by Randy Sarmiento

Recently in GraceLife we have been going through the book Peacemaking for Families by Ken Sade and Tom Raabe. It is always great to have a tool that will point us back to God, and His will for the families.

We are a very young couple that have been married for only a little over a year, and have a 7 month-old daughter. To be honest, before this study we really did not challenge each other spiritually. Like many other Christian couples, when we got married we made the assumption that it would be at least a little bit easier to share what is in our hearts and what we are struggling with. We thought marriage would dissolve many of the communication problems that we had during dating. You know, since we are now joined together as one before God. But soon enough, the realization that “sinner plus sinner equals conflict” came. It’s not that we fight a lot or even come into conflict much, but the fact is that we do, and will get into it. Now the question being asked is, “How do we handle it?”

One thing the book reminds us is that through biblical ways to resolve conflict you can encourage your spouse and family members. In this way you can think of conflict as an opportunity to glorify God and serve others.

Another point that the book has helped us in is the realization of idols in our lives. Idols could start out to be desires for honorable and good things, but then they can turn into demands that must be met. We realized that this is something that could easily sneak up on us and cause conflict.  We know that we have to constantly examine our hearts and motives, because it may very well turn into actions and words that may not glorify God.

Consciously we needed to watch ourselves so that we may be an example to our daughter, even in her infancy. Prayerfully we hope that someday she will come to the saving knowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord. So we do not want our actions and words to be a hindrance to the testimony of God’s love and grace.

Personally for me, the book has reminded me that conflict tears apart relationships, and forgiveness is the restoration of a relationship made whole again.  With God and us, we were in conflict with Him due to our sin, and yet He had restored our relationship with Him by the blood of His Son. I also realized that my mentality is that if something is broken I need to fix it as fast as I possibly can. The same thing goes with problematic situations and especially when I think that someone else is clearly wrong and I am right. But after reading the first 5 chapters of the book and being pointed back to scripture, I realized and remembered that I can’t do anything apart from God, that I am not in control, and I have to first submit to God.

As much as I would like to think that I am a strong and knowledgeable person, the more I read God’s word, the more I realize how weak I am and how much I don’t know. It’s quite humbling. I truly need to grow up and be, “quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger. (James 1:19)”

We all know that relationships are hard, and at times marriage can be even harder, but everyday I still thank God for the huge blessing of my wife and daughter. Once again, I am reminded of the sinner that I am, and how much I fall short of His Glory. But because of His actions of love, through His Son Jesus Christ, I am overwhelmed of the fact that I am even given the opportunity to lead and teach them. Having a family is truly grace on its own.

I look forward to the rest of the book in hopes that it will continue to be an eye-opener of how to biblically handle conflict situations.