Weekly Links (6/10/2011)

Ah, believer, it is only Heaven that is above all winds, storms, and tempests; God did not cast man out of Paradise that he might find another paradise in this world. (Thomas Brooks. HT: Josh Harris)

by Stephen Rodgers

Welcome back to another edition of the Weekly Links!  Today we’re going to do something a little bit different.  There’s a free audio book to bring to your attention, but once we’ve covered that, I want to point out a few resources here on the Beacon and the church website that you might not be aware of.

  • So first off, we have a free audiobook for you: Joni Eareckson Tada’s A Place of Healing. If you aren’t familiar with Joni’s story, you really need to check it out.  She’s a woman of amazing courage and strength.

So that brings us to a few other links that are closer to home…

  • As you may know, our missions teams are getting ready to head out to the Czech Republic and Argentina.  And here on the Beacon, we have a Missions category, which is further sub-divided into an Argentina section and a Czech Republic section if you want to review what past teams have done.
  • If you wanted to hear some messages from the pastors that we partner with, we actually have a message from Jorge Ahualli, and three messages from Meinolf Mellwig.
  • Last Sunday, during the Elders Q&A, a number of questions came up.  One lengthy response covered the subject of DTR, and it was mentioned that we had not had a DTR series this year.  However, if you’re interested in such things, you can listen to the first DTR series, the second DTR series, and/or the third DTR series.
  • And if interviews with our elders are something that interest you, we have a recording of last year’s interview as well.

Well, that’s it for this week.  I hope this was helpful to those of you who weren’t aware that we had such resources.

See you Sunday!

Pro Rege

Grace Life Update

by Ivan Cheng

Learning to be a parent is a constant growing process with God and with Nancy. Each day is an opportunity to practice the Four G’s of the peacemaker principle. When our children were infants, parenting was relatively easy with feeding, changing diapers, and putting them to sleep. As they grew older, the issues of behavior, discipline, and how to train our children in righteousness as the Bible commands became more central to parenting. I never imagined that parenting would require so much intentional planning and foresight.

The first G of “glorifying God” sounds simple, yet it takes conscious effort to put into practice. It is easy to just want to parent by reflex, but it ultimately leads to worldly standards. Putting God first means evaluating my attitudes, words, and actions in light of what pleases Him and modeling biblical values to our children.

The second G of “getting the log out of your own eye” has been the most humbling as a parent. Every day I’m confronted by how my own sins may be the cause of the problem in a conflict with our children. My quick temper, my selfish agenda, my unrealistic expectations are really the underlying issues at hand. Praise God for His mercy that each day is a brand new day for God to start afresh to mold me to His likeness!

The third G of “gently restore” is one that I constantly need to monitor. It is easy to crush the spirit of my children with my harsh words and anger even though they have erred and need discipline. I’m learning that the process is to rebuild the relationship and not just about correcting behavior. They need so much more encouragement and affirmation from me.

The forth G to “go and be reconciled” is so easily left out. I can dish out rebuke and discipline, but reconciliation seems such an afterthought. Sometimes I think that I have it all wrong. I spent the majority of the time focusing on correction and only minimal time on rebuilding. Instead, it should be the other way around, focusing on God’s redeeming grace and reaffirming my unconditional love for my children. The main effort should be on moving past the error and restoring the broken relationship through forgiveness and reconciliation.

God has been gracious to allow me to grow as a parent. I’m grateful that God has put Nancy by my side to work together as parents. Each day we are able to come together to evaluate our goals and mistakes as parents, pray, and depend on the Holy Spirit for His wisdom and to transform us to be Christ-like. We are constantly reminded that our goal is not to raise successful children, but ones who have a loving relationship with Christ and experience His grace. Ultimately, we need to trust that God’s plan for our children is far better than anything we can conceive for them.

Peacemaker Chapter 12: Overcome Evil with Good

by Cesar Vigil-Ruiz

Editor’s Note: You can listen to the class and download the handout.

