worldview, especially its understanding of what it means to be human. The human body, as a modern scientific concept, has increasingly come to define who we are as persons and as human beings in the West, along with the ethics that govern our lives. Clinical scientists have become the prophets and theologians of the West and physicians have become our pastors and priests, the arbiters of life, death, and truth as it pertains to the natural world and human existence.

Such a trend shows no sign of abatement even in the postmodern era. Nowhere is this trend exemplified more than in the present scientific study of the brain. Fueled by the technological wonders of brain imaging that have begun to locate capacities once attributed to the human soul (cognition, behavior, and emotions) in various parts of the brain, the emerging wonder-field of neuroscience now hopes to provide a molecular and biological explanation for God, faith, and the soul in the higher functions of the human brain.[3] Our modern understanding of the body claims to explain and define not merely us, as human beings, but, allegedly, our faith and God as well. Clearly the body and its affairs are no longer things of secondary importance for the Christian community.

For many in the realm of contemporary Christian scholarship, such neuroscientific contributions to the anthropology and theology of the human body have been invaluable in shaping a more “accurate” understanding of the human body and what was once traditionally referred to as “the human soul.” This is evidenced by the increasing popularity of the physicalist position on human nature among Christian scholars.[4] In light of contemporary biblical scholarship understood within the context of the most recent neuroscientific evidence, this position argues that there “is no metaphysical element such as a mind or soul or spirit.”[5] Instead, human beings are monadic, allegedly composed of one “part” only—the physical body.[6] Simply put by Nancey Murphy, perhaps the foremost spokesperson for this position within Christian scholarship, we are not “immortal souls temporarily housed in physical bodies” but rather “we are our bodies.”[7] The consequences of such an understanding of the human body for the Church is not insignificant. As Nancey Murphy notes, such an understanding of the human body clearly challenges believers to rethink traditional Christian understandings of God, the Incarnation, the Trinity, salvation, sanctification, and the resurrection – doctrines of primary importance to the faith.[8]

Much of conservative evangelical Christianity in America, from the pulpit to the pew, have found such discussions to be too esoteric and complicated, having little direct relevance or practical value for one’s personal faith in Jesus Christ. Questions concerning the theology of the human body are frequently ignored—until one is forced to consider them out of medical necessity. Then, by default, they are often informed primarily by the conventional wisdom of the prevailing culture. The result has been a chaotic and confused compartmentalized Christian praxis and ethics that attempt to separate matters of faith from matters of the body. Christian praxis in matters of the human body frequently reflects either a Gnostic type dualism that ignores, neglects, or punishes the human body as the enemy of the soul and the repository of sin on the one hand or, on the other, a practical materialism that celebrates the body as the primary determinant of the entirety of life, including addiction, sexuality, emotional state, behavior, spirituality, and well-being (in short, the entirety of our present lives).[9] Stated simply, American evangelical Christians, like many Americans, either neglect health or body matters or idolize and obsess about them.

Nouthetic counselor Elyse Fitzpatrick and Christian Psychiatrist Laura Hendrickson have observed the familiar truism in Christian counseling ministry that “many of us who believe in the Bible are prone to think as materialists do when it comes to our health.”[10] The consequence, as addressed in the Elyse Fitzpatrick and Laura Hendrickson book, Will Medicine Stop the Pain, is an increasing dependency on prescription drugs for the treatment of emotional pain within the evangelical Christian community. On the other hand, Gregg R. Allison contends “that evangelicals at best express an ambivalence toward the human body, and at worst manifest a disregard or contempt for it…many Christians, due to either poor or non-existent teaching on human embodiment, consider their body at best, a hindrance to spiritual maturity, and, at worst, inherently evil or the ultimate source of sin.”

