by Cesar Vigil-Ruiz

Editor’s Note: you can listen to the class and download the handout.

Working under the 4 G’s of peacemaking, Ken Sande offers three chapters for each one to help us get a better idea of how to become biblical peacemakers. As he writes in the preface, “The primary focus of this book…will be on how God can help you as an individual Christian throw off worldly ideas about resolving conflict and become a true peacemaker” (p.15). Part 1, entitled ‘Glorify God,’ starts off with a chapter that argues for a new look at conflict that will revolutionize the way we look at we encounter on a regular basis. Instead of seeing conflict in a negative light, Sande highlights the idea that “conflict is an opportunity to solve common problems in a way that honors God and offers benefits to those involved” (p.22).

He then sets forth The Slippery Slope of Conflict, which you can see below:

There are three basic ways all people respond to conflict when it arises: escape, attack, and peacemaking. To escape means “[p]eople tend to use these responses when they are more interested in avoiding a conflict than in resolving it” (p.23). It shows up in three different ways:

1. Denial in pretending a conflict does not exist or refusal to do what is necessary (Gen. 16:1-6; 1 Sam. 2:22-25)
2. Flight by running away from a conflict (Gen. 16:6-8; 1 Sam. 19:9-10)
3. Suicide when they lose all hope of resolving a conflict and taking their own life (1 Sam. 31:4)

To attack is in relation to “people who are more interested in winning a conflict than in preserving a relationship” (p.24). These also show up in three different ways:

1. Assault with different forms of force/intimidation whether verbal, physical or financial (Acts 6:8-15)2.
2. Litigation by taking them to court (Acts 24:1-26:32; Rom. 13:1-5)3.
3. Murder by killing those who oppose them (Acts 7:54-58; 1 Jn. 3:15; Mat. 5:21-22)

To make peace is what is “commanded by God, empowered by the gospel, and directed toward finding just and mutually agreeable solutions to conflict” (p.25), which shows up in six ways:

Personal Peacemaking (personal/private)

1. Overlook an offense in insignificant disputes (Pro. 19:11; 12:16; 17:14; Col. 3:13; 1 Pet. 4:8)
2. Reconciliation by confession, loving correction, and forgiveness (Mat. 5:23-24; Pro. 28:13; Gal. 6:1; Mat. 18:15; Col. 3:13)
3. Negotiation by dealing with material issues related to money, property, or other rights, and not just personal ones (Phil. 2:4)

Assisted Peacemaking (outside the conflicted parties)

1. Mediation by asking one or more objective person(s) outside the conflict to be able to communicate and seek possible solutions (Mat. 18:16)
2. Arbitration by asking one or more person(s) to hear the cases on both sides and make a decision that is binding (for material cases; 1 Cor. 6:4)
3. Accountability by involving church leaders to hold one responsible to the word of God in seeking repentance, justice and forgiveness (Mat. 18:17)

Tendencies in failing to resolve conflicts biblically include going from private responses (escape) to public responses (attack). Taking the extreme road on either side leads to death (escape by committing suicide or attack by murdering the other). To escape is to focus on ‘me’ (peace-faker); to attack is to focus on ‘you’ (peace-faker); to go the biblical route is to focus on ‘we’ (peace-maker).

To know how to deal with conflict, we have to look at conflict in a biblical way, which Sande defines as “a difference in opinion or purpose that frustrates someone’s goals or desires” (p.29). The four primary causes are as follows:

1. Poor communication (Josh. 22:10-34)
2. Differences in values, goals, gifts, calling, priorities, expectations, interests, or opinions (Acts 15:39; 1 Cor. 12:12-31)
3. Competition over limited resources, like time or money (Gen. 13:1-12)
4. Sinful attitudes and habits that lead to sinful words and actions (Jas. 4:1-2)

What is helpful to keep in mind is that there are healthy conflicts that come from a creative God who gifts His people differently, as well as us having personal preferences (1 Cor. 12:21-31), while we pursue unity in the body and not uniformity (Eph. 4:1-13).

From our sinful hearts, many of our conflicts will not that way, and so must look to God’s Word to go about it in a way that is pleasing to Him. By looking at conflicts in a different light, we see that becomes an opportunity to:

Glorify God

• Trusting Him (Pro. 3:5-7)
• Obeying Him (Mat. 5:16; Jn. 17:4; Phil. 1:9-10; Jn. 15:8; 14:15-31)
• Imitating Him (Eph. 5:1-2; 1 Jn. 2:6; Phil. 1:9-11; 1 Pet. 2:12)
• Acknowledging Him (Phil. 2:13; 1 Pet. 3:14-16)

Serve Others

• Help an opponent understand his interests and find better solutions than if he sought them by himself (Phil. 2:3-4)
• Carry your opponents’ burdens by providing for their spiritual, emotional, or material needs (Gal. 6:2, 9-10)
• Help others learn where they have been wrong and need to change (Gal. 6:1-2)
• Encourage others to trust in Christ (1 Pet. 3:15-16)
• Teach and encourage others by your example (1 Cor. 4:12-13, 16; 1 Tim. 4:12; Titus 2:7)

Grow to Be like Christ

• God uses conflict to make you more like His Son (Rom. 8:28-29; 2 Cor. 12:7-10; Luke 22:41-44)
• God uses conflict to expose sinful attitudes/habits in your life (Psa. 119:67)
• God uses conflict to get you to draw on His grace and practice new attitudes/habits

To steward conflicts involves the life of one who “is expected to follow his master’s instructions and look out for his master’s interests, even if they conflict with his own personal desires or convenience” (p.38), which leads to a few character traits he ends the chapter with:

• Motivated
• Informed
• Strengthened
• Dependent
• Faithful