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Rom. 12:21)

That verse alone should condemn the majority of conflicts that have arisen in the past, since most people, even those who profess to know Christ, blatantly disregard what God commands here. We seem to see this verse and its message to be a simple and naïve view of real life, not paying attention to the fact that Paul the apostle is writing this having already suffered much at the hands of men for the sake of Jesus Christ and making Him known. This is what Paul realized:

[A] true peacemaker is guided, motivated, and empowered by his or her identity in Christ. This identity is based on faith in the most amazing promise we could ever hear: God has forgiven all our sins and made peace with us through the death and resurrection of his Son. And he has given us the freedom and power to turn from sin (and conflict), to be conformed to the likeness of Christ, and to be his ambassadors of reconciliation (2 Cor. 5:16-20). It is the realization of who we are in Christ that inspires us to do the unnatural work of dying to self, confessing sin, addressing others’ wrongs graciously, laying down rights, and forgiving deep hurts—even when people who persist in opposing or mistreating us. (p.248)

God, in saving us, has not left us alone to deal with our conflicts, but has given us His Word, prayer, truth, righteousness, the Gospel, faith, and the Spirit-filled character (Eph. 6:10-18; Gal. 5:22-23). In his letter to Rome, Paul lays out 5 principles that help make an effective and victorious offense in dealing with conflict (Rom. 12:14-21).

Control Your Tongue

When a dispute gets more loud or intense, it’s at this crucial time that we must control our tongues (Rom. 12:14). We must actively speak gracious truth to those we are in conflict with, speaking well of them and being kind with our language (1 Peter 3:9). By doing this, you also will have a more real view of the situation, as well as a loving attitude. This will continue dialogue, not stifle it.

Seek Godly Advisors

Find men and women who will be biblical in their advice and not be afraid to correct and admonish you when they see you in the wrong (Rom. 12:15-16; Pro. 27:5-6). “If a lack of noticeable progress causes you to doubt the biblical principles you are following, you may be tempted to abandon God’s ways and resort to the world’s tactics” (p.250). This is why godly advisors can help you stay on course, especially when it’s hard.

Keep Doing What Is Right

Whether the person who is against you responds positively or negatively is irrelevant when it comes to you doing right (Rom. 12:17). You need to be careful in your planning and acting that when anyone can see how you are during this conflict, they should reason that you are in the right (1 Peter 2:12, 15; 3:15b-16; 1 Sam. 24:1-22).

Recognize Your Limits

Do whatever you can to be reconciled or at peace with others, knowing that you cannot force anyone to do what is right (Rom. 12:18). This is all God asks of you, and you do not have to keep trying to solve the problem when the other person continually refuses you. To succeed is to be faithful in obeying God’s will (Ecc. 12:13b). Knowing your limits is specifically related to your temptation of wanting to exact revenge on the one who does you wrong. You are not God, for He will mete out justice and punish the unrepentant (Rom. 12:19; Pro. 20:22). He uses the church (Matt. 18:17-20), the civil courts (Rom. 13:1-5) or even Satan (1 Cor. 5:5; 1 Tim. 1:20) to deal with them. Following God’s revealed will is always the best way to go.

Use the Ultimate Weapon

The ultimate weapon, according to Rom. 12:20-21 is deliberate, focused love (cf. Luke 6:27-28; 1 Cor. 13:4-7). What Christ calls of His own is to find whatever your opponents’ deepest needs are and meet them. This may come out in showing them their faults, showing them compassion, patience, words of encouragement, or even providing material and financial help to those who are least deserving or who even least expect it from you. “As we love our enemies and seek to meet their needs, we can glorify God and protect our souls from the acid of bitterness and resentment…God may use our loving acts to soften the hearts of our opponents” (p.255). Pray that our church and our individual lives would reflect the love of Christ to a lost and dying world, especially when we least think about it: during conflicts.

Gray Issues Part 3 – Are you struggling? Great!

by Elder Peter Lim

So last month, I wrote about the fact that trying to define the line that separates “sin” from “not-sin” is not simply a matter of following a list of dos and don’ts from the Bible. It’s always a matter of the heart. I also wrote in Introduction to Gray Issues that I was somewhat frustrated by the lack of clarity in my search of Scripture for answers to my questions regarding gray issues. I wanted to expand upon that thought a little more today.