Regardless of where one stands or sits, whether it be the halls of Christian academia, the Christian counselor’s office, or the back pew of a Sunday church service, how one chooses to understand and care for the human body is hardly an issue of secondary or tertiary importance to the Christian faith. The nature of man that God has created after his own image is an embodied nature. The life that God has created, redeemed, and will one day glorify is an embodied one. The way in which God has chosen to most fully reveal His glory to mankind, to save His people, and to glorify Himself is an embodied one, the Word incarnate (Heb 1:2). The call that God has given believers in this present age involves the explicit command to “glorify God in your body,” because “you have been bought with a price” (1 Cor 6:20). The believer’s hope, the consummation of the believer’s salvation, is an embodied hope where we will one day glorify God through the complete transformation by His grace into the likeness of the resurrected incarnate Word. The Christian faith is an embodied faith that does not allow one to separate matters of faith from matters of the body. Consequently, how we choose to understand and care for the human body not only reflects our understanding of the God we worship, in many ways it affects our worship as well. We neglect the understanding of the body God has created for His glory at the expense of the faith we confess and proclaim. How then are we, as twenty-first century Christians, to understand the human body, its meaning, its significance, its function, and its purpose rightly, in a manner that accurately reflects and rightly represents the true image of our God and His glory?

A careful examination of Genesis 1 and 2 demonstrates that our physical bodies were originally good and created for His glory. They are God’s gift to us. They are part of us. They were designed and given to us to help present the image and likeness of God’s glory in our lives. They were given to us – neither to be neglected nor idolized – but to be cared for and stewarded, in submission to the will and Word of our sovereign Creator, for His glory. As common grace, the created world was given by the Word of God to help sustain our bodies (Gen 1:29) in their task to glorify their Creator – though always subject to the Word of God. Such common grace can easily be seen to extend to medicines that include treatments such as vaccines. Certainly the sin of Genesis 3 destroyed and continues to destroy the image of God in both our spirits and our physical bodies. However, the divine design and purpose for our bodies remains unchanged, as well as the biblically informed stewardship we are called to provide for them.

Furthermore, the Gospel does not negate our responsibility of stewarding our bodies and health for the glory of God. Rather, by grace, through faith in Christ, it restores the body to its rightful place as neither god nor monster, but rather as the gift of God for the glory of His grace. In light of this, we would do well to consider Scripture closely as it pertains to the stewardship of our bodies and our health. For man does not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God (Dt 8:3; Matt 4:4).

[1] Gregg R. Allison, Professor of Christian Theology at The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary contends the following: “Regrettably, the church has developed its neglect or rejection of this embodied reality (of human life) because of being negatively influenced by Platonic philosophy. Gregg R. Allison, “Toward a Theology of Human Embodiment” in SBJT 13.2 (2009), 13.

[2] Naturalism is “the twofold view that (1) everything is composed of natural entities—those studied in the sciences (on some versions, the natural sciences)—whose properties determine all the properties of things, persons included (abstracta like possibilia and mathematical objects, if they exist, being constructed of such abstract entities as the sciences allow); and (2) acceptable methods of justification and explanation are continuous, in some sense, with those in science.” Within this view there is no place for the presence or role of the supernatural. Robert Audi, ed., The Cambridge Dictionary of Philosophy, 2nd ed. (New York: Cambridge University Press, 1999), 596.

[3] Solomon H. Snyder documents the emergence of this quest through a survey of the works of the following neuroscientists: F.S. Collins, D.J. Lindern, M.R. Trimble, and R.R. Griffiths. Solomon H. Snyder, M.D., D.Sc., “Seeking God in the Brain—Efforts to Localize Higher Brain Functions,” N ENGL J MED 358;1 (January 3,2008): 6-7, www.nejm.org (accessed September 5,2008).

[4] John Cooper provides a brief survey of the leading biblical scholars who hold to this position in whole or in part. They include Joel B. Green, Nancey Murphy, Peter van Inwagen, Lynne Rudder Baker, Kevin Corcoran, and Trenton Merricks among others. John Cooper, Body, Soul, and Life Everlasting: Biblical Anthropology and the Monism-Dualism Debate, (Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans Publishing, 2000), xx-xxiv.

