{"id":3224,"date":"2011-06-01T01:00:10","date_gmt":"2011-06-01T09:00:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.lighthousebc.com\/beacon\/?p=3224"},"modified":"2013-03-21T19:19:47","modified_gmt":"2013-03-22T02:19:47","slug":"peacemaker-chapter-11-look-also-to-the-interests-of-others","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lighthousebc.com\/beacon\/2011\/06\/01\/peacemaker-chapter-11-look-also-to-the-interests-of-others\/","title":{"rendered":"Peacemaker Chapter 11: Look Also to the Interests of Others"},"content":{"rendered":"

by Cesar Vigil-Ruiz<\/em><\/p>\n

Editor\u2019s Note: You can listen to the class<\/a> and download the handout.<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.<\/em> (Philippians 2:4)<\/p>\n

When we get into a conflict dealing with material issues, how do we come to an agreement that is done biblically?<\/p>\n

Cooperative versus Competitive Negotiation<\/strong><\/p>\n

In dealing with material issues, it is tempting to negotiate in a competitive manner, only wanting what they want and letting the other look out for themselves. Of the many problems with this kind of an approach, three problems with this mindset is that it often fails to produce the best possible solution to a problem, it is inefficient, and it can greatly damage personal relationships. Negotiating cooperatively has the opposite effect: it can lead to more whole solutions, be more efficient in focusing on the issue and not wasting time being defensive, and can lead preserve or even better personal relationships. This is the method commended in Scripture (Matt. 22:39; 1 Cor. 13:5; Matt. 7:12; Phil. 2:3-4; cf. 1 Cor. 10:24).We are to be shrewd (prudent, sensible, practically wise) during our conflicts, combining love and wise to reach a God-honoring decision. One rule to help head in cooperative negotiation is: When you need to negotiate, PAUSE.<\/p>\n

P<\/span>repare<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cPreparation is one of the most important elements of successful negotiation (Prov. 14:8, 22). This is especially true when significant issues or strong feelings are involved. Several activities are good preparation for negotiation\u201d (p.228):<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Pray<\/li>\n
  2. Get the facts<\/li>\n
  3. Identify issues and interests<\/li>\n
  4. Study the Bible<\/li>\n
  5. Develop Options<\/li>\n
  6. Anticipate reactions<\/li>\n
  7. Plan an alternative to a negotiated agreement<\/li>\n
  8. Select and appropriate time and place to talk<\/li>\n
  9. Plan your opening remarks<\/li>\n
  10. Seek counsel<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    A<\/span>ffirm Relationships<\/strong><\/p>\n

    A conflict generally involves two basic ingredients: people and a problem. All too often, we ignore the feelings and concerns of the people and focus all our attention on the problems that separate us. This approach often causes further offense and alienation, which only makes conflicts more difficult to resolve. (p.231)<\/p>\n

    You need to show that you are a person who will not only affirm the other person you are in conflict, but back it up with your actions. Here\u2019s some ways to show your appreciation for the other person during this time of negotiating:<\/p>\n

      \n
    1. Communicate in a courteous manner<\/li>\n
    2. Spend time on personal issues<\/li>\n
    3. Submit to authority<\/li>\n
    4. Earnestly seek to understand<\/li>\n
    5. Look out for the interests of others<\/li>\n
    6. Address sin in a gracious manner<\/li>\n
    7. Allow face-saving<\/li>\n
    8. Give praise and thanks<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      By affirming continually, you make it easier to speak openly and honestly about the issues at hand, and increase the likelihood of negotiating issues in the future better as well as keeping the relationship healthy.<\/p>\n

      U<\/span>nderstand Interests<\/strong><\/p>\n

      When you do this, you fulfill the Philippians 2:4 command. To do this, you need to understand the differences between an issue, a position and an interest. \u201cAn issue is an identifiable and concrete question that must be addressed in order to reach an agreement.\u201d \u201cA position is a desired outcome or a definable perspective on an issue.\u201d \u201cAn interest is what motivates people. It is a concern, desire, need, limitation, or something a person values. Interests provide the basis for positions.\u201d (p.234) Positions between people in conflict typically don\u2019t match, but many times their interests do. This is where our focus needs to be. The most important principle in negotiating cooperatively is this: \u201cThe more fully you understand and look out for your opponent\u2019s interests, the more persuasive and effective you can be in negotiating an agreement.\u201d (p.236) Before doing this, a helpful way would be to make a list of your own interests that are related to glorifying God, serving others and growing to be like Christ. The more complete it is, the better you can rate at which priority each specific interest lies.<\/p>\n

      After doing this, you should try to figure out your opponent\u2019s interests, and even write them down alongside yours, making sure you are considering seriously what they say. By then there should be a greater chance to set the issues in terms of easiest to deal with. This will allow you both to see that progress can take place and can head towards the more difficult issues with the right momentum.<\/p>\n

      S<\/span>earch for Creative Solutions<\/strong><\/p>\n

      This next step is to meet as many interests as is possible. Especially if there are similar interests between you and your opponent. Even when there\u2019s solutions the other person may not be inclined to accept, be ready to explain how it would benefit both you and them.<\/p>\n

      E<\/span>valuate Options Objectively and Reasonably<\/strong><\/p>\n

      Even if the previous steps have gone well, you may encounter significant differences of opinion when you get to this stage. If you allow negotiations to degenerate into a battle of wills, your previous work will have been wasted. Therefore, instead of relying on personal opinions, insist on using objective criteria to evaluate the options before you. (p.242)<\/p>\n

      As shown in Daniel 1:4-16, when you establish an objective criteria, there should be every effort on your part to negotiate reasonably, showing respect by listening to the other person, as well as trying to see things from their vantage point, inviting specific criticism, other alternatives or advice. If you are pressured by your opponent, remind them to stay focused to the objective criteria, yet at the same time treating them how you would like to be treated. What you end up agreeing on should be covering this (p.244):<\/p>\n

        \n
      1. What issues were resolved<\/li>\n
      2. What actions will be taken<\/li>\n
      3. Who is responsible for each action<\/li>\n
      4. Dates by which each action should be completed<\/li>\n
      5. When and how the results of the agreement will be reviewed<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

        Don\u2019t assume or expect this last step to go by quickly. There might not be an agreement right away, and you may need to backtrack and come up with new options, possibly taking a few days to think things through. If negotiating cannot work with just the parties involved, there may be a need for an objective advisor to come alongside and help. This will show the pursuit of the other\u2019s interests, which is a small glimpse of the interest God the Father pursued with us with the sending of His Son. May we continue to view our conflicts as opportunities to honor God and open the other person\u2019s eyes to the witness of a redeemed sinner.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

        by Cesar Vigil-Ruiz Editor\u2019s Note: You can listen to the class and download the handout. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. (Philippians 2:4) When we get into a conflict dealing with material issues, how do we come to an agreement that is done […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":469,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3,108],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3224","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-book-review","category-peacemaker"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lighthousebc.com\/beacon\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3224","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lighthousebc.com\/beacon\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lighthousebc.com\/beacon\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lighthousebc.com\/beacon\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/469"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lighthousebc.com\/beacon\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3224"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/lighthousebc.com\/beacon\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3224\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7614,"href":"https:\/\/lighthousebc.com\/beacon\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3224\/revisions\/7614"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lighthousebc.com\/beacon\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3224"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lighthousebc.com\/beacon\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3224"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lighthousebc.com\/beacon\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3224"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}