{"id":2329,"date":"2010-11-16T01:00:05","date_gmt":"2010-11-16T09:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.lighthousebc.com\/beacon\/?p=2329"},"modified":"2015-04-16T16:31:54","modified_gmt":"2015-04-16T23:31:54","slug":"is-marriage-in-your-future","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lighthousebc.com\/beacon\/2010\/11\/16\/is-marriage-in-your-future\/","title":{"rendered":"Is Marriage In Your Future?"},"content":{"rendered":"

by Elder Peter Lim<\/em><\/p>\n

Growing up in the mid-1970s in the San Fernando Valley, a suburb of Los Angeles, a familiar scene repeated itself every school day as it does even today in much of the World. We played kickball. It always began by some mob-mentality decision made by the more vocal kids that the top two athletes be the two team captains so as to avoid both of them being on the same team. I hate to brag but I was oftentimes one of the two. So the process continued where we alternated picking members of our teams until everyone was on one team or another. I didn\u2019t consider at the time what it must\u2019ve felt like to be one of the last ones chosen, or even being the very last one. I hope I didn\u2019t cause any kid to cry himself to sleep at night because of my attitude toward him.<\/p>\n

I bring back this memory (painful no doubt to some of you) because the grown-up version of this scenario can happen to many single Christians, particularly those who are hitting their upper 20s or older and there seems to be no prospect of marriage or even a relationship anywhere in the near future. To be sure, they have been well-taught (at least in our church I hope) that they need to be patient, to trust in God\u2019s sovereign timing, etc. However, I still remember what it felt like when I was single that although I was trying hard to grow spiritually, it was difficult to find someone that I was attracted to who would also be attracted to me. It felt like other guys were being picked to be on a team and I was being left behind. Understanding that I needed to be a man and take the initiative, I worked up enough courage to ask someone to be my girlfriend. Apparently I took her completely by surprise even though we had been good friends, sometimes spending 5 out of 7 nights of the week doing stuff together whether it was studying or going to Bible study together, etc. It took her 48 hours to get back to me with the sisterly reply, \u201cI never saw you in that way. You are a good brother to me.\u201d I was and am grateful that she was direct and to the point but it was still unpleasant to have my feelings unreciprocated. To this day, she is still a good and dear friend. Why do I bring up this embarrassing story? Because many singles are having similar experiences and thoughts regarding the future.<\/p>\n

Many of the guys can relate to the situation I just described. It\u2019s not easy to put all your feelings out there all awkwardly like that just to have it rejected, no matter how kindly it was done. Especially if you are working hard to be Godly and you are asking out a girl who has a Godly reputation, you would expect that you stand a better chance of success because she wouldn\u2019t give lame reasons for rejection. I think ladies have it even harder than the guys because as men take the initiative to be \u201cteam captains,\u201d the ladies are often left to wonder what\u2019s in store for their future, whether they will ever be picked to be on the team. \u201cWill anyone ever ask me out?\u201d \u201cWhy do the wrong guys always seem to show the most interest?\u201d \u201cThis guy is asking me out but I\u2019m kind of interested in this other guy…what should I do?\u201d \u201cIs it okay if I ask a guy out?\u201d \u201cMaybe I should drop some obvious hints that I\u2019m interested in him?\u201d Oftentimes the harsh reality of sinful Christian men, who are just as shallow as the rest of the world, as they value physical attraction more than spirituality, discourages ladies such that it tempts them to have a low self-image, self-consciousness, and even depression.<\/p>\n

Men:
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