[5] The physicalist position is an ontological monist position that believes the concept of the human soul and ontological dualism (the belief that human beings are composed of two distinct substances or entities, a physical body and an immaterial soul) are largely the product of poor antiquated translation work of anthropological terms found in the Bible and of Platonic eisegesis of the Bible. Nancey Murphy, Bodies and Souls, or Spirited Bodies?, (New York: Cambridge University Press, 2006), ix, 16.

[6] Ibid.,1.

[7] Ibid.

[8] Ibid., 23-30.

[9] Though it may be argued that the prosperity, health and wealth gospel movements as well as much of the charismatic faith-healing movement are an exception to the separation of faith matters from those of the body, much of their doctrine and practice reflect a rampant materialistic view of the body and this present life.

[10] Elyse Fitzpatrick & Laura Hendrickson, MD, define materialism as “the belief that the material world (what we can sense and measure) is all that there is,” that “we consist solely of a body,” and that our thoughts and choices are determined solely by the physical activity of our brains rather than our inner person.” Elyse Fitzpatrick & Laura Hendrickson, MD, Will Medicine Stop the Pain: Finding God’s Healing for Depression, Anxiety, & Other Troubling Emotions, (Chicago: Moody Publishers, 2006), 27, 32.

[11] Gregg R. Allison, “Toward a Theology of Human Embodiment” in SBJT 13.2 (2009), 4-5. On a personal and anecdotal note I might add, some of my most difficult patients in seventeen years of family practice, with regards to their ability to cope well and appropriately with their illness, have been evangelical pastors.

Biblical Friendship #7: The Company We Keep (Book Review)

Book: The Company We Keep: In Search of Biblical Friendship by Jonathan Holmes

Review by Cesar Vigil-Ruiz

When you think of friends, what immediately comes to mind? For many, the popular 90’s show Friends, with six quirky characters, and the catchy theme song, pops in their head. Or, you may think back to your high school days when you had a group of people that you regularly spent time with during lunch, in class, or outside the classroom. Maybe you think of your buddies that were on the same team with you in whatever sport you participated. Or, you may just think to yourself, “I wish I had friends.”

We typically think of friends as the people we get along with best, have the most in common with, enjoy a hobby together, or even live with. The common interests that are shared are generally what keep you guys (or gals) staying friends. We use phrases like, “We really gel well,” or, “We’ve been through so much together” in order to describe the friendships we have, and continually seek more of the same. We spend time with them because we like them, and (as far as we know) they like us; we always feel like we have a good time together.

Other times, a disagreement arises between friends, which can fester and color our interactions with each other in the future. A careless word is spoken, a misunderstood action is done to the other, or expectations have become unrealized. Now we’re on the lookout for a better friend, one who won’t disappoint us the way our last friend did, and on and on the cycle continues. We start to wonder what it is about others that cause friendships to end, and what is wrong with us that we seem to be out on the market for another friend for the umpteenth time. Is there any way we can get out of this spiral?

Enter The Company We Keep: In Search of Biblical Friendship, a short book written by Pastor Jonathan Holmes of Parkside Church. Looking at the landscape of friendships amongst Christians in terms of its formation and maintenance, Holmes notices that friendships between Christians don’t look all that different than friendships outside the church. His concern is that God’s view of friendships has been largely overlooked, and calls for a renewed understanding of Scripture’s teaching on the subject: “I want to try to show you God’s great design for biblical friendship and describe how we can all take concrete steps toward the kind of friendships that can and should exist among believers.” (p. 17)

Rooting the origin of friendship in the Triune nature of God Himself, Holmes identifies man’s nature as made in His image to best reflect that image in terms of a community. As Genesis 2:18 says, “Then the LORD God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make a helper fit for him.” The focus of this verse has been on the created design that a wife be her husband’s helper, and rightly so. However, an overlooked fact is that God began that statement identifying the relational aspect of man in saying, “it is not good that the man should be alone.” The pursuit of friendships supersedes that of common interest, and instead focuses on the nature of man as a relational being, made to reflect God as Triune.

