by Elder Peter Lim

One of the most obvious signs of a maturing Christian is graciousness. At the root is the word “grace” which refers to the giving of something that is not necessarily deserved. In our context we are talking about someone who returns kindness when it may be justifiable to retaliate for an unkind deed. All Christians will show grace at least from time to time because we mimic the character of God and it’s at the core of how He treats us, by giving us the gift of forgiveness and salvation through Jesus Christ even though we don’t deserve it. A maturing Christian is consistently characterized by graciousness and shows a pattern of it despite varying degrees of difficult circumstances encountered over time. So what are some of these difficult circumstances? Examples will help.

Gracious in Conflict Situations

Let’s face it. Living in peace with other people, even Christians, is not always easy. Although there are basic processes of peacemaking in the Bible and discussed in many books, the actual making of peace is often complicated by personal pain and perceived wrongs. The key to resolving difficult circumstances is clarity in understanding the issues at hand. But achieving clarity requires many meetings and discussions to clearly understand each party’s perceptions and misperceptions. This is usually a lengthy and time-consuming process and requires a willingness of all parties involved to see it through and see peace as a worthwhile goal. This also means that there will be many opportunities to escalate the situation instead of defusing it. The difference between escalating and defusing is grace. Until the ownership of responsibility is sorted out, each party will feel like it’s the other party’s fault. Therefore an extra measure of grace is necessary to show the other kindness, which you believe the other party doesn’t deserve. The greatest killer of grace is an unwillingness to discuss the issue because then there is no possible way to reach clarity. Someone who uses the excuse that it’s too painful to discuss is obviously not a mature believer. It’s almost like saying that the pain that he’s going through is greater than the pain and humility that Jesus endured in being born as a man and being crucified on the cross.

Gracious Leaders

Being gracious is especially important for leaders. One big way to sow seeds of division within the church is to complain to your spouse and/or other people about dumb decisions that the other leaders make. There is a right way and a wrong way to discuss serious issues that are facing the leaders of the church. Again, grace is the difference.

The gracious way:

• Consider whether it’s even a good idea to share a particular issue with a spouse since it may cast a fellow leader in a negative light
• Consider whether it’s an issue of biblical conviction or personal preference
• Consider whether it’s more of an area of expertise of a fellow leader than oneself
• Ask your spouse to help you understand the alternatives and consider which biblical principles might apply

The ungracious way:

• Use your spouse to vent your frustrations
• Casting a negative light on other leaders, belittling their abilities and decision making

There are no excuses why a leader would be ungracious to a fellow leader. The lack of grace is an obvious disqualification from leadership and evidence of a lack of understanding of one’s own standing before God.

Gracious to other Christians

Sometimes well-meaning Christians make (or support) statements such as, “Christians are hypocrites” or “Christians are so judgmental” trying to identify with those who criticize Christians so that they can see that we acknowledge our faults too. After all, there is truth in those statements. However, these statements are sometimes misunderstood as if it’s better not to be a Christian than to be one. It can also communicate a lack of graciousness toward other believers, and the unbeliever is left thinking that this person just threw his fellow believers under the bus. Instead, we should acknowledge our faults but also share how Christ has changed us to be more gracious and less hypocritical and judgmental. I’ve known a lot of genuine Christians and the more mature Christians are the most unjudgmental and unhypocritical people I know. They aren’t perfect people (no one is!) but the work of the Holy Spirit in their lives is obvious. I strive to be like them.

Summary

No Christian has an excuse not to show grace. God’s grace can raise the deadest sinner from the dead. This includes you, me, Hitler, and [insert here the most-deserving-of-death person you can think of]. Is there anyone that you can think of that you haven’t been showing grace to? Consider this your opportunity to have a “growth moment” and show grace to them even if they don’t deserve it… especially if they don’t deserve it. Be gracious no matter what.