It’s not really a lack of clarity in Scripture that frustrates me but rather a tendency in my own heart to simply desire to know what decisions to make practically. I’d rather not have to wrestle through every situation and examine my heart’s motives. Instead, it’s easier to just make a blanket policy of life to say “if it’s not sin, then I can do whatever I want” without ever considering why I would even want to do those things in the first place. The frustration comes when the Bible doesn’t make it very clear what the blood alcohol level has to be before being considered drunk, or whether PG-13 is okay but R is questionable and NC-17 is definitely not okay, or sharing a dorm floor with coeds is okay but sharing a tent is not okay, or gambling away $100 is okay for entertainment value but $500 is financial  irresponsibility. But the Bible does make certain things perfectly clear: We still have fleshly tendencies although we are not of this world. (Rom. 7:14, Phil. 3:20) So did God place these nebulous commands such as 1 Peter 2:12 (“Keep your behavior excellent among the Gentiles, so that in the thing in which they slander you as evildoers, they may because of your good deeds, as they observe them, glorify God in the day of visitation.”) to frustrate us? What exactly does it mean to keep our behavior “excellent?” Would it be sin if we didn’t keep our behavior excellent? Yes, right? Then wouldn’t it be important to define what that word means so that we would not cross it? This is what I mean when I say that it’s somewhat frustrating that things are not so clearly defined.

But hold on a minute. This is exactly what God intended for us to struggle with. You see, dear Christian, that God in His infinite wisdom gave these sorts of instructions to us in order to help us recognize our own sinful tendencies. He did this on purpose so that we would realize that our hearts are full of sin and then go humbly pleading on our knees to Him who paid the price for us. The struggle itself is a good thing. Remember that it’s always a matter of the heart. Fine, so we realize that. So now what? Can I still do these questionable things? Listen to yourself. If it’s questionable, why would you want to do them? Why wouldn’t you want to stay far away from the edge of the cliff? The answer to the question is, no we must not do questionable things. We are called to be above reproach. That means that we are going to have to want to voluntarily give up activities that are not necessarily sinful because the glory of God is at stake, and being above reproach becomes more important to us than fulfilling our fleshly desires.

Truth is, we’re always going to be in a battle against ourselves. Our fleshly selves are going to want to sin. Our spiritually renewed minds are going to want to fight against sin. There is hope here. As we grow and mature, we will sin less. But we will also grow in our understanding of how hideous sin is to God. So we will sin less and feel worse about it. This is the kind of godly remorse which causes us to remain humble even while we grow closer to Christ. Remember that the closer you get to the light, previously unseen blemishes are revealed. That’s how we know we are growing. Therefore, struggling (against sin) is a good thing!

And the Shepherds Returned…

by Charles Haddon Spurgeon

From Luke 2:20

What was the subject of their praise? They praised God for what they had heard-for the good tidings of great joy that a Saviour was born unto them. Let us copy them; let us also raise a song of thanksgiving that we have heard of Jesus and His salvation.

They also praised God for what they had seen. There is the sweetest music-what we have experienced, what we have felt within, what we have made our own-‘the things which we have made touching the King.’ It is not enough to hear about Jesus: mere hearing may tune the harp, but the fingers of living faith must create the music. If you have seen Jesus with the God-giving sight of faith, suffer no cobwebs to linger among the harpstrings, but loud to the praise of sovereign grace, awake your psaltery and harp.

One point for which they praised God was the agreement between what they had heard and what they had seen. Observe the last sentence-‘As it was told unto them.’ Have you not found the gospel to be in yourselves just what the Bible said it would be? Jesus said He would give you rest-have you not enjoyed the sweetest peace in Him? He said you should have joy, and comfort, and life through believing in Him-have you not received all these? Are not His ways ways of pleasantness, and His paths paths of peace? Surely you can say with the queen of Sheba, ‘The half has not been told me.’

I have found Christ more sweet than His servants ever said He was. I looked upon His likeness as they painted it, but it was a mere daub compared with Himself; for the King in His beauty outshines all imaginable loveliness. Surely what we have ‘seen‘ keeps pace with, nay, far exceeds, what we have ‘heard.’ Let us, then, glorify and praise God for a Saviour so precious, and so satisfying.