The problem of friendships has everything to do with the Fall, and how it has affected our relationship with God, our motives for friendship, and our relationships with others. We no longer pursue friendship as an extension of glorifying God, but to gain some personal benefit. Whom we become friends with tell a story, either in what we look for in a friend (common interest, be it sports or a hobby), or in demonstrating the power of God working in the lives of two sinners in need of redeeming grace. Typically, the former is what drives many people to friendship, leading to a different story told other than the gospel’s transforming power.

“When we embody biblical friendship, we bear Jesus’ image, his character, his priorities, and his glory. No longer will our friendships be situated merely around common circumstances or interests, but will instead become an embodied commitment to live out the image of God together in every area of our life.” (p. 25)

All that being said, what then is friendship?

“Biblical friendship exists when two or more people, bound together by a common faith in Jesus Christ, pursue him and his kingdom with intentionality and vulnerability. Rather than serving as an end in itself, biblical friendship serves primarily to bring glory to Christ, who brought us into friendship with the Father. It is indispensable to the work of the gospel in the earth, and an essential element of what God created us for.” (p. 27)

Remembering the fact that Jesus died and resurrected, and He now calls you friend, Holmes spends the rest of the book fleshing out this definition, and demonstrating how Scripture gives a full-orbed, comprehensive picture of what friendship looks like through God’s eyes. Chapter 2 looks at the substitutes for biblical friendship that many tend to fall into: social media, specialized interest (stage of life, common interest), and selfish friendships. His quotation of Nicholas Tuffnell on the problem with Facebook Friend lays bare the futility of seeking those kind of friendships:

“On a slightly deeper note, there’s something about the relentless happiness of people on Facebook that I find monstrous. Everyone is apparently always somewhere better than I am and what’s more, they’re having a brilliant time. My life is not like that. In reality, no one’s life is like that, these are of course constructed narratives, our “best ofs”— but sometimes it’s hard to reason to yourself that these people aren’t having fun all the time when all you ever see of them is pictures of them having fun all the time. I suddenly start to feel pangs of inadequacy and jealousy… and these people are supposed to be my friends.” (p. 33)

Chapter 3 focuses its attention on what the marks of biblical friendship are: constancy, candor, carefulness, and counsel. Getting his cue from Proverbs, Holmes lays out a beautiful picture of friendship that Scripture has painted concerning friendship that demonstrates the wisdom of God in providing for us what may draw us closer to Him. Constancy is a rarity amongst friends, as different and varied reasons are given for why friendships end, some good, but most bad. One only has to think of friendships among elementary school-aged children to see how fickle ‘friendships’ last. Proverbs 18:24 states, “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” Biblical friendship has a consistency built within, because the end goal is maturity in Christ, and that doesn’t stop until we see Him face to face.

Candor deals with the ability of another to speak the truth in love for the good of your friend, and vice versa. Proverbs 27:5-6 states, “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. [6] Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.” More than just giving correction, a friend is one who will defend you against the world, the Evil One, and your flesh.

Carefulness emphasizes the care one should have for another as a friend. Here, Holmes writes of the areas of speech, timing, and stewardship. As our knowledge of one another grows, we have more of an entry point to give timely words of care to those we have committed to friendship together:

“[A]s friendship grows and develops, we must continue to engage in a faithful pursuit of the heart, thus emulating Jesus’ knowledge and pursuit of us. This growing knowledge will help our words become ever more careful, considerate, and effective.” (p. 55)

Counsel in friendship is “inter-personal ministry. It is living out the one-anothers of Scripture together.” (ibid) As seen in Proverbs 27:9, “Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.” This aspect of friendship is sorely lacking among those who call Christ as their Savior and Wonderful Counselor.

