by Sharon Kim

DTR. A random concoction of alphabet letters? What does it stand for? Well you’re in luck, because it was defined and described on October 9, 2016 by Pastor Patrick (sermon audio found here). DTR, which can be a noun or a verb, stands for “Defining the Relationship.” It is often used as a synonym for “asking out” or the act of clarifying the relationship between a guy and a girl when one or both parties suspect that they have become more than friends. This sermon in particular defined what a God-honoring vs. flesh satisfying-relationship would look like.

Relationships are not perfect, which can be due to preconceived unrealistic expectations. It is important – actually, ESSENTIAL – to be imbued by the Holy Spirit and to pursue/maintain a relationship that would glorify God. Because God’s way is less painful, more fulfilling, and as Pastor Patrick challenged the listeners, more romantic. More often than not, we have seen the pains of broken relationships, which is the result of sin. God has graciously and mercifully taken away our sin, and thus, He has given us the freedom to have a relationship that could be bearing the fruits of the Spirit.

So let us look to the all-sufficient Word of God, the sword of the Spirit, to battle the shortcomings of relationships. Galatians 5:19 gives us key words that describe acts and states that we should avoid because they are not God-honoring. This sermon dissects and describes each word which is meant to ask questions that can identify if someone is engaged in what is immoral, consistent strife with God… SIN.

1. Sexual immorality, which can come in many different forms. A prevelant form that was highlighted was fornication (pre-marital sex). Are you in deed, action or thought performing an act such as this?
2. Sensuality, which can be defined as debauchery (seduction from duty, allegiance, or virtue). Do you indulge in this?
3. Idolatry, which can take the form of anything that takes precedence in your life over God. Is your dating relationship or even your desire to date consuming areas in your heart and mind that should be reserved for God?
4. Sorcery is a broad term that involves steering one towards a reliance void of God. For example, the use of illicit drugs. Do you drink, smoke or use any substances that disrupt your or your dating partner’s consciousness for pleasure or escape?
5. Enmity, which is a synonym of hatred. Can you not stand your relationship or the person you are dating?
6. Strife, which describes quarrels, bickering and arguing. Though relationships may go through arguments, can you say that it is a consistent pattern in your dating relationship?
7. Jealousy, a sinful reaction when sharing your partner’s time with others. Do you have a hard time sharing your partner with others and allowing them to be a blessing?
8. Outbursts of anger includes having no control over your anger which can translate into rash speech. Do you constantly have apologize for what you have said to your dating partner?
9. Disputes, the root cause of which is selfish ambitions, i.e., a self seeking attitude. Are there disputes in your dating relationship?
10. Dissensions, which means to stand apart or give someone a cold shoulder. An example of this can be shown when a dating couple has broken up and have a hard time being in the same room because of the pain. Can you see this being the direction of where your dating relationship can end?
11. Factions, which is when a dating couple separates themselves from the church and can even refuse wise counsel. Are you in this kind of position?
12. Envy, which is another self-centered attitude where one does not rejoice of the success of others. Are you like this in your dating relationship?
13. Drunkenness, which is defined by excessive drinking. Do you get drunk from alcohol or are you filled with the Holy Spirit?
14. Carousing, which is similar to partying/clubbing. Is this a characteristic of your dating relationship?

Remember that there are still many more that can reveal if your dating relationship can be of the flesh rather than of the Lord.

As we continue to verse 22 to describe a relationship that is honoring to God, let us start with the foundation. Galatians 5:14b says, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” This means that relationships are not about you. It is not about self-fulfillment and what you want from the relationship. It should start with the thought of “How can I serve my brother or sister in Christ in love?”

Now to fruits of the Spirit:

1. Love: This act can be shown through the choice of loving others despite their actions, speech or even looks. This is unmerited love which Christ has shown to us when He came to die for us, sinners. Do you show your dating partner this Christ-like love?
2. Joy: Are you joyful when you are together with your dating partner?
3. Peace: This word is something deep that can be defined as “soul satisfaction,” or a completeness. Do you both find your peace in God and see Christ as all sufficient?
4. Patience: Do you and your dating partner not lose heart in the face of trials/hardship and continue with kindness?
5. Kindness: Do you desire to be a blessing to others? Could you say that you two are pleasant to be around?
6. Goodness: Can you ask yourself truthfully if you care more for your partner’s good than your own? To be good is to treat others better than yourself. This should translate in treasuring other people’s time just as much as your own.
7. Faithfulness: Are you reliable and can be counted on? Can you say that you conduct yourself in a way that will not be considered questionable?
8. Gentleness: Are you gentle, not condescending and taking to account the feelings of others? A good example that was presented was when Jesus was ministering to the woman at the well (John 4:7-42). The woman was in sin, but Jesus patiently and lovingly served her, which caused her to joyfully spread the news of His existence & message.
9. Self-Control: Are you driven by your emotions? Are you rash in your decision-making?

These questions which have been formed from these few verses (and do not limit yourself to just these) are great to understand where you might stand in your dating relationship.