by Cesar Vigil-Ruiz

Editor’s Note: You can listen to the class and download the handout.

But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that “every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.” (Matthew 18:16)

Matthew 18:15-20 has been the framework by which Christians have sought to maintain peace within their churches, looking to Christ’s perfect teaching as the guide for resolving everyday conflict. Let’s get into how this process is laid out, step-by-step.

The Matthew 18 Process

“A general principle taught in Matthew 18 is that we should try to keep the circle of people involved in a conflict as small as possible for as long as possible” (p.186). What Ken Sande is apt to point out just a few sentences later, “This is one of the great blessings of belonging to the church: Whenever you cannot handle a problem or conflict on your own, you can turn to the body of Christ for guidance and assistance.” This process Jesus commands us to follow if we are in conflict with another cannot be fulfilled without the local church being involved. Yet another reason vigilante Christians are a misnomer.

Step 1: Overlook Minor Offenses

Remember that conflicts are opportunities to glorify God, and not burdens. Sometimes it is not worth going through and overlooking small issues if it is not detrimental to them or other people in the church. We also need to remember that our rights are not inherent, and cannot claim them in times of conflict. We must be ready to give them up for the sake of love for the one who initially hurts us and also for those in our churches as well.

Step 2: Talk in Private

If you sin against another, it is your responsibility as a Christian to go to the other and ask for forgiveness. If they commit sin against you that cannot be overlooked, it also is your responsibility to deal with the issue and get to the point of true reconciliation. If it’s a material issue that cannot be overlooked as well, it would be good to negotiate and come to agree on a solution together. You are almost always biased in favor of yourself in conflicts of material issues, so it would be wise to seek godly advisors to help you see your faults and respond in a fair and biblical manner with the other. If this cannot be done, we move to step 4.

Step 3: Take One or Two Others Along

To bring an outsider/reconciler into your conflict requires discretion on both sides. This person must be a man/woman who is a spiritually mature adult who can help you both come to a deeper clarity for both sides and lead to a peaceful resolve, which is what Paul instructs in Galatians 6:1 (Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted). The best mediator would be one who knows both of you, as they will seek to be faithful to God and caring for both parties. If the other person is not so sure an outsider is necessary, it would be good to appeal to them based on what Matthew 18 as well as 1 Corinthians 6 teaches, and also bring out practical benefits to doing so (would not cost money, save time, and not be made public).

Another way an outsider can be involved is by your being active in bringing him/her in, even if the other does not agree to it at first. This may push the other person to want to deal with the conflict more than before. If they still persist, involving an outsider that person respects may be key, and you can go to them and let them know what the issue is in a general sense, not getting too specific until you and the person in conflict can meet together with them.

What do reconcilers do?

A reconciler’s “primary role is to help you and your opponent make the decisions needed for peace” (p.191). They can also offer counsel in how to handle the problem at hand (Matthew 18:17; 1 Corinthians 6:1-8), calling for repentance on either or both sides if any ungodly attitudes are expressed. They could also be given permission by both sides to render a course of action to take that must be followed if a decision cannot be made. They can be the ones who can let the leaders of your church(es) know how the issue came to a standstill and go from there.

What if my opponent is not a Christian?

If this is the case, agreeing on an outside reconciler ahead of time would be best, so that a resolution can take place, and a solution can still be made, provided the other person is not against that and is willing to hear out what the third party has to say.

Step 4: Tell It to the Church (Church Accountability)

When all is rejected and the other person is still not wanting to come to peace on this issue, only then should the leaders of your church(es) be made aware of the situation and help is desired from them. The church has the authority of Christ behind them (Matthew 18:18-20) in dealing with sin, which will be binding on their member who is in conflict (or if both are members of the same church). Disobedience is not allowed, unless what they instruct is clearly in violation of Scripture (Matthew 23:1-3; Acts 4:18-20; 5:27-32). At this point, if one or the other or both parties are not willing to resolve this issue, those who know them are obligated to bring up this issue with them lovingly but firmly, calling them to repentance and reminding them of the danger of coming to God’s house while in conflict, leading to an absence of worship towards God and true fellowship with one another.

Step 5: Treat Him as a Nonbeliever

If all this takes place and the other person is not willing still to reconcile, the church has divine authority by Christ: “treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector” (Matthew 18:17). It becomes a functional position for the church to take: “If a person behaves like a nonbeliever would—by disregarding the authority of Scripture and of Christ’s church—he should be treated as if he were a nonbeliever” (p.193). Treating them in this way (not by belittling them but by calling them to true faith and repentance in Christ by way of the Gospel) is biblical and effective in drawing them back in to the fellowship that this person once tasted. By not neglecting to focus on this issue with them, you show your hate and lack of care for them, superficially talking about random subjects when a grave issue is a potential for causing division in the church. We speak to them about their need for Christ so that they can realize their sin and come to Christ to deliver them from their stubborn unwillingness to reconcile. It also promotes holiness in the church, and a line that will not be blurred in who a true believer is and who is not, biblically speaking.

Is It Time to Go to Court?

Sometimes even if an issue is unresolved, dropping the matter and give up your justified claims (1 Corinthians 6:7-8). One final choice would be to go to court, after all other options have been exhaustively sought.

The World Needs Reconcilers!

Reconcilers are needed in this world to give a small glimpse of the greatest act of reconciliation known to mankind: the reconciliation of God and man found in Jesus Christ, the God-man who bore the sins of many on Himself to be the way back to God (John 14:6; 1 Timothy 2:5; 1 Peter 2:24, 3:18). When Christians are found living out the Christian life, and seek peace among the brethren, when we have already been given lasting peace by God Himself, it draws people to look in and be amazed at the wonder and the power of the Gospel. This is still an evangelizing opportunity for us to minister on a continual basis, leading others to praise our Father in heaven who made this available for His children.

Developing a Culture of Peace in Your Church

This is shown in the church when it has the following characteristics: vision, training, assistance, perseverance, accountability, restoration, stability, and witness. Pray that LBC will be an embodiment of these characteristics now, and that we would continually be seen as a church that practices what it preaches, for the sake of God’s glory.