1.28p

Weekly Links (6/3/2011)

Christianity asserts that every individual human being is going to live for ever, and this must be either true or false. Now there are a good many things which would not be worth bothering about if I were going to live only seventy years, but which I had better bother about very seriously if I am going to live for ever. (CS Lewis, Mere Christianity. HT: Apologetics 315)

by Stephen Rodgers

Due to a scheduling conflict, the so-called “Weekly Links” can more accurately be described this time around as a “Weekly Quote.”  However, I think that it’s a quote well-worth dwelling on.  As the collegians wrap up finals, the singles stress over work, the parents face new challenges with the onset of summer, and the missions teams prepare to go forth…think about it.

Really think about it.

Pro Rege

LBC Weekly SPARK – June 2, 2011

by Pastor Patrick Cho

Dear LBC family and friends!

I hope you are doing well and walking in the Lord. In The Trellis and the Vine, authors Colin Marshall and Tony Payne argue that the ministry of cultivating spiritual growth is the responsibility of each believer in the church. By speaking God’s truth to one another, we actually help cause the body to grow together in spiritual maturity. Sadly, too many Christians in today’s churches leave spiritual development to the “professionals.” They do not invest in others but rather have a me-first mentality when it comes to ministry. Everything is about how they are growing, how they are being fed, and how they are being ministered to. Instead of seeking to be a blessing to others, they only seek blessing for themselves.

This is backwards thinking if you consider what the Scriptures say. Read Ephesians 4:11-16 and you’ll see that ministry and investment in others is not only left to the leaders of the church. All are called to speak God’s truth in love, and this is what fosters spiritual maturity in the church. Certainly, we should all be striving to grow personally, but this should not be at the expense of our ministry to others. In chapter 5 of the book, the authors discuss the concern that this requirement might become legalistic. Are all Christians really called to perform this ministry to others regardless of their spiritual maturity, giftedness, and ability? What happens if someone feels inadequate for the task?

The answer to these concerns is addressed in the book of Philippians, and chapter 5 of The Trellis and the Vine serves as a good synopsis of Paul’s epistle. In Philippians, Paul rejoices that he has an entire church that is willing to partner with him in the gospel even if it means there would be resulting persecution and suffering. Paul is encouraged by the solidarity of fellowship he has with them as they push forward for the cause of God’s truth. Together they could fight this spiritual battle side by side. This is what makes normal Christian partnership. Paul called all believers to live as citizens of heaven with Christ as their ruler. All were in it together, and this was the source of his encouragement. This is what true ministry looks like. It is each believer in the cause of the gospel with the rest of the church. The true nature of Christian ministry is self-abandoning and others-oriented. To be a Christian means you are part of the team.

As you think about your Christian service, is this your mentality? How are you seeking to be a blessing to others? When was the last time your investment in another led to their spiritual growth and benefit? How have you been speaking God’s truth so that others are spurred on to do the same? The church is in need of believers who want to be on the team, and not just watching from the sidelines. I hope this thought encourages your ministry and as a result the church will grow stronger and more mature.

In His grace,

Pastor Patrick

Here are the announcements for this week:

  1. Friday Night Bible Studies. All our Friday night Bible studies will be meeting this week at 7:00pm. For the collegians, this will be the last on-campus Bible study of the year. The singles and youth will meet at the church. For more information, you can visit the pages of the various affinity groups through the church’s website. Also, beginning in July, the college and singles ministries will meet for a joint Bible study at the church on Friday evenings at 7:00pm.
  2. Men’s Breakfast. The next men’s breakfast is this Saturday, June 4, at 7:00am. All men are encouraged to attend as we continue discussing biblically what it means to be a man. Bring a breakfast item to share. Juice will be provided.
  3. Membership Class. We will be having a membership class this weekend at the church. This is a two-part class on Saturday, June 4, from 9:00am-12:00pm, and Sunday, June 5, from 1:00-4:00pm. Attendance at both sessions is required. If you are interested in becoming a member and would like an application, please email Pastor Patrick (pastorpatrick@gmail.com).
  4. New Visitors Meet N Greet. If you have come to LBC for the first time within the last couple months, you are invited to attend our New Visitors Meet N Greet. This will be in Room 101 immediately following our morning worship service. Pizza and drinks will also be provided.
  5. Sunday School. The Sunday School term has officially ended, but we will be extending the Peacemaker class for one more week to address some of the questions that were asked at the Q&A. Please join us this Sunday for that class even if you were in one of the other classes this term. It is certain to be helpful. On Sunday, June 12, we will be having a general Q&A with the elders during the Sunday School hour. This will be a great time to get to know the church’s leadership better. After the Q&A, we will be taking a break from Sunday School for the summer. Classes will resume in the fall.
  6. Missions Fundraiser Lunch. Throughout the month of June, the Czech and Argentina missions teams will be having a lunch fundraisers to help raise funds for the summer trips. These lunches will be held on June 5 and 12, and on June 26 at FITS. The cost for food is only $5/adult (kids 0-12 eat free!). It all starts this weekend, so go to the Sunday School class and stick around afterwards for some good food!
  7. Missions Support. As you know, this summer we will be sending missions teams out to the Czech Republic and Argentina. Please be praying for both teams as they have been working diligently to prepare. If you are planning to support the teams financially, please keep in mind that separate checks need to be written for each team. Support for Czech team members should be sent up to LBC San Jose. Support for Argentina team members can be made out to LBC San Diego. The departure dates for both teams are coming quickly so please get your support in soon! More information can be found in the missions support letters, which are available in the foyer on Sundays.
  8. Super Flock. On Friday, June 17, we will have all the flocks come together at the church for a Super Flock! This will be an evening of food and friendly competition between the flocks. Please bring $8 for food ($4 for kids 3-12). You can sign up for Super Flock in the foyer on Sunday or through your flock leader. Please sign up as we are looking for an accurate head count for food.
  9. Vacation Bible School. VBS is right around the corner, so be sure to register your kids as soon as possible. The theme is “God Always Wins!” and it is sure to be a fantastic time for the kids. We are delighted to hear from parents each year that the highlight of VBS is the sound biblical teaching and spiritual investment in the kids. Please talk to Josh Liu for more information about VBS (liu.joshuac@gmail.com).
  10. Fun in the Sun Day. Our first FITS will be on Sunday, June 26, at Torrey Hills Community Park. Bring your softball gear, sand toys, and sunscreen! Lunch will be served by our missions teams. The cost for food is only $5/adult (children 0-12 eat free!).

Single Life Update

by Jen Shih

One marked characteristic of our Bible studies at Lighthouse is that our pastor does not skimp on giving us the details; at any given time of the year, we are digging into a book of the Bible verse by verse. The Single Life ministry started studying through the book of Colossians on Friday nights back in July 2010 and now we’re approaching the end of chapter 2! By way of introduction to the book, one reason why Paul wrote to the church at Colossae was in response to false teachings that were arising. Paul warns the church to be wary of false teaching based on human traditions and elementary principles created by man and instead to trust and depend on the sufficiency of Christ. Understanding what “hollow and deceptive philosophy” looks like is helpful especially because we live in a world where lies are commonly the mainstream belief.

While studying Colossians 2:8, Pastor Patrick highlighted some characteristics of false teachings for us. False teaching often contains error mixed in with truth. It appeals to the desires and intellect of men (1 John 2:16), and causes us to question the true word of God. A picture of this false teaching is clearly illustrated in Genesis 3 – Eve saw that the tree which God commanded not to eat from was a “delight to the eyes and she saw that the tree was desired to make one wise.” Satan twists the word of God and tempts Eve with a reasoning that sounds appealing and good. I encounter a modern day example of this at my workplace. It’s often times much easier to complain and gossip with co-workers in a frustrating situation because there might be seemingly legitimate reasons to do so – the situation is unfair or there is not enough recognition by management or one person is not contributing to a team effort. Grumbling, complaining, and gossip is inexcusable because these are things that God commands against in his Word (Philippians 2:14, Psalm 34:13). Or when things don’t go the way I’ve planned – it’s simple to blame circumstances and a situation for a hardened heart and the world reinforces this.

