By Elder Peter Lim

A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city,
And contentions are like the bars of a citadel. (Prov. 18:19)

The book of Proverbs doesn’t tell us that this is the way things ought to be but rather It gives us wisdom to understand that this is the way it is. We can all agree that this warning is true and that contentions and being offended are nearly impossible to overcome. Therefore we must take care to make it our top priority not to offend and not to be offended. Much has already been written regarding how we should avoid offending people. After all, no Christian that I know actually tries to offend people. We all try not to offend each other. Instead I wanted to focus on something that we can control, the topic of not being offended. Of course this can be difficult and no one tries to be offended either. I wonder though whether those who are often offended consider some of these thoughts:

A mature believer is difficult to offend because:

1. Factually, we are all sinners deserving of death anyway.
2. Maturity implies an additional capacity or ability to tolerate offensive remarks or situations.
3. Mature believers take the focus off of themselves and their own pain and compassionately focuses on the fact that the offender needs God’s grace too.

There are multiple passages in the Bible that describe God as one who is slow to anger. (Ex. 34:6, Num. 14:18, Neh. 9:17, Ps. 86:15, etc.) Prov. 15:18 describes a man who is slow to anger as one who calms a dispute rather than making things worse. This means that when we are tempted to be offended, we must slow down and consider the above list so that we would be a calming influence on the situation which would set the stage for true peacemaking. Being offended and responding sinfully against another is an immature response. I understand that there was pain and hurt. These are not good reasons to respond sinfully. Jesus had plenty of reasons to be offended for the way He was treated by His own creation, but He never responded sinfully. Instead He showed mankind the greatest kind of love possible: by dying for their sins in order to pay the price for them to be redeemed.

This is not to say that weak people who get offended nor those who get angry are useless. There is a real sense that we are all weak to some degree and that God chooses to use us to accomplish His will anyway, warts and all. However we shouldn’t be content to stay weak. We need to grow stronger in order to be effective ministers of His people. Any time we work with people who are sinners, we have the potential to be offended. I often say that it’s a good thing that we are mortal beings… because if we were immortal while we are still sinners, we all would find some way to offend each other eventually. It’s far better to serve God during our useful lives and then die and be in His presence forever in a state of sinlessness. What a glorious day that will be!