by Cesar Vigil-Ruiz
Introduction
The world runs on the fuel of friendship. Everywhere you look, you see the effect of friendship (or lack thereof) that forms the society around us. Friendship pervades us all. And yet, one area that has been neglected in terms of instruction (whether in the church or even in school) has been that of friendship. How do we navigate this crucial aspect of daily life as Christians, as believers in Christ as Lord? How does a Christian worldview inform and transform the way we relate to one another in our pursuit of glorifying God?
How would the Bible define friendship? This has become a buzzword without the buzz, having been around since the time of Abraham, who was called a friend of God (James 2:23). Friendship, like the word “love,” has many different definitions, and many have not considered a biblical definition of friendship to guide their decision-making in who to form friendships with. One definition that caught my eye comes from the recently published book, The Company We Keep: In Search of Biblical Friendship by Jonathan Holmes:
“Biblical friendship exists when two or more people, bound together by a common faith in Jesus Christ, pursue him and his kingdom with intentionality and vulnerability. Rather than serving as an end in itself, biblical friendship serves primarily to bring glory to Christ, who brought us into friendship with the Father. It is indispensable to the work of the gospel in the earth, and an essential element of what God created us for.” (p. 27)
The Scriptures have much to say concerning friendship, especially in Proverbs. However, before pursuing the biblical data, a prior question (temporally and logically) must be asked: who created and modeled friendship for us to follow? You would not be surprised to know that the answer to the first act is God, but would you have considered God to be a model of friendship?
The Divine Society
Within the Christian worldview, God has revealed Himself as being the only God that exists, and yet has also revealed that within the Godhead are three persons–Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. The doctrine of the Trinity teaches that within the One Being, that is God, there exists three coequal and coeternal Persons. Each is fully God, and yet each is not the other. The Being has to do with the essence of what God is, while the Person has to do with who God is in His personality. For examples, within the human race, all are human beings, yet the differentiation comes in their personhood. Each man, woman, and child is a human being, yet they also possess personhood–emotions, will, and the ability to express themselves. A rock has being, yet does not possess personality. The uniqueness of God comes from Him not only eternally existing, but also being “Trinity,” from eternity to eternity.
If God has always existed as Triune, then the implication is that He has always been in relationship within Himself. The Father has always loved and continues to love the Son, the Son to the Father, and the Holy Spirit to both the Father and the Son. If everything Jesus did on earth was to glorify the Father (cf. John 17), then this has implications for how He lived His life, and the focus of our friendships should reflect that reality.
Why focus on the Trinity in discussing friendship? Well, consider the alternative. Without God as Triune, friendship or relationships would not reflect God’s unchanging character, especially if He had to create the world in order to enter into relationship with His creation. Yet, given that God has expressed His true nature to His people, we can image God precisely in the realm of friendships. I would venture to say that without God being trinitarian, there would be no foundation for anything, let alone friendship, to exist. Also, seeing God as eternally Triune gives us reason to be in awe of Him that much more. There has never been a conflict among the Persons; jealousy has never entered their minds, and there has never existed pride within the heart of God. Yet their diverse roles are less like competing band members on stage who want to show off their talents, and more like a symphony where the group harmonizes their talents together to create a beautiful masterpiece.
In seeing the relationships that existed within the Trinity, you see an intricate tapestry of love and intentionality displayed within the pages of Scripture. Three applications of biblical friendship (and these most certainly are not the only ones!) that flow out from the truth of the reality of the Trinity are:
1. Learn from the Father’s wise, caring, and good exercise of authority.
In Paul’s letter to the Ephesians (particularly 1:3-12), he opens with the beautiful preface that opens our eyes to the working power and purposes of God. Paul calls the Ephesian believers to bless God the Father, and yet continually, the spiritual blessings we receive as His children come by way of His unique Son, Jesus Christ. Christ is also the One who reveals the Father’s glory (John 1:14), which pleases the Father, and yet Christ takes joy in doing so. Notice that the Father does not try to accomplish His plan apart from the involvement and work of His Son. He intricately designed His plan of redemption with Christ as the center, and He does it in love, not out of rivalry or with a begrudging heart.
In our friendships, who determines the agenda of your conversation? Though you may become friends with those who work under you, or of whom you are the head of a school project, how can you image God’s character in your interaction with your friends? If you have more knowledge or possess a particular skill, is your first response to show off what you know or can do to others, or is it with an others-minded focus on serving your friends to grow deeper in love to Christ and His Word?
2. Learn from Jesus’ eternal submission to His Father, done in joyful love.
In recognition of the fact that Jesus identifies Himself as God (John 8:23), He recognizes immediately after the authority of His Father and His role in doing only what the Father commands Him (John 8:28-29). This is proper submission, done in love and loyalty to His Father. He even tells His disciples, “I do as the Father has commanded me, so that the world may know that I love the Father” (John 14:31).
How would your friendships look like if your common goal was to not only spur one another to submit to whatever authority you fall under (parents, boss, government), but also seek to ultimately live in the same way as Christ did, by loving obedience to the Father as acts of love. If your friend encouraged you to pursue God in the way that He’s gifted you, or confronts you when you willingly seek to sin against God, would you value that friendship more or less? Can you model Christ’s deep commitment to the Father in your striving toward greater obedience of His Word?
3. Learn from the Holy Spirit’s “behind-the-scenes” role in relating to the Father and the Son.
When Jesus was giving final instructions to His disciples before His death, He promised the Holy Spirit would come to guide them to the truth…concerning Himself. He will only declare to them what He has heard, and will glorify Christ (John 16:12-14). Indeed, the Spirit will bear witness not of Himself, but of Christ (John 15:26). One of His roles was to author the Scriptures (2 Timothy 3:16-17). And yet, if we were to ask who the central figure of the Scripture is, wouldn’t it be logical to answer the Holy Spirit? But that isn’t what we see. Jesus is the central character, of whom it was said already that the Spirit would testify of. He is fully God, yet fully behind-the-scenes. His role has never been to be front and center.
With respect to your friendships, what role do you typically play? Are you usually the one who likes to make decisions about where to eat, or even what to talk about? Who or what is the main theme of your conversations? Who would get more attention in your friendships: God, or you?
The Holy Spirit did not speak of Himself, and was assigned the role to speak only of what He heard from another, and the topic was that of Christ’s teachings. Why are we so willing to give our two cents about many issues, yet ignore the fact that the Holy Spirit never gives one cent of His own?
Conclusion
The temptation, while growing up in church, has been to do good things because we have been told to do good things. Many have been raised to be nice because that’s what Christians do. Yet understanding friendship in light of the Trinity radically shifts our focus from being good (when we can’t) to reflecting the Good of the Triune God and His relationship within Himself. We all have the opportunity to image our Creator, Savior, and Helper. The Gospel is at stake with respect to our friendships. Will we purpose to glorify God in our friendships, or will we join the world and ignore the God who created friendships to reflect Him?