The Christian does not need to rely on these types of reasoning but instead the Christian has a solid foundation on Christ. It is sure, unwavering, never misleading or wrong. In Colossians 2:9-10, Paul emphasizes three powerful statements about Christ: in Jesus the fullness of the deity dwells in bodily form, we have complete sufficiency in Christ, and this is assured by His full authority. Christ is God incarnated – the very being of God. His perfect life satisfies what we can never make up to be reconciled with God. It is an amazing truth that our wisdom, reconciliation, and righteousness are complete in Christ. Studying through Colossians 2:11-14 specifically has been tremendously encouraging and eye opening. Pastor Patrick pointed out that the same Greek word “energeia” for the “powerful working” of God to raise us from the dead is the same powerful working that God uses to raise Christ from the dead. That’s a pretty mind-blowing thought. Our entire old self is gone. Our old flesh is removed or “circumcised” and replaced entirely with new life in Christ. This has helped me to put into better perspective the fact that salvation is truly a miracle by a gracious, merciful and loving God. We were dead in our sin and trespasses – completely dead – which means that there is absolutely nothing we could to earn salvation or please God or earn God’s favor in any way. Yet, God chose to save us.

Recently, my more specific prayer is that I would not get caught up in the busyness of work and life and live each day in perspective of the awesome salvation I have in Christ. Understanding that my old self was buried with Christ and that I am raised again ignites an inner joy and excitement that I know is rooted in amazing gospel truth. Practically, for me, this means that I need to prioritize and not put all my time and energy into working to please men, but put my best effort forward, understanding that I cannot be perfect and my aim is not to please man and build myself up. It means that I cannot find my security in my career or income or success, but I need constantly to depend, rest, and draw strength on truth that Christ is sufficient for me.

My encouragement to those in the Singles Ministry is simply this reminder: God has specifically and purposely carved out this stage of life, this study through the book of Colossians, and the relationships we have with one another to learn and grow and live out his Word. Let’s continue to strive to do this with full dependency on God and increasing love for God and one another!

Peacemaker Chapter 11: Look Also to the Interests of Others

by Cesar Vigil-Ruiz

Editor’s Note: You can listen to the class and download the handout.

Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. (Philippians 2:4)

When we get into a conflict dealing with material issues, how do we come to an agreement that is done biblically?

Cooperative versus Competitive Negotiation

In dealing with material issues, it is tempting to negotiate in a competitive manner, only wanting what they want and letting the other look out for themselves. Of the many problems with this kind of an approach, three problems with this mindset is that it often fails to produce the best possible solution to a problem, it is inefficient, and it can greatly damage personal relationships. Negotiating cooperatively has the opposite effect: it can lead to more whole solutions, be more efficient in focusing on the issue and not wasting time being defensive, and can lead preserve or even better personal relationships. This is the method commended in Scripture (Matt. 22:39; 1 Cor. 13:5; Matt. 7:12; Phil. 2:3-4; cf. 1 Cor. 10:24).We are to be shrewd (prudent, sensible, practically wise) during our conflicts, combining love and wise to reach a God-honoring decision. One rule to help head in cooperative negotiation is: When you need to negotiate, PAUSE.

Prepare

“Preparation is one of the most important elements of successful negotiation (Prov. 14:8, 22). This is especially true when significant issues or strong feelings are involved. Several activities are good preparation for negotiation” (p.228):

  1. Pray
  2. Get the facts
  3. Identify issues and interests
  4. Study the Bible
  5. Develop Options
  6. Anticipate reactions
  7. Plan an alternative to a negotiated agreement
  8. Select and appropriate time and place to talk
  9. Plan your opening remarks
  10. Seek counsel

Affirm Relationships

A conflict generally involves two basic ingredients: people and a problem. All too often, we ignore the feelings and concerns of the people and focus all our attention on the problems that separate us. This approach often causes further offense and alienation, which only makes conflicts more difficult to resolve. (p.231)

You need to show that you are a person who will not only affirm the other person you are in conflict, but back it up with your actions. Here’s some ways to show your appreciation for the other person during this time of negotiating:

  1. Communicate in a courteous manner
  2. Spend time on personal issues
  3. Submit to authority
  4. Earnestly seek to understand
  5. Look out for the interests of others
  6. Address sin in a gracious manner
  7. Allow face-saving
  8. Give praise and thanks

By affirming continually, you make it easier to speak openly and honestly about the issues at hand, and increase the likelihood of negotiating issues in the future better as well as keeping the relationship healthy.