Chapter 4 introduces the proper setting for friendship to flourish, which comes down to having the right attitudes and goals in a friendship, and using the blessing of conversation and context to foster these attitudes and serve the goals of ultimately glorifying God through these relationships. Chapter 5 lays bare the threats to friendship, which includes personal sin, an incomplete grasp of the gospel, false expectations and the homophobia boogeyman. Chapter 6 brings the book to a close by focusing on the purpose of friendship, since all that came before can tempt one to give up altogether, seeing the work it would take to establish a biblical friendship. What Holmes makes sure his readers understand is that the effort believers should take in fostering friendship is in the light of God’s grace, not our own perfect performance. There is a unity that must be cultivated, which comes from a genuine endurance through the ups and downs of life as you together show the unity of the body of Christ, and the power of the gospel to a lost and dying world. The book also has an appendix answering some common questions from a practical standpoint.

Reading this book made me reflect much on my own attempts at biblical friendship, and the many failures I have personally experienced in my selfish desire to receive the benefits of friendship without contributing my part in the relationship. Considering the marks of friendship brought a whole new appreciation for the friends I have who are currently intentional in their pursuit of biblical friendship. This may have been my first time being exposed to the wealth of wisdom from Proverbs in what it has to say concerning friendship. A passing reference here, a head nod over there from articles and books that lightly touched on friendship, this book stands head and shoulders above the current literature on the topic.

If you want to evaluate biblically your current friendships, this is definitely the book worth investing your time looking into. I am very thankful to have read this book, and commend it to you. May our friendships all reflect the glory of God and point others to the cross of Christ because, and not in spite of, our friendships.

Biblical Friendship #6: Girls Have Issues Too

by Andrea Vigil-Ruiz, Kristen Lim, and Jenna Kim

Introduction

  • What does friendship look like between girls?
  • What does it look like between boys and girls?
  • How do you handle jealousy or the tendency to compare yourself to others?
  • How do you know if you are judging another person, even though you may look like you aren’t on the outside?
  • Do you have to talk to someone who is on the quieter side or is “socially awkward”?

These were just some of the questions that the Lumos female staff discussed with the Lumos girls. During the Lumos winter retreat, the female staff was given the opportunity to use a biblical perspective to have a more in-depth conversation with the youth girls about these various issues, along with issues that we, as female staff, thought were most pertinent to the youth girls’ current stage of life.

Four Issues Girls Must Face

Issue #1: Friendship with Guys

What does true biblical friendship look like with male Christians? 1 Timothy 5:1 is helpful in explaining how we, as ladies, are supposed to view the opposite gender. Taking a look at various verses in Proverbs 5 and 7, we get a picture of how a godly girl DOES NOT act with boys. Romans 14:13-23 is a helpful passage that reminds us that we ought to seek to build up and edify one another. If we call ourselves Christians, boys are just as much our brothers, as other girls are our sisters. It is important to remember our status in relation to who God is: that we are all redeemed sinners, regardless of whether we are male or female. As a result of that common ground and the common goal of living our lives to bring glory to God, we should be looking out for one another’s spiritual wellness and make sure that we are an encouragement to others rather than being stumbling blocks. Hebrews 10:24 explains that believers are called to stir one another up toward love and good words, without respect to genders (like most of the “one another” commands of Scripture).

Issue #2: Partiality

Another common issue is how to be a friend (or even friendly) to those who may be difficult to love because of various reasons (i.e. not talkative, “socially awkward,” inconvenient, unkind, etc.). We must use a biblical standard when it comes to loving others, rather than our own standard since that can stem from sinful sources within our hearts. First, look at Proverbs 17:17 and then at Matthew 26:47-50. Using Christ as our example of loving those who may be difficult to love, namely Judas Iscariot, we see how if Christ was able to love the person who He knew would betray Him, then how much more should we be able to love those who we think are difficult or hard to love.

Also, what standards do we use when we label people as difficult or hard to love? Truthfully, we use our own criteria to label others. But, if we call ourselves believers, we should not be using our own standards to measure others, especially since we have the Word of God as the final and ultimate authority. With these thoughts in mind, we can determine whether our friendships have been mirroring God’s commandment to love our neighbors as ourselves (Matthew 22:34-40).

Issue #3: Judging

One of the biggest enemies of healthy friendships is having a heart characterized by judgment. For the purposes of this article, let’s define judgment as not only forming negative conclusions about another person, but as looking down on them because of it.

