by Roger Alcaraz

Now that I’m leading Single Life, people sometimes ask me what my plans are for it. I joke and say that my goal is to get everyone married and eventually work myself out of a job. But while Singles ministry is a great place to meet a spouse, I don’t want people to think of it as a stepping stone to something greater.

Marriage will never satisfy someone the way way Jesus alone can. And marriage itself presents sacrifices that get taken for granted among singles. Even a few days ago, a happily married father saw people planning a volleyball event and said, “Ahhh…the days when I was the master of my schedule.” So while marriage brings much joy, it also brings restrictions. And it’s not just when it comes to playing sports but even in our Christian walk. First Corinthians 7:32-34 says “The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided.”

The adage of calling a spouse the ol’ “ball and chain” is a crude and inaccurate portrayal of marriage, implying that all a spouse does is hold you down in life. But let’s not get rid of the imagery altogether. There may not be a ball, but there’s definitely a chain. Two people are tied together for the rest of their lives. The person on the other end will be able to lift you up when you fall, but you will also have to carry them sometimes. And that’s just the beginning. Have you ran a race chained to someone you’re in conflict with? It’s not easy.

The point is that people imagine marriage to be a blissful stroll through a park when it will often be a uphill climb through a rocky forest. Marriage will disappoint any person putting their hope in it and the truth is that an unhappy single will make for an unhappy married. Wanting to see people get married is simply too small of a goal.

This is why our main focus for this coming year will be on deepening our relationship with God so that we’re not chasing every fleeting pleasure before us only to be disappointed or have our faith shaken. We want to be like the man who builds his house on the rock so that when the storm comes, the house stands. We’ll do this by going through Philippians for the first semester of our Bible study since it carries the theme of joy in Christ. The last thing I want Single Life to become is a cold and joyless ministry. It really should be a time of great joy and sanctification, more than any other time of their lives since the people there don’t have their interest divided on how to please their spouses.

Secondly, I appreciate that so many want to get married but it’s not enough to want a good thing. We have to want it for good reasons. Marriage is a very sweet gift of grace to many, but it can become sour if we go into it with wrong motives. So after Philippians, we’ll be going through a series on biblical marriage.

It’s easy to lose sight of the fact that marriage is a ministry to another person, and instead make it something that serves their own needs. Saying that you want to get married to have a companion in life is like saying you want to go on missions to travel the world. It ignores the real reason God would call you to the foreign mission field: to bring glory to God. Likewise, if a person marries without concern for God’s glory, and only for their needs, it is done selfishly. In the end, I want to see people married but only if they’re doing so for God’s glory and the other’s good.

And lastly, most people experience a decrease in the number of non-Christian interactions when leaving college and the same is true when people get married. Being single presents one with more opportunities for evangelism, and so sprinkled throughout the year will be an emphasis on sharing the gospel to our friends and community. I even want to do what I can to make Bible studies more friendly to new visitors so they can come and witness the love we have for one another as they hear about God’s love.

In short, we should all have a godly jealousy to those in Single Life. Some may see it as a pit stop to a greater destination, but I say stay, grow, serve, and evangelize in ways you may never get to again.