Understand Interests

When you do this, you fulfill the Philippians 2:4 command. To do this, you need to understand the differences between an issue, a position and an interest. “An issue is an identifiable and concrete question that must be addressed in order to reach an agreement.” “A position is a desired outcome or a definable perspective on an issue.” “An interest is what motivates people. It is a concern, desire, need, limitation, or something a person values. Interests provide the basis for positions.” (p.234) Positions between people in conflict typically don’t match, but many times their interests do. This is where our focus needs to be. The most important principle in negotiating cooperatively is this: “The more fully you understand and look out for your opponent’s interests, the more persuasive and effective you can be in negotiating an agreement.” (p.236) Before doing this, a helpful way would be to make a list of your own interests that are related to glorifying God, serving others and growing to be like Christ. The more complete it is, the better you can rate at which priority each specific interest lies.

After doing this, you should try to figure out your opponent’s interests, and even write them down alongside yours, making sure you are considering seriously what they say. By then there should be a greater chance to set the issues in terms of easiest to deal with. This will allow you both to see that progress can take place and can head towards the more difficult issues with the right momentum.

Search for Creative Solutions

This next step is to meet as many interests as is possible. Especially if there are similar interests between you and your opponent. Even when there’s solutions the other person may not be inclined to accept, be ready to explain how it would benefit both you and them.

Evaluate Options Objectively and Reasonably

Even if the previous steps have gone well, you may encounter significant differences of opinion when you get to this stage. If you allow negotiations to degenerate into a battle of wills, your previous work will have been wasted. Therefore, instead of relying on personal opinions, insist on using objective criteria to evaluate the options before you. (p.242)

As shown in Daniel 1:4-16, when you establish an objective criteria, there should be every effort on your part to negotiate reasonably, showing respect by listening to the other person, as well as trying to see things from their vantage point, inviting specific criticism, other alternatives or advice. If you are pressured by your opponent, remind them to stay focused to the objective criteria, yet at the same time treating them how you would like to be treated. What you end up agreeing on should be covering this (p.244):

  1. What issues were resolved
  2. What actions will be taken
  3. Who is responsible for each action
  4. Dates by which each action should be completed
  5. When and how the results of the agreement will be reviewed

Don’t assume or expect this last step to go by quickly. There might not be an agreement right away, and you may need to backtrack and come up with new options, possibly taking a few days to think things through. If negotiating cannot work with just the parties involved, there may be a need for an objective advisor to come alongside and help. This will show the pursuit of the other’s interests, which is a small glimpse of the interest God the Father pursued with us with the sending of His Son. May we continue to view our conflicts as opportunities to honor God and open the other person’s eyes to the witness of a redeemed sinner.

Achieving a Joyful Life of Integrity

by Pastor Patrick Cho

Editor’s Note: This post was originally posted on February 7, 2007 on the Shine the Light! blog. We have since incorporated all that content into the Beacon, and you can even find the original version of this post here. Pastor Patrick has kindly agreed to help take you on a bit of a tour of some of those articles, in the hope that you will be encouraged to explore that content yourself. Enjoy!

I have been reading through Psalm 119 in my daily devotions and it really has been a blessing to my soul! Reading through it carefully has helped to reveal the many comforts and encouragements the Psalmist receives from spending time in the Word. It seems like such a simple thing to be reminded to be in the Scriptures, but I wonder how often we consider the many reasons why we should earnestly seek God’s Word.

Even in the first stanza the Psalmist reveals some of his reasoning. He writes, “How blessed are those whose way is blameless, who walk in the law of the LORD.” The word “blameless” literally has the idea of being whole or complete and is one of the Old Testament words for integrity. The idea behind the Hebrew word “way,” simply speaking, is one’s manner of life. The complete thought is that happiness belongs to the one whose manner of life is marked with integrity.

But how does one achieve a joyful life of integrity? The Psalmist answers that question in the same breath – by walking in the Torah of YHWH. This reminds me of the thought in Psalm 1, “How blessed [or happy] is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked . . . . But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and in His law he meditates day and night.” I found this to be a great reminder of the blessing that is found when one seeks to walk according to God’s Word. This is the one who does no unrighteousness (Ps. 119:3). This is the one who is not ashamed (Ps. 119:6). This is the one who is not forsaken of God (Ps. 119:8).