This attitude can be traced back to two facets of our sinfulness: pride and selfishness. Pride craves the feeling of superiority found in maximizing others’ faults and minimizing one’s own; selfishness prioritizes one’s own ego above others’ spiritual states.

However, as followers of Christ, we are called to emulate His example by putting off pride and selfishness and putting on humility. This does not mean acting like everything anyone does is fine, but remembering that everyone’s sin and weaknesses are different, and that we are in the same boat of desperately needing God’s grace. This is expressed through love. Instead of disgust, there is an overriding desire to see someone right with God. Ultimately, everyone is either a believer struggling in the fight against sin and to live for God’s glory, or an unbeliever with no eternal hope or purpose and is on his way to Hell and in need of the gospel. Everyone you meet is fighting a battle of some sort, so be kind. Jesus came to save sinners all across the spectrum. Am I above God in being worthy of withholding compassion where He did not? Like the parable’s forgiven servant, I have been undeservedly forgiven much (cf. Matt. 18:21-35; Luke 7:36-50). It only makes sense to follow suit.

So, take a step back and see where you might be tempted to be judgmental. Remember the gospel and instead approach friends with gentle honesty instead of harsh criticism. Refuse to perpetuate gossip in situations in which you are not a part of the problem’s solution, and to deal with authority figures with teachability and winsome suggestions instead of whiny attitudes. In the end, situations like these are opportunities to remember and honor God’s hand at work in your own life and the lives of those around you.

Issue #4: Envy

Another looming poison of a thriving friendship is envy, defined as the resentful awareness of advantage enjoyed by another person, often leading to coveting. Envy is a sin that must be taken seriously since it can lead to conflict (James 4:1-2).

Envy finds its source in pride and discontentment in God’s gracious providence in your life. This characteristic reveals a lack of trust in God’s goodness and questions His perfect will. Psalm 73 explores this tension of comparing one’s life with others’ and the transformation that occurs when abiding in God. The psalmist initially complains that the wicked and arrogant seem to prosper and enjoy many blessings, and he pities himself for his lowly lot in life. But then he discerned that those thoughts were foolish and ignorant to the reality of the great honor and hope that he has in being God’s child; the proper response to tasting God’s mercy and grace is worshipful submission and joy.

“Whom have I in heaven but You? And besides You, I desire nothing on earth. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever…But as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all Your works.” (Psalm 73:25-26,28)

We can learn from the psalmist of Psalm 73 and turn our eyes to the truth of who God is by marinating our hearts in God’s promises found in Scripture. When you have set your mind on the wonderful, undeserved love of God, you will brim with thankfulness, leaving no room for envy to dwell.

Have you considered that God placed this really talented and gifted friend in your life for a reason? There is no mistake about it. God is using that person as an instrument to slay down your pride and reveal the sin of envy residing in your heart. As you realize how far you fall short in measuring up to this person’s resume, take it as a reminder that you cannot place your identity or worth in abilities, talents, goodness, or works. It is only by God’s grace that you are saved from His wrath and given eternal life.

It is also important to remember that God is the giver of all good things, and so He deserves the glory and praise for the blessings that people enjoy. He sovereignly ordained your friend to have a knack for cooking delicious meals, or for your neighbor to possess many things, or allowing the person sitting next to you to have a funny personality. These people are merely stewards, called to be of service to others and be generous with what God has gifted them with. Rather than being envious, you can be thankful that God has given people opportunities to utilize their gifts and talents for the purpose of showing His love to the world.

Conclusion

The breakout session for the girls during retreat was an enriching time of digging through God’s word, challenging us to think biblically in forming convictions and persevere in fighting sins that impede God’s will for our relation to people. An increasing fear and love for God, and understanding the depths of the gospel transform everything about a person and aligns friendships to be joy-filled and God-glorifying, just the way God intended. We hope that your appetites were piqued to be grounded in God’s truth, to think through these issues (and future inquiries) biblically, and pray to God for wisdom and strength to live accordingly.