by Pastor Patrick Cho
How well do you know your spouse? If you are like most, you might agree that you know your spouse pretty well, but perhaps you don’t know him or her as well as you might think. Perhaps you know that the communication in your marriage is weak. If that’s the case, it may just need some exercise. Consider the following questions:
- How is your partner doing spiritually? What are your partner’s greatest spiritual struggles? How can you be praying for him or her? How is your partner’s time in God’s Word?
- What brings your partner the greatest joys in your marriage? In life?
- What are your partner’s greatest fears?
- What are your some of your partner’s greatest disappointments?
- What does your partner think you do well in your relationship?
- What does your partner wish you would do better in your relationship?
Were you able to answer these questions? If not, it might be a good idea to go on a date with your spouse and talk about some of them.
Communication is probably always going to be an issue in marriage relationships. Men and women simply don’t communicate the same way and oftentimes misunderstand each other. Sometimes the problem is a failure to listen. Other times, the problem lies in difficulty with communicating clearly or specifically. Whatever the case, most couples would agree that a great percentage of the conflicts that arise in marriage stem from a failure to communicate well.
Not surprisingly, we find our example of effective communication in the Lord. He is the perfect communicator because He not only delivers the message perfectly (cf. John 17:17), but He also grants the ability to understand it (cf. 1 Cor. 2:12-14). Inasmuch as we strive to communicate well, we pattern ourselves after the God who made us and made known to us His will. In the Scriptures we find:
- God clearly communicates His existence and attributes (Rom. 1:19-20).
- God clearly communicates our need for Him (Mark 1:15).
- God clearly communicates His love (John 3:16; Rom. 5:8).
- God clearly communicates salvation for His people (Ps. 16:11; 98:2; Eph. 1:7-10).
- God clearly communicates His will (2 Tim. 3:16-17; 1 John 5:3).
Certainly there is much more in Scripture that God communicates, but this just goes to show that when God wants His people to know something, He communicates it effectively.
This does not mean that everyone will understand everything that God intends. Paul had made it clear in 1 Corinthians 2:14 that the natural man cannot understand the things of God. This is not because God’s message is deficient or incomplete, but because the human heart is darkened in its understanding and blinded by sin. God shines the light of Christ in the hearts of men and illumines their minds to understand the truth by His grace.
Communication is key to building a healthy relationship. It is like a muscle that needs to be exercised regularly. This is true in our relationship with God, and it is true in our relationships with one another. We grow more intimately acquainted with God as we come to understand what brings Him joy, what He desires, and what He requires of us. We are drawn closer to Him as we learn more about who He is and what He is like. The same is true when it comes to our marriage relationships. As we work out to know our partner better, to understand his or her joys, desires, fears, and frustrations, we too will build a stronger and